nudemonkei
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2002
- Messages
- 184
i'm working so hard to. there are too many people that have serious emtional investments in me tbat the frustration just makes me cry. i hate having this debate between this instinct to end myself and the pain of hurting so many people with my suicide. it is so horrible.
I will also refrain from telling you either to do or not to do what you do/don't want to do.
But, you WILL fuck many people over, likely for years. Whether they have a cheap or significant investment in being around your self, your action WILL fuck them, and hard, should you do/don't what you present.
The only reason I mention this is that you speak of a motivation being your significant other's financial resources.
And to think the cycle will NOT end with physical body death is not correct. It may for your perspective, and it may for every other perspective over time, but think of those perspectives you cannot think of.
Think of the symbiotic bacteria in your large intestine. How will THEY do without you? After all their hard work keeping your gastro-intestinal system intact...
Things get better. Than they get much worse. Than they get much better. Then they get worse. You know this, but from an outside perspective it DOES seem a bit sad that you would use economics as a rationale. I spoke to a man once who wanted to kill himself. He had cerebral palsy, and his mother died during childbirth. He felt guilt. He died, then his father went bankrupt paying for his final expenses. His death was at least partly motivated to end his father's debt. It bankrupted his father after the fact, then his father was institutionalized. His father is worse off now than before.
You will be missed if you disappear. You will also cause pain if you disappear. Hoping better days come, as a person I understand. A close friend's suicide is the key reason for my survival. I'm glad I can understand that, here, and now. Even with pending currency to be lost in a judicial system. Again. Believe me, I understand.
Love and hope to you friend.
Last edited: