I Need Opinions On My Drug Use

[RobotRipping]

For example, the stimulant abuse arose from striving to do well at school, while the use of acid, mushrooms, and dxm were for spiritual exploration. I have a strong fascination with the mind and what it's capable of, and that has a lot to do with why I experiment with so many different substances. I'm not really even addicted to any certain drug, I'm just addicted to the new, exciting, and memorable experiences that they can produce.

this is the primary reason i started using drugs, namely psychedelics. My advice is not too push yourself too far, don't try to experience the edge of sanity/reality or whatever. I was fascinated with completely changing my perceptions on everything and i think i succeeded but it really wasn't the best for my mental health. Mild hppd could just be the start of derealization and depersonatlization. It's fun when you can control it but when it just starts happening the fun stops.

Once you start relying on drugs for every day things it will be near impossible to quit without some severe issues. Physical dependence is nothing compared to the psychological hold these drugs can have on you. I was the same way at that age but i wish i kept it in check so i could still enjoy psychedelics. I'd also recommend getting a handle on amphetamines and seriously avoid opiates and benzos, that is where things went to shit for me.

 

[smw66466]

this is the primary reason i started using drugs, namely psychedelics. My advice is not too push yourself too far, don't try to experience the edge of sanity/reality or whatever. I was fascinated with completely changing my perceptions on everything and i think i succeeded but it really wasn't the best for my mental health. Mild hppd could just be the start of derealization and depersonatlization. It's fun when you can control it but when it just starts happening the fun stops.

Once you start relying on drugs for every day things it will be near impossible to quit without some severe issues. Physical dependence is nothing compared to the psychological hold these drugs can have on you. I was the same way at that age but i wish i kept it in check so i could still enjoy psychedelics. I'd also recommend getting a handle on amphetamines and seriously avoid opiates and benzos, that is where things went to shit for me.

I realize what you're saying about psychedelics. I treat psychedelics with a lot of respect for their power and potential. Also, I tend to stray from opiates and benzos just because I don't enjoy drugs that dumb you down. I use them once in a blue moon just for the experience. I tend to like drugs a lot more when they're thought provoking and don't leave me unable to do things that I can do sober. This is why I prefer psychedelics/stimulants/marijuana and use them so much more often.

Why else are you concerned if not for permanently frying something?

I'm concerned for long-term physical and mental health and how my lifestyle may be effecting it.

Did you read my previous post?

Yes, and I have inspirations. I write lyrics and play guitar. Music is my biggest inspiration.

 

[Psychedelic Jay]

Lol

 

[kace]

It's great you are so enthuastic about learning and experimenting with different things, but seriously, at least wait till college! You will slowly physically and mentally burn yourself out if you keep ingesting all this.

 

[Captain Brewster]

Musician? I would have thought something in finances or accounting.

Just going by the way this thread looks.

 

[smw66466]

Musician? I would have thought something in finances or accounting. Just going by the way this thread looks.

It probably has something to do with the fact that 90% of the time I update the log, I'm using a stimulant. 8(

 

[slimvictor]

Sounds like you have it pretty well together for your age, I must admit.

But I can't help but see a problem anyway.
Stims in the day, and then you have insomnia...cannabis at night, and then you are tired the next day...
Bad cycle.
(I speak about this type of cycle from experience, btw)

Also, regardless of how much you have it together at age 16/17/18, it is best to keep the drug use as infrequent as possible until you are about 5 years older.

I certainly understand the attraction of drugs. I am also a musician, and drugs (particularly cannabis and psychedelics) can help a lot with creativity and putting passionate feeling into playing.
But smoking too much weed too early in life is not a very good game plan, regardless...

 

[smw66466]

Sounds like you have it pretty well together for your age, I must admit.

But I can't help but see a problem anyway.
Stims in the day, and then you have insomnia...cannabis at night, and then you are tired the next day...
Bad cycle.
(I speak about this type of cycle from experience, btw)

Also, regardless of how much you have it together at age 16/17/18, it is best to keep the drug use as infrequent as possible until you are about 5 years older.

I certainly understand the attraction of drugs. I am also a musician, and drugs (particularly cannabis and psychedelics) can help a lot with creativity and putting passionate feeling into playing.
But smoking too much weed too early in life is not a very good game plan, regardless...

I understand that my brain is still developing and I should be keeping my drug use at a minimum until it is done. However, I just can't find a good reason to stop. I mean, I haven't noticed myself feeling any less intelligent so how much damage can I really be doing? If it's nothing that is obvious to myself or others, wouldn't that mean it's not even a problem?

 

[Chazzout]

It's funny that you say you're a musician, because this made me think of a conversation I had with a musician friend who I knew briefly.

We were talking about our albums and how each was about being on drugs, more or less. We both started really abusing different stuff more or less when certain stresses happened in our lives. One thing we very much agreed on was that having done them at pretty formative years, we felt like we'd missed out on actually learning to cope with things, because we more or less moved through our lives in an emotionally blunted haze at the worst of it.

I am not saying that's where you are, but I do notice that you use a lot of stuff fairly often, pretty much all I'd suggest is to be very wary of starting to use the drugs you already have used as coping mechanisms, because you already know the stuff can make you feel good, and it can be pretty easy to start leaning on it. Once you do, stuff starts to really get out of control. I was more into weak opioids, benzos, and the occasional dissociatives, and he was more into benzos, but I definitely felt a lot less hazy and fucked up when I finally let go and stopped using so goddamn much.

The funny thing, too, is I didn't notice at the time how blunted and dazed I was until I actually stopped; It happened pretty slowly. Despite that, I was also a hell of a lot more unpredictable and emotionally out of control. So even if you don't see any reason to stop, it could be worth trying a few months sober just to remind yourself how it is.

The other thing, I stopped using anything for the length of recording my last album (I've literally smoked weed once after recording it and otherwise not used anything for the last 6 months). With absolutely nothing else to give me release but the music, I ended up doing much more intense and daring work than I had in the past (no to brag, just how I feel). Obviously YMMV, but I was shocked at the difference.


I would avoid the inhalants though (other than nitrous, not sure if you had it on there) - they just seem to have more direct negative health consequences than the other stuff but that's not really my area of expertise.

 

[Swimmingdancer]

I do see some possible problems:

1. You are using a lot of different drugs and there isn't much gap in between them. That can be problematic for a number of different reasons.
2. You don't seem to have a lot of days where you don't take any drugs - you can be addicted to drugs without it being to one specific drug.
3. In your original post you only listed the drugs you take without saying how it affects your life - that is a lot more important than what drugs you take or even how often. Is your drug use adversely impacting your health? Your finances? Your work or school? Your sleep? Your relationships? Your level of participation and enjoyment in other things in life? (etc.) Think about these things and if it is negatively affecting you (and from your other posts later in the thread it sounds like it is), then there is your answer as to whether or not it is a problem.
4. The fact that you asked this question in the first place - you either know deep down it is a problem and need others to help convince you, or you are looking for justification not to decrease your use, hoping that people will say "nope, it looks fine to me" and you can feel better about it.

Remember, changing/stopping/decreasing your drug use doesn't mean you have to go back to the way things were before, which you weren't happy with - you can start a new way of being and of dealing with the things you'd like to work on (health and mental health issues, school, etc). You are creating a false dichotomy by believing that your only choices are either to continue your drug use exactly the way it is or go back to being unhappy and unmotivated.

 

[Mel22]

I understand that my brain is still developing and I should be keeping my drug use at a minimum until it is done. However, I just can't find a good reason to stop. I mean, I haven't noticed myself feeling any less intelligent so how much damage can I really be doing? If it's nothing that is obvious to myself or others, wouldn't that mean it's not even a problem?

Hmm...

I'd like to keep the amphetamine use down because it's becoming such an expensive habit, but I can't get any sort of work done without it. I'm a Junior in high school right now and I've been buying it since the beginning of freshman year in order to stay ahead on school work. I'm fine without it though, I just don't keep up on all the things I should be if I don't use it.

@slimvictor
You're right. That does show that I have a problem. I thought about that when I created the thread, actually. I am more than aware that for a Junior in high school, I'm using too many drugs and it has had some notable effects on my personality and body. I have mild hppd, am now slightly underweight (6"1, 150lbs), and seem to have a different perception on life and the world than I did before I started using drugs. I just don't feel that the negatives of my drug use outweigh the benefits at this point though. Before I started using stimulants in 7th and 8th grade, I failed all of my classes because I rarely went to school. I just never saw a point in listening to teachers spew useless bullshit and biased "facts". Once I started using stimulants I started actually going to school, getting work done, and excelling at all of the work that was put in front of me. I don't want to go back to the unmotivated burnout that I was before I found amphetamines. I feel like stopping the amphetamines would cause more problems for me than it would fix, because it causes no problems other than having to buy it.

As for cutting down on marijuana, why? I use it mainly to help myself sleep because I have really bad insomnia. It's never caused any problems other than a sub-par short term memory, which doesn't bother me. Obviously me halting all drug use is unrealistic at this point. I just can't find a justifiable reason to stop. I started my drug log in order to see patterns in my use, what my habit is actually costing me, and to get a better look at when some of these patterns started. For example, I realized how excessively I was using DXM so I cut way down on how often I did it because doing it was getting me into trouble. Also, I'm actually way ahead of you. I happen to have exactly what you're talking about already for the first half of the year.

Your posts are full of contradictions and illogical justifications of your usage, which is not uncommon amongst drug users (I have been guilty of this myself). Re-read your posts, and be aware of the thought pattern you're developing in order to continue your drug use. You definitely have a problem, and IMO, you are headed for trouble if you continue at this rate.

I suggest you seek counselling and deal with your problems in a constructive and sustainable way instead of self-medicating like this. You cannot continue with what you're doing for very long without tolerance, addiction and a myriad of other issues all possibly arising.

 

[slimvictor]

I agree with what the 3 people above said.

Specifically, I agree with Chazzout - it is easy to use drugs to cope, and if you use drugs nearly every day, even if this is not initially your purpose it can (sneakily) become one of your purposes.

And the inhalants are definitely a bad idea. Erowid says that their psychoactive effects are inseparable from brain / nerve damage.

Swimming Dancer's post is also right-on. S/he points out, importantly, that you are setting up a false dichotomy. It is possible to cut back on drugs without quitting entirely.

Mel22's answer is also important.
Making a few assumptions here, but I will put myself out on a limb: We see you with the same thought processes, taking the same perspectives, making the same types of contradictions, and focusing on the same things as us, before we experienced a darker side of drugs. We have seen other people talking like you as well, and we have seen most of them get sucked in. If you can re-gain some balance, it seems possible for you to use drugs responsibly and without sacrificing health and happiness, but in some ways we may feel we know the road you are traveling, and that it doesn't lead somewhere that is really good.

You say that you haven't noticed any bad physical or mental side effects (other than worse memory).
But do you want to wait for some noticeable damage? Isn't it better to stop before noticing any damage?
You understand intellectually that your brain is still developing, but you are not grasping the significance of this important fact, since you claim not to see a reason to stop. If that isn't enough reason, you are fooling yourself.

Peace, and I hope you find it in you to achieve a healthy, happy balance with drugs

 

[Beachcat]

Yes, the above three posts by swimmingdancer, Mel and slim victor are spot on. There was recently a large study done where they studied the IQ years later between people who smoked cannabis before the age of 18 and people who started smoking after that age. They found that the group who smoked before 18 scored on average 8 IQ points lower than the other group. The other group was the same as the control....ie their brains were not affected at all and they had the same IQ as those who did not smoke. I will look for the source for this, but basically, your brain is still developing and you are doing damage to it.

I would really urge you to look at the real reasons you are using all of these substances. It cannot sustain.....meaning that unless you take steps now to seriously cut down, you will end up using more and more until your life implodes in some way.

You seem intelligent. You said that you hated to go to school and listen to teachers spew bullshit and "facts". Use that brain and find out the true facts for yourself. I hate to see you go down such a slippery slope at such a young age. I mean, drugs feel good. I get it. I like using drugs myself but not at the expense of my future, my family, my happiness.

 

[stillirie]

I know it looks pretty bad, but honestly I don't see any of it as that big of a deal. I'm currently a straight-a/b student in advanced placement classes (I'd have to thank the stimulants for that) who also works 20 hours a week as of a month ago. I guess I started using different drugs for different reasons. For example, the stimulant abuse arose from striving to do well at school, while the use of acid, mushrooms, and dxm were for spiritual exploration. I have a strong fascination with the mind and what it's capable of, and that has a lot to do with why I experiment with so many different substances. I'm not really even addicted to any certain drug, I'm just addicted to the new, exciting, and memorable experiences that they can produce.

I hear you. but you've been doing uppers/cannabis/some benzos almost consistently. Be careful...I've been in this game for 4 years and you sound like I did when I started experimenting. Now I'm left with a three mental disorders, a thyroid problem, and a benzodiazepene regimen I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I don't take them to get high...I have to take them to feel like myself. Anything on top of that (weed, opiates, sometimes barbituates since I'm prescribed them for Aura Migraines and because of mechanism of action I feel like I do when I first started taking Benzos rec. but it is very difficult to get a Barbituate in the United States these days) is for kicks and because I have nothing better to do (homework is done, etc). I maintain a 3.0 average but I know it could be a 4 if I wasn't prescribed 4 GABAergics and have my mental problems that have come from excessive LSD use.

 

[J.Wallace]

I gotta be honest, it was difficult for me to read that whole list. I just wanted to say, though this doesn't contribute much, I gotta say it's really something that you've managed to keep a log of everything you've done. I don't see anything overly bad there, except stimulants and marijuana. Personally, I'd cut out the stimulants. I never enjoyed them, but I mostly smoke to help me sleep and to relax a little. Sure, I smoke to get high...but the high helps me sleep and recover from other substances.

 

[macd610]

First, I must admit I did not read the entire thread. I read about the first 6 or 7 posts. If this has been said already I apologize.
The road to drug dependency can be very sneaky, long and slow. Addiction by its nature is a disease that will tell you that you dont have a problem... and its not my place to say that you do.
Someone complimented you earlier about your ability to keep track of your use and document it. I found it impressive as well and would like to compliment you too.
don't know if this will help, but...
How much time do you spend thinking about drugs or using? I am not asking how much time do you spend WORRYING about it... just thinking. For example, how much time do you spend planning for or reminiscing/fantasizing about it? That was one of my first clues that I had a problem. Most of the day I would think about drugs in 1 way or another. Also, if you move on to harder drugs that are more difficult to obtain, it will put a whole new weight on your shoulders.... 1 that you probably are not having to deal with at this point.
hope this made some sense. it's 1 of those days where I am having a hard time finding my words, you know?
Edit: Have you looked into the possibility of ADHD? Not trying to give you an excuse to get your drugs more cost effectively, but if meds for that condition help you that much maybe it's something you should look into.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

I understand that my brain is still developing and I should be keeping my drug use at a minimum until it is done. However, I just can't find a good reason to stop. I mean, I haven't noticed myself feeling any less intelligent so how much damage can I really be doing? If it's nothing that is obvious to myself or others, wouldn't that mean it's not even a problem?

If the negative effects of drugs were always obvious then drug addiction would hardly be a societal problem.

 

[smw66466]

How much time do you spend thinking about drugs or using? I am not asking how much time do you spend WORRYING about it... just thinking. For example, how much time do you spend planning for or reminiscing/fantasizing about it? That was one of my first clues that I had a problem. Most of the day I would think about drugs in 1 way or another. Also, if you move on to harder drugs that are more difficult to obtain, it will put a whole new weight on your shoulders.... 1 that you probably are not having to deal with at this point.
hope this made some sense. it's 1 of those days where I am having a hard time finding my words, you know?
Edit: Have you looked into the possibility of ADHD? Not trying to give you an excuse to get your drugs more cost effectively, but if meds for that condition help you that much maybe it's something you should look into.

As an answer to your first question, yes I probably think about drugs more than the average person. I definitely don't think about them "most of the day", however. And as for your question about ADHD, I suspect that I have it. I once took an ADHD test online and it told me that I more than likely have Adult ADHD. But obviously, this is no diagnosis. I've tried to get my mom to take me to the doctor to get me tested but she refused to have me prescribed any pills that have a potential for abuse. I plan on getting myself tested as soon as I turn eighteen.

@Slimvictor, I realize inhalants are dangerous. That is why I stopped abusing them with only a few slip ups here and there. I used to huff airduster all the time in middle school. I've realized with age how stupid it is though.

 

[Swimmingdancer]

If the negative effects of drugs were always obvious then drug addiction would hardly be a societal problem.

Exactly. Often we don't notice the negative effects on our health, mental health and lives until it's too late and has become very difficult to recover from them.

 

[macd610]

As an answer to your first question, yes I probably think about drugs more than the average person. I definitely don't think about them "most of the day", however. And as for your question about ADHD, I suspect that I have it. I once took an ADHD test online and it told me that I more than likely have Adult ADHD. But obviously, this is no diagnosis. I've tried to get my mom to take me to the doctor to get me tested but she refused to have me prescribed any pills that have a potential for abuse. I plan on getting myself tested as soon as I turn eighteen.

@Slimvictor, I realize inhalants are dangerous. That is why I stopped abusing them with only a few slip ups here and there. I used to huff airduster all the time in middle school. I've realized with age how stupid it is though.

I went through my life with undiagnosed ADHD until I went back to school in my twentys. I was seeing a psychiatrist for anxiety, and before I knew what was happening, I was diagnosed with adult ADHD.
It explained SO much.
I know this is getting off topic, so PLEASE PM me if you want to hear more, or to talk. It's amazing how much the condition can affect one when not properly diagnosed at the age symptoms present themselves