I Need an Outside View -- Help Me Out v. Teamwork

[lovepsychadelics]

Okay so slight personality flaw.. Need an outside view on how to conquer this as it's something that has made and still makes me look bad on certain occasions.

I have difficulty telling the truth when I know or think it is something somebody doesn't want to hear. This usually ends up getting me in trouble at times because sometimes people expect something and it isn't quite how I made it out.

For example I told somebody I would be awake and meet them at 2 (foster dog meet thing -- don't let your mind go in the gutter), and I ended up not being available yet at that time. Instead of just telling them I needed an hour more and asking if that was okay (I assumed they would think I was an ass for not being ready yet when I said I would be), I made up excuses to sugarcoat the situation.

It's a symptom of possibly some kind of mild personality disorder. Sometimes you can't please people accept this and don't lie. Harder said than done I know. I think one method may be to think "What will the person think of me if my white lie is discovered vs an extra hour to meet?" Some people don't like even the most sugar coated lie as it's just bull shit with a sticky sugar coating.

Otherwise it's a trip to the psychologist to figure out the underlying cause of your inability to communicate with others without trying to be an overly "people pleasing person". This coming from a socio/psychopathic, anti social personality disorder but hey we all have our faults and by making suggestions and communicating with others in what is I hope a helpful manner reduces my tendencies and helps my own psychological issues. Hope this does actually help .

This thread is about minor psychological issues and management strategies/techniques? As you can see I have no issues speaking the truth even if it's ugly. My problem is knowing when to stop or how what I say effects others.

 

[lovepsychadelics]

caseface99 your dealing with a typical borderline personality disorder and nothing you ever do will be right, you will always be wrong, you will always be at fault, your answers are never the right ones etc. It's nothing that you do or can do for that matter. Your partner has issues you can navigate the minefield and hope for the best, you can try and get professional help (this will go down like the fucking Titanic) or you can leave. I've been there done that and left more on more than one occasion.

Easy for me to say as I've anti social personality issues and borderline psychopathic tendencies but in reality it never is, you hurt they hurt but in the end do you want to hurt for the rest of your life? That is what being with someone like that is, pain and pleasure, love and hate because they love and hate themselves at the same time and you are no different. Being with someone that is so manipulative and coercing when they want something that getting it for them makes you feel like the center of the universe. However the wrath of god comes down from heaven if their needs/wants are not met. I know this feeling and it's unhealthy...

 

[caseface99]

^^ Yeah, honestly you hit the nail on the head with all of that. That's exactly the dynamic of the relationship currently.

But it wasn't for the first few months, that's what i don't understand. I miss the first few months so badly and I don't understand what happened to make things so bad. She went to university, as well as started taking adderall again for school. (she wasn't taking it over the summer cause she only takes it while she's in school).

So I'm guessing it could either be the stress from school, the presence of amphetamines in an emotionally unstable person, or both. (she isn't abusing the adderall by the way, just prescribed doses of like 10-20mgs once/day, could that still throw her out of wack?


edit:

An individual diagnosed with borderline personality disorder needs to show at least 5 of the following criteria:

-Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. (Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior here.)

-A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

-Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

-Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, Substance Abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). (Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior here.)

-Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.

-Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

-Chronic feelings of emptiness.

-Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

-transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

She has pretty much all of these symptoms, minus the anger problems. But like I said they were very minor and manageable until she went back to school and started taking her adderall prescription again. Now it's so bad that every week or two for the last few weeks she's threatened to break up with me, and I'm really losing steam to keep fighting for her. I shouldn't have to try and fight to keep her every time she has an emotional low... It's not fair to me.


Edit again:

So she just called me and apologized. She spoke with her sponsor and it sounds like she made a lot of progress. She finally realizes that communication is key and that she can't just get scared and try to run away every time she get's emotionally low, she's got to start talking to me about it honestly instead. So we'll see what happens. I don't know. If she doesn't show me some real effort to change though and this keeps happening, I may need to think about what's best for me.

Also, I still have a lot of other problems of my own to work on. Like my own depression and emotional stress right now. My lack of any real friends other than this girl. My lack of any hobbies, my lack of interest in most of life in general... It's all catching up with me and my lack of motivation right now definitely isn't just linked to girlfriend problems.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Okay so slight personality flaw.. Need an outside view on how to conquer this as it's something that has made and still makes me look bad on certain occasions.

I have difficulty telling the truth when I know or think it is something somebody doesn't want to hear. This usually ends up getting me in trouble at times because sometimes people expect something and it isn't quite how I made it out.

For example I told somebody I would be awake and meet them at 2 (foster dog meet thing -- don't let your mind go in the gutter), and I ended up not being available yet at that time. Instead of just telling them I needed an hour more and asking if that was okay (I assumed they would think I was an ass for not being ready yet when I said I would be), I made up excuses to sugarcoat the situation.

Even when I know I will say things that can or will hurt feelings, I'm honest. You should only think about how you feel.