disclaimer: fellow BLers... dont even bother reading this.... i need to ramble and this seems as good a place as any. i assure you... it will be long, pointless, and a waste of your time.
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I pretend that things are how they always were... blissful, perfect.
I pretend that you are here tonight, by choice and not by chance. I pretend that you broke your plans with Norm to surprise me when I got home from work. That i walked in and there you were, sitting on the couch waiting patiently for me. Instead of yelling at me for something like you always do, you are smiling. You get up, and you walk over to me and put your arms around me. And its the best feeling in the world.
I pretend that tonight I'm not alone. I pretend that things are how they were 2 summers ago... just me and you, the rest of the world put on pause. I pretend that we will stay up all night and talk about nothing, about everything. That i will fall asleep in your arms, and you won't complain that its too hot to cuddle.
I pretend that i can remember what it feels like to have you love me. Not to just say it when prompted, but to make me feel it in every bone in my body.
I pretend to smile.
I pretend that i am peaceful tonight... no worries about you lying about being at Norm's, and instead, being in someone else's arms. I pretend that i will fall asleep with a smile on my face tonight... or that i will fall asleep at all.
I pretend that you are here...
You are here...
Here....
I pretend that things aren't so horrible right now. I pretend that these awful fights never happened. I pretend not to remember the words that you said, that stabbed my heart like a knife. I pretend that i remember what you look like when you're smiling... so beautiful. I pretend that your eyes light up when you see me, the way they light up when you get new records in the mail.
I pretend that you are holding me.
I pretend that i dont hurt so badly inside... that my heart isn't aching so fiercely. I pretend that these are tears of joy and not of despair. I pretend that tonight, you will give some hope for us.
I pretend that you are here tonight, and not somewhere else.
I pretend that you are not lying to me, about everything. I pretend to know the truth... but i dont. I pretend that i'm not so confused, so stressed, so hopeless. so... sad.
I pretend that tonight, you are everything you used to be.
I pretend that we are US again. not just you and just me. That we are something. That we are together. That we are in love.
I pretend that you act like you still care, and stop acting like a fucking asshole. I pretend that you are not so much like your scumbag friends. I pretend that you still have a soul resembling the one i once fell for. I pretend you are still that person.
I pretend that you are here tonight. Did i say that already? God I wish you were here with me tonight.
I pretend that tonight isn't so melancholy. I pretend that tonight, i wont cry over you. I pretend that tonight, nothing you say will tear me apart inside. Nothing will make me ache. Nothing will make me wish i weren't alive. Nothing will make me wish i had never met you.
I pretend that tonight, you will call me, just to say you were thinking about me. I pretend that you will call just to whisper goodnight in my ear since you cant be here, you know, like you used to. I pretend that you tell me you miss me.. and that you mean it. I pretend that tonight, you think of me, just once, and let me know it.
I pretend that tonight, i am somewhere else. WE are somewhere else, far away.
I pretend that things didn't fall apart like they did. I pretend that we can easily fix whatever went wrong. I pretend that it wont be difficult, and long, and maybe impossible. I pretend that you really want to try to make it work.
I pretend that you are here tonight.
Here, with me, tonight.
Here. Not wherever you are.
All i can do is pretend. These things will never be.
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E-girl
IM: tiggersgurl2067
"...there are 2 paths, you can go back, but in the long run... there's still time to change the road you're on..."
-----------------------------------
I pretend that things are how they always were... blissful, perfect.
I pretend that you are here tonight, by choice and not by chance. I pretend that you broke your plans with Norm to surprise me when I got home from work. That i walked in and there you were, sitting on the couch waiting patiently for me. Instead of yelling at me for something like you always do, you are smiling. You get up, and you walk over to me and put your arms around me. And its the best feeling in the world.
I pretend that tonight I'm not alone. I pretend that things are how they were 2 summers ago... just me and you, the rest of the world put on pause. I pretend that we will stay up all night and talk about nothing, about everything. That i will fall asleep in your arms, and you won't complain that its too hot to cuddle.
I pretend that i can remember what it feels like to have you love me. Not to just say it when prompted, but to make me feel it in every bone in my body.
I pretend to smile.
I pretend that i am peaceful tonight... no worries about you lying about being at Norm's, and instead, being in someone else's arms. I pretend that i will fall asleep with a smile on my face tonight... or that i will fall asleep at all.
I pretend that you are here...
You are here...
Here....
I pretend that things aren't so horrible right now. I pretend that these awful fights never happened. I pretend not to remember the words that you said, that stabbed my heart like a knife. I pretend that i remember what you look like when you're smiling... so beautiful. I pretend that your eyes light up when you see me, the way they light up when you get new records in the mail.
I pretend that you are holding me.
I pretend that i dont hurt so badly inside... that my heart isn't aching so fiercely. I pretend that these are tears of joy and not of despair. I pretend that tonight, you will give some hope for us.
I pretend that you are here tonight, and not somewhere else.
I pretend that you are not lying to me, about everything. I pretend to know the truth... but i dont. I pretend that i'm not so confused, so stressed, so hopeless. so... sad.
I pretend that tonight, you are everything you used to be.
I pretend that we are US again. not just you and just me. That we are something. That we are together. That we are in love.
I pretend that you act like you still care, and stop acting like a fucking asshole. I pretend that you are not so much like your scumbag friends. I pretend that you still have a soul resembling the one i once fell for. I pretend you are still that person.
I pretend that you are here tonight. Did i say that already? God I wish you were here with me tonight.
I pretend that tonight isn't so melancholy. I pretend that tonight, i wont cry over you. I pretend that tonight, nothing you say will tear me apart inside. Nothing will make me ache. Nothing will make me wish i weren't alive. Nothing will make me wish i had never met you.
I pretend that tonight, you will call me, just to say you were thinking about me. I pretend that you will call just to whisper goodnight in my ear since you cant be here, you know, like you used to. I pretend that you tell me you miss me.. and that you mean it. I pretend that tonight, you think of me, just once, and let me know it.
I pretend that tonight, i am somewhere else. WE are somewhere else, far away.
I pretend that things didn't fall apart like they did. I pretend that we can easily fix whatever went wrong. I pretend that it wont be difficult, and long, and maybe impossible. I pretend that you really want to try to make it work.
I pretend that you are here tonight.
Here, with me, tonight.
Here. Not wherever you are.
All i can do is pretend. These things will never be.
------------------
E-girl
IM: tiggersgurl2067
"...there are 2 paths, you can go back, but in the long run... there's still time to change the road you're on..."
