Junkie-Jesus
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2022
- Messages
- 9
I realised a long time a ago that complete abstinence was a mountain you constantly had to climb. It was too much. So I relapsed and felt it was inevitable. But if you accept that relapse is inevitable the aim for abstinence becomes easier. You can always just say 'not today, tommorow' and if you still feel the need to take something do it. Just get back on the horse. Ive taken the least drugs I've ever taken thinking like this. Don't beat your self up about it just remember you can do it but does it really have to be right now. Chances are by tommorow you'll feel differently. The point is don't make it black and white, all or nothing make it realistically manageable. This is just my veiw.The kratom was just too expensive and ordering it online just seems like it would be a pain in the ass to keep up with. I switched back to rationing low mg oxy because its surprisingly cheaper that way and I have other financial burdens that need to be dealt with ASAP. Seeing that I only need 2.5mg a night to avoid withdrawals, I'll attempt to quit again at the end of summer (but without the help of kratom if I can avoid it). On top of everything else, I might need to get a couple of fillings. I went my whole life without having dental issues aside from getting braces and my wisdom teeth pulled (which led to my addiction to pain meds 15yrs ago), and now that I tried to recover and my mental state was vulnerable, the timing couldn't have been worse. Funny, an ex-coworker was telling me she has to get most of her teeth pulled (despite the fact that they looked okay). She told me that she never had issues with her teeth until she quit meth. I guess drugs can preserve some health issues or make them go dormant until drug use is stopped. It just sucks that I gotta back to work to pay for dental work. The fact that we're moving in a month to top things off makes my situation more stressful as well. I suppose it was almost inevitable that I would relapse around this time. Funny how things work out. Oh well. Better luck next time. Maybe my life won't be so disorganized by the end of summer.