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I suck at one on one small talk

falsifiedhypothesi

falsifiedhypothesi

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Feb 22, 2014
Messages
4,253
Location
Detroit MI
I can't talk to people one on one, even my best friend. If i do end up talking to someone one on one they usually have to initiate it and it's like 70% their input, 30% mine.

I loath small talk, plus when i get into a one on one situation with anyone my mind just goes blank.

Anyone who knows me knows that i don't talk much. I like to only open my mouth when i feel it's important, for the most part i hate blathering on about mundane crap.

Is small talk essential to initiate a relationship or is there some way around this?
 
I would say yes, that it seems to be essential. I'm not sure there really is any way around it, unfortunately...but if I'm wrong, I'd love to be enlightened.

I have this EXACT same problem down to every detail you've expressed, I am exactly the same way when it comes to this- and it's really taken a great toll on my life and the quality of it.....it really fucking sucks. I wish I were better...

-PA
 
Forget the small talk and just focus on deep talk. I have a friend at work that is pretty quiet but once you ask deep questions, she can go on. I’m in the same boat as you guys as I don’t care too much for mundane conversations. The key is to find common ground.
 
Is communication a prerequisite for building any sort of relationship?
Yes..
 
Ya know my hubby is very quite and hates chit chat and we do just fine

You need to find someone who just accepts you as you are.
 
you need to find someone who talks about intersting things and likes filling gaps

people who dont talk much are fine

but i feel like you would go well with an extrovert with a brain and bit of a thinker

at the same time yes you will have to try and create a contact for the relationship to start- so you will have to just start speaking about stuff you want to say rather than forcing meaningless small talk
 
I do need to find someone who likes to talk. it's not like i'm not a thinker, but when i get into a 1 on 1 my brain just malfunctions.

I do need to start talking about things that i want to talk about but that usually leads to no one giving a shit. I've been kind of trained to not say anything since my dad always worked 3rd shift and heard every single thing that went on in the rest of the house.

I still need to break my other bad habit of being too soft spoken.
 
i dunno, its good to know when to and when not and be able to alternate but you cant force conversation, it has to be what you want to do otherwise its stilted
 
I have trouble with that too, especially when I'm dating (or even hanging out with) someone new. I never choose dinner for a first date because my stomach is always tied in knots!

I do much better in large groups of people. I can get up on stage at an open mic night or karaoke and perform in front of a bar full of strangers sober, but anything one-on-one terrifies me whether it's a first date, job interview or anywhere else that I'm trying to make a good impression.
 
You got to find a person that has similar views. With my current BF, we are more humor and sexually jokes, but can have deep and personal conversations. He said he didn't really like his ex because she would blab on and on about her day.. and want to know all the details of his day. But I'm not like that. With my ex, I would blab on and on about my day, well, because he didn't really talk much-- just wanted to smoke weed and chill which is really boring for me.
 
Not necessary most communication is non verbal anyway. Just met a beautiful girl and men I suck at talking general. The adrenaline will keep you standing and turns me in a total verbal fruitsalad. But it's not that important 70% of the communicating is non verbally so I just try to keep breathing so to say, essenttially be in the moment. Even then you will miss a lot of the conversation as I can pick up fragments long after that I missed. Just like eye contact I guessing you have to rely on you doing it and keeping I at ease. Do you know the concept of Duality Falsified the real you knows no small talk or deep talk. It's the I concept in us that put's label's on things, this is always afterwards. It's the storyteller within us nice feature just don't take him/ her to serious.

So small and deep are mere labelings put on by a feature nature created essential for survival. But that's not you.
 
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