Out_of_Frame
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2018
- Messages
- 25
Idk if we're doing the SWIM thing here or not. <We are not doing the SWIM thing here>I've only read threads here. I just registered a few minutes ago. I guess it doesn't matter because I had a prescription for adderall. I was taking way too much of it though. I was on a prescription for thirty 15mg XR pills a month. They would all be gone in 3 days. I would take like 90mg and start masturbating. Then I would take like a pill every few hours or so. For most of my habit I was doing about 120-135mg per masturbation session, and these sessions would last 14 - 20 hours. I guess at the worst I would do 150mg total (not all at once though. again, this was starting at 90mg and doing a bump later with a pill or two, etc.). At one point I remember this sort of rainbow effect. Maybe I fucked up a lot of brain cells at that point. I think I might have basically drown my cells in dopamine and activated them way too much. I know this can be a problem. I'm embarrassed to say this, but I was actually a neurosci and psych major and know about my brain a little bit, but I've been so fucking depressed lately. This was my only escape. The world is fucked. I feel like I've gone too far down the rabbit hole and I'm too sensitive.
Anyway, I stopped taking the adderall about 3 months ago. This habit lasted about 8 months or so...but before that I would do it with maybe 60mg or something. I don't think that was harmful to my brain at all. But now I'm experiencing mild parkinsonism....slight tremors anywhere on my body. Sometimes at the mustache area...sometimes in my feet....a finger...and even a sudden involuntary breath (like a spasm or tremor) that might happen once or twice a day. It happens more frequently in my sleep. I will snort and wake up suddenly. I feel like I can feel my heart beat more without having to really focus on it or feeling it. And when it beats sometimes I can feel the pulse in my head at the same time. It almost seems like my heart has expanded or something and that its pulse is so much stronger that blood in my head moves more immediately after a beat in my heart.
There's also been some rigidity when turning my head. I'm still able to play piano and video games normally. I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced this and tried to recover and if they did recover, how long did it take?
EDIT: I also want to leave a note here for anyone who might be Googling around and questioning this habit that they have. I believe it's possible that the dose might not be the problem so much as sitting there constantly masturbating. If you're addicted and trying to get over this habit, try your best to take breaks. You already have tons of amphetamine in your system activating dopaminergic neurons. The fact that a specific set of neurons involving excitement or reward involving sex are going to constantly be stimulated is what's worrisome more than the amount of adderall. Dopamine is also the neurotransmitter involved in movement (in the brain as opposed to acetylcholine in muscles) so using your hand to do the same motion over and over again won't be good either.
Anyway, I stopped taking the adderall about 3 months ago. This habit lasted about 8 months or so...but before that I would do it with maybe 60mg or something. I don't think that was harmful to my brain at all. But now I'm experiencing mild parkinsonism....slight tremors anywhere on my body. Sometimes at the mustache area...sometimes in my feet....a finger...and even a sudden involuntary breath (like a spasm or tremor) that might happen once or twice a day. It happens more frequently in my sleep. I will snort and wake up suddenly. I feel like I can feel my heart beat more without having to really focus on it or feeling it. And when it beats sometimes I can feel the pulse in my head at the same time. It almost seems like my heart has expanded or something and that its pulse is so much stronger that blood in my head moves more immediately after a beat in my heart.
There's also been some rigidity when turning my head. I'm still able to play piano and video games normally. I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced this and tried to recover and if they did recover, how long did it take?
EDIT: I also want to leave a note here for anyone who might be Googling around and questioning this habit that they have. I believe it's possible that the dose might not be the problem so much as sitting there constantly masturbating. If you're addicted and trying to get over this habit, try your best to take breaks. You already have tons of amphetamine in your system activating dopaminergic neurons. The fact that a specific set of neurons involving excitement or reward involving sex are going to constantly be stimulated is what's worrisome more than the amount of adderall. Dopamine is also the neurotransmitter involved in movement (in the brain as opposed to acetylcholine in muscles) so using your hand to do the same motion over and over again won't be good either.
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