💂‍♂️ UK 💂‍♂️ I massively fucked up 🤦‍♀️

[Deryn]

Had a total mental health meltdown this week and I think I've fucked everything up for myself.

Went into the day with an NHS record that had no trace of addiction on it. Totally lost the plot as I got rejected from one place to another. Total fucking meltdown.

Got an emergency appointment with a GP at my practise who I didn't know. He seemed nice. Sympathetic. I just fell apart and told him everything in an attempt to get some help with my head.

It's totally screwed my record up now with details I should never have said. I would NEVER normally say all this stuff. I just lost the plot and any sense of judgement.

Now my record has this slapped on it:

History of opiate misuse
Significance: Significant
Status: Active



This is massive I assume?

Ended up with no help whatsoever. Total rejection. Now kicking myself for even trying.

 

[canadianpeduser]

What exactly is your aim with the dr shopping?

 

[Deryn]

What exactly is your aim with the dr shopping?

I got given fentanyl in hospital and it's like a nuclear bomb's gone off in my head. It's brought up a load of blocked memories and RREEAAALLLY bad cravings.

It's supposed to be a thing where triggered traumatic memories can get stuck in this loop while your brain is trying to make sense of it. I just reached this really mental breaking point.

Anyway, was looking for something to try to break the loop (meds but just regular stuff - nothing "unsuitable") and hopefully referrals for counselling. Literally the sort of stuff other people get every day.

The memory that came back revolves around heroin. And then I made it worse by totally spilling my guts about my codeine addiction they knew nothing about. I'm such an idiot.

Seriously 62 days clean of codeine and I feel like I've fucked up.

 

[canadianpeduser]

I got given fentanyl in hospital and it's like a nuclear bomb's gone off in my head. It's brought up a load of blocked memories and RREEAAALLLY bad cravings.

It's supposed to be a thing where triggered traumatic memories can get stuck in this loop while your brain is trying to make sense of it. I just reached this really mental breaking point.

Anyway, was looking for something to try to break the loop (meds but just regular stuff - nothing "unsuitable") and hopefully referrals for counselling. Literally the sort of stuff other people get every day.

The memory that came back revolves around heroin. And then I made it worse by totally spilling my guts about my codeine addiction they knew nothing about. I'm such an idiot.

Seriously 62 days clean of codeine and I feel like I've fucked up.

Stay strong my guy. It’s good you’re talking about it. Sounds like you want to be clean

 

[Deryn]

Stay strong my guy. It’s good you’re talking about it. Sounds like you want to be clean

Thank you

 

[canadianpeduser]

Thank you

I have had an issue with crack the last year. I’m 18 days completely sober right now as it’s what’s best for me. I’ve been in the game for a long time and have had issues with pretty much every substance out there. If you need some support or need to vent, hit my inbox I gotchu

 

[Ismene2]

Good luck Deryn - dont worry too much, it sounds as if you wernt getting much help from the NHS anyway. I cant get any drugs from the gp with a clean record so who cares?

I remember when I woke up in hospital after being found unconscious in a field. The doctor came in and said "Do you take drugs?" and I said " Never". (It was the last time I ever took fucking ghb)

 

[GulpingBatteryLiquid]

The NHS seem pretty eager to hand out methadone to deal with opiate tapers, especially when compared to handing out benzos for an alcohol taper, so if you're worried about not being able to get that in future I wouldn't worry

If you're worried about pain meds, nobody gets those anymore anyway unless they're actively on fire

 

[Deryn]

I have had an issue with crack the last year. I’m 18 days completely sober right now as it’s what’s best for me. I’ve been in the game for a long time and have had issues with pretty much every substance out there. If you need some support or need to vent, hit my inbox I gotchu

Thank you so much! I'm still going. Nearly caved earlier, can't lie. Well still struggling actually. I'm hoping you're doing alright

 

[Deryn]

The NHS seem pretty eager to hand out methadone to deal with opiate tapers, especially when compared to handing out benzos for an alcohol taper, so if you're worried about not being able to get that in future I wouldn't worry

If you're worried about pain meds, nobody gets those anymore anyway unless they're actively on fire

It's more that they instantly treated me like shit It opens your eyes I guess. Like there's this whole other side of stuff I've never noticed before. I dunno. Naive I guess.

 

[canadianpeduser]

Thank you so much! I'm still going. Nearly caved earlier, can't lie. Well still struggling actually. I'm hoping you're doing alright

Yeah man I am. Keep on it you’ll be okay

 

[highabdl]

I honestly wouldn't worry. Healthcare providers don't really judge and if they do who cares.. it shouldn't affect your treatment. I mean obviously it might but it could go either way.

They're stingy with basically anything that can be addictive with everyone anyway. I dread to think what is written on my medical records tbh

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

Had a total mental health meltdown this week and I think I've fucked everything up for myself.

Went into the day with an NHS record that had no trace of addiction on it. Totally lost the plot as I got rejected from one place to another. Total fucking meltdown.

Got an emergency appointment with a GP at my practise who I didn't know. He seemed nice. Sympathetic. I just fell apart and told him everything in an attempt to get some help with my head.

It's totally screwed my record up now with details I should never have said. I would NEVER normally say all this stuff. I just lost the plot and any sense of judgement.

Now my record has this slapped on it:

History of opiate misuse
Significance: Significant
Status: Active



This is massive I assume?

Ended up with no help whatsoever. Total rejection. Now kicking myself for even trying.

I know how you feel mate. I've always been very careful about what I divulge to doctors.

But when I went to the drug services for a methadone prescription many moons ago, it was all dumped onto my medical records.

But to be honest, I don't think it's made much difference. Not many people these days get prescribed controlled drugs outside of dedicated drug services, and GPs have never brought it up.

In fact, now I've got a condition that requires regular blood tests, I wish my past history was more visible because I'm sick of having to tell the phlebotomist which veins to use because most of my main ones are fucked.

 

[LoginNotSecure]

For what it's worth, even though the initial post is almost a year old, you can self refer to services such as drug and alcohol treatment, counselling, CBT etc. You don't need a Dr to do it for you. If you need/want urgent care, then you can always ring the Crisis Service who will (hopefully) arrange and sort you something a little sooner than waiting for the NHS to get back to you.

But, goes without saying, if you can afford to go private, do that.

 

[M!$TER-ED]

You've heard of freudian slip?