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I think I'm finally taking this seriously...but I need some help.

I don't know who you are or what you look like, but let me just say that I couldn't be happier to read that you're doing well.

Keep yourself occupied, and just remember that you're not alone. We all fall down at some point in our lives, and almost everyone does so more than once. What matters the most is how willing we are to get back up and give it another shot, regardless of the situation we may be in.

Stay strong, I'm rooting for you.
 
im going threw it right now.. its so hard because i know i can cop a few from my moms purse. soo hard. next semester starting soon i gotta kick this shit!
 
Keep up the good work! Every day clean is a successful day and "relapsing" if you want to call it that is part of the process of obtaining long term sobriety! Never sell yourself short every day you get clean is a big deal, remember that! As far as things to fight off cravings go I pray, meditate, go to meetings, call supports/friends, jerk off (or if my girl is around fuck), fuck around on this website, watch TV/movies, work out, do a hobby, read, really anything that will occupy my mind so cravings don't
 
Day 17. More than 2 weeks now. Pleased with my progress, but a couple times, I toyed with the idea of going to cop, even though I would end up testing positive and get suspended from the suboxone program. That would be nothing but agony. I know I can make it, but what upsets me is the idea that once they ease up on the drug testing, then I'll lapse again.
This weekend, I'm going to a local show, hopefully with a friend of mine. Aiming to meet new people, fellow musicians(I play bass). Also hoping to save up for some new musical gear. I need time to enjoy buying expensive things that I couldn't afford if I was still using. Unfortunately, things are slow at work, so money is scarce, and I've got too much time on my hands. As always, bad timing.
 
Just focus on today nocturne, make it through one day at a time. Don't worry about possibly relapsing in the future, because you have no control over the future - only today. I know "one day at a time" is sort of cliche - but not by mistake. It really works. Also maybe do some writing and remind yourself some of the reasons why you are doing this - remind yourself some of the reasons to stay sober besides failing a drug test.

Keep it up nocturne. :)
 
Great things Nocturne.. thinking about copping is part of the cycle of addiction, its not something to be ashamed of but you will need to find away of arresting it without having to rely on the testing. Until you are able to figure this out I would suggest that you speak with the people honestly and leave the testing in place until you do.

Here is some info on the cycle of addiction in case you arent familiar with it.. where do you think you are right now?


neversickanymore said:
The Cycle of Addiction Is Characterized By:
Recovery Connections characteristics of the addiction cycle​


  • Frustration and internal pain that leads to anxiety and a demand for relief of these symptoms
  • Fantasizing about using alcohol and drugs or behaviors to relieve the uncomfortable symptoms
  • Obsessing about using drugs and alcohol and how his or her life will be after the use of substances
  • Engaging in the addictive activity, such as using substances to gain relief (acting out)
  • Losing control over the behavior
  • Developing feelings of remorse, guilt and shame, which lead to feelings of dissatisfaction
  • Making a promise or resolve to oneself to stop the behavior or substance use
  • After a period of time, the pain returns, and the addict begins to experience the fantasies of using substances again.
This cycle can rotate on a variable basis. For example, binge users rotate through this cycle more slowly. Daily users may rotate through the cycle of addiction daily or several times throughout the day. This cycle can be arrested at any point after the addict or alcoholic makes a decision or is forced to get help. Sometimes, the consequences that arise (legal, financial, medical or social) force the addict or alcoholic to stop using. However, in the absence of outside help, such as alcohol or drug detox followed by addiction treatment help, the substance abuse or addictive behavior is likely to return.



cycle-of-addiction.jpg





the-cycle-of-addiction.jpg



Bad Habits Are Hard To Break: Kicking The “Addiction” Cycle


By Mia Bolaris-Forget >here<
​
Everyone, or at least most of us, want to think we’re “improving” over time. Yet, there are things that simply seem to have a hold that just won’t let go. And, for many, one of those strongholds may be dealing with “addiction”. Whether you want to quit smoking, stop sweating the small stuff, walk away from that decadent dessert or from the computer that’s calling you after dinner, the key is gaining control. But how? The experts weigh in.

1. Define why you do or continue to do what you do: You’ve heard it said that before you can “fix” a problem, you must admit that there IS one. But, say experts, you also have to identify why the solution you’ve chosen is merely a “crutch”, adding that in most cases it’s the “drug” of choice to help us deal with depression, anxiety, unhappiness, pain, and numbs us from dealing with the reality of life.

2. Change your thought process: Start to think rationally rather than in ways that justify your behaviour. Sure you have to take a pill for your migraine, but you don’t have to light up a cigarette to deal with stress. Worse yet is those of us that know our behaviour is “bad” and should be dealt with, but choose to ignore it. In fact, they add that for some, it may be a welcome cover up for dealing with the real issue, usually something that is bothering us. So, if you can’t think it through yourself, ask others for help.

3. Change your pattern: Experts asset that the crutch we have is there for a reason, and we “need” it for a specific purpose. Therefore, if we don’t replace it, preferably with something positive, we likely won’t let it go. Find a suitable and satisfying alternative and remove the negative habit a little at a time.

4. Know your triggers: Take note of what triggers you habit and start dealing with these as well. If you must have a drink with supper, replace alcohol with water or juice. If you smoke with your cup of coffee, think about having tea instead or chewing gum rather than taking a drag. Also use the time that you’d normally use to feed your addition to do something (beneficial) for you. Also make sure to avoid pattern, places, etc. that will allow you to give in.

5. Clean house: Improve your life by improving how you live and redefining happiness and success. Refrain from carrying around cash so that you won’t be able to “feed your addiction.” you may even have to take an alternate route to work, so you don’t tempt yourself, for example, with fast food, and you may even have to “revise” your circle of friends.

6. Take responsibility for your actions and build a strong support system: Stop blaming others or the situation for doing what you do. How you cope is strictly up to you. But, say experts, it’s always good to have someone to answer and report to. Consider involving friends and family as you overcome you addiction and join a support group so you have an outlet for exchanging ideas with others just like you.

7. Treat yourself well Break down the task in more manageable segments but allow yourself to be “rewarded” with each little accomplishment, even if it wasn't of the caliber of level that you’d hoped for, wanted or expected
Click to expand...
 
I'm only just starting to feel uncomfortable, but right now, staying at home while playing my PS3 and watching youtube is a great distraction. Making music and plans to see shows during the weekend break the monotony. :)
 
Pleased to see you're keeping it up!

Keep your body and mind occupied, and remember that you do have it in you to break the cycle.

If you're a gamer, maybe try starting World of Warcraft or some other MMORPG? I find that it makes the time pass by so much quicker when I get into the gaming zone, and you can easily get a month or two free through the internet.
 
I found some unused needles under my bed today when I was cleaning my room. Put the thought of shooting up in my head again, but I got it under control again. Just keep reminding myself that I'm at least going to be fine until the clinic goes back to testing me only once a week. Once that happens, I'll really have to hold onto the whole "one day at a time" thing.
As for MMORPGs, I've already got one addiction to deal with. I don't need another. I'll stick with the offline games I already love, which have clear-cut endings. :P
 
Just a couple minutes ago, I thought about copping, but then, the idea of running into the people that used to over-charge me, or getting ripped off, or arrested, all flashed through my mind. If only that could happen every time I thought about getting high...I'd be five years sober five years from now. :P
 
Almost three weeks now. Gonna go see a local band with a buddy of mine tomorrow after work. I don't expect there will be any problems. The best thing I ever did during my addiction was to not make friends with anybody else who uses dope.
 
Well, that was a mistake. My friend I was going to the show with bailed on me because he couldn't afford the $5 ticket. So I'm left wandering around the venue, unable to connect with anyone there. I'm terrible at that kind of thing. I don't know why I thought I'd be able to meet people all by myself this time.
If I had more money and no drug tests or suboxone, I'd have most certainly gone to get dope. But, I guess I'll just be thankful that I'll have to feel every ounce of disappointment and frustration, not to mention jealousy and even hatred towards people that just seem to be able to connect socially to others easily.
 
Dont be so hard on yourself:).. social aspects a hard for most people.. is there a situation where you can think of to practice getting to know people you dont know yet.. such a sports league, a writers club, a dart league or pool league (watch out for the booze), what are you into? How about volunteering.. just throwing a couple of ideas out there? socialization take practice.. in early recovery we have insanely strong emotions this includes anxiety, and all the emotions associated with being hard on ourselves like frustration, and anger. They can be really hard to handle until the tone down after time. Oh and another one is to possible join a gym and participate in some of the group activities. So what do you like to do or what would you like to learn how to do and then find people that are doing those things or trying to learn those things would be a way tp practice meeting and interacting with new people.
 
Nocturne I really feel for you on the inability to socialize and connect with people, and the jealousy and envy of other people that it brings. I totally relate 100% and I'm going through the same thing really bad right now. I'm here if you wanna talk. I know it's hard, believe me I do - I have zero friends outside of people I live at the SLE with and I don't do anything outside the house with them besides maybe go to a meeting and come home. And Im weary to get close to any of them if I even could because 9/10 of them will relapse soon, just the way it is and has been for the last 8 months.

So anyway, I'm here and I honestly know exactly how you feel. Try to stay positive and keep trying... The only way to ever change is to keep trying to be the change you want to see. It might take a lot of painful failed tries but things will get better. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, for both of us - whether or we can see the light I promise you its there.

Stay up nocturne.
 
Don't worry. I'm still sober. Still thinking positive, since I'm about to apply for a new position at work. Still nervous though, as last time I tried to get a better position, it didn't work out.
 
Maybe you weren't meant to get the position last time, Nocturne. Were you using? what if you had gotten the new position (with more responsibility, I'm assuming) and fucked it up because you weren't 100% there?

Things will work out, and all you can hope for is to keep making progress.
 
That's true. I was using at the time. Snorting, but still using.
Today at my IOP, I got really pissed off. The counselor or whatever in charge asked if I needed a drug test because I was falling asleep. I'm always tired at group therapy because it's from 9 a.m. to 12 p.m. I'm just not good at falling asleep early, so when I get up and go over there, I'm always ridiculously tired. We also can't have food or drink in the room, so I can't have my Red Bull, which usually helps me out if I have to be up early in the morning. I just can't win over there. Basically, after that accusation, I was wide awake for the rest of the session, but unable to concentrate, because I was so angry and humiliated. I'm still sober, and have been for the past 25 days. I'll be collecting my 30-day key tag on Wednesday. If I didn't need this group therapy as proof for the judge that I'm staying out of trouble, I would have walked right out and never come back.
 
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