Venting I just hate being sober

[Uden]

You're good, I don't mind long replies, it's rather the opposite unless it's taking like forever to read which is certainly not the case here.
If you want to split the answer click reply like you did and then just start typing into the quoted text where you want to comment.

Ik that ordering is not without risk, and I don't know your exact laws on this kind of thing, but honestly in your situation I would do it. There's a lot of risk reduction measures one can and definitely should take, and also quite a bit to learn in maneuvering it safely. Trust me I also had to learn a few lessons paying dearly for not knowing them...

And it's same for me about the never expected consequences of drug abuse. I mean I was warned and I knew it's risky, but the real outcome is a cascade of things I just couldn't foresee and that I'd either ignored or believed they'd never happen to ME cause I knew what I was doing... Which I obviously didn't in several cases...
And I'm saying that despite being definitely on the lucky side when it comes to the damage to my life ( compared to so many others).
I honestly wish for you to find a way to improve your situation and family relationships... Addiction is always destructive to the latter, no matter what...
I know the US health care is... Suboptimal, just wondering if you could maybe go for a Methadone or Bupe substitution? That could definitely ease the situation if it worked for you...

Bah that didn't quite work.. did it? I put my replies in bold to make it a little easier to read that mess of a response. I'll get the hang of it someday heh.

I will say thanks, for shooting the shit with me. Gets kinda lonely out here sometimes. It's nice to have some people to talk to. Sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I value solitude, more than most. But I am human I guess, as unfortunate as that circumstance seems to be at times. I could be a gnat, I suppose. That might be worse.

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

Hey sorry I forgot to tell you to press return before typing
And I was pretty busy today so didn't have the time to reply yet
I don't exactly know what is shooting the shit but it doesn't sound nice and I certainly didn't intend to make fun of you or something, honestly!
I get why you fear to order and I don't know how high the real risk for you would be. It feels wrong to push you toward something that I can't grant to work... Just make sure that if you decide to try it, you have contact with someone who can help you - on here many know the how to I'm sure.
What's POS?

 

[Uden]

Hey sorry I forgot to tell you to press return before typing
And I was pretty busy today so didn't have the time to reply yet
I don't exactly know what is shooting the shit but it doesn't sound nice and I certainly didn't intend to make fun of you or something, honestly!
I get why you fear to order and I don't know how high the real risk for you would be. It feels wrong to push you toward something that I can't grant to work... Just make sure that if you decide to try it, you have contact with someone who can help you - on here many know the how to I'm sure.
What's POS?

"Shooting the shit" is just a U.S. way of saying talking, in a friendly manner. Chatting, passing the time with conversation. I meant no offense at all. I was being genuinely thankful.

And hey man you do you, ain't no rush. I know how stressful life can be, especially for one of "us."

POS just means a not good person. It's an abbreviation for "Piece of Shit." A person of low moral and integral character—well it can mean other things too. You could call a broken screwdriver a POS, for example. But in the regard that I used it, that is what it meant.

I can see how that might get confusing though... "Shooting the shit" being a friendly term, and POS being a not so friendly term lol. You know how us U.S. denizens are, bunch of crazy weirdos.

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

"Shooting the shit" is just a U.S. way of saying talking, in a friendly manner. Chatting, passing the time with conversation. I meant no offense at all. I was being genuinely thankful.

And hey man you do you, ain't no rush. I know how stressful life can be, especially for one of "us."

POS just means a not good person. It's an abbreviation for "Piece of Shit." A person of low moral and integral character—well it can mean other things too. You could call a broken screwdriver a POS, for example. But in the regard that I used it, that is what it meant.

I can see how that might get confusing though... "Shooting the shit" being a friendly term, and POS being a not so friendly term lol. You know how us U.S. denizens are, bunch of crazy weirdos.

That's a relief, , thank you . And yeah, language borders can be troublesome...
And yet there's no better alternative to communication, I think. So keep me updated and let me know what you decide for.
Even I can help you with the online stuff just in case.
I'm currently very undecided about what to go for... Tried to ease the WD with pregabalin and bromazepam today and since I had no more Tolerance it totally knocked me out - I missed two appointments cause I slept like dead...
That's exactly why I was sticking with opiods only lately... But it's difficult tapering and not trying to get high on them... So no big success here.. or should I use the last money on something completely different like 2cb? And maybe switch? No idea if that could work... I'm clueless rn... Ideas?

 

[Uden]

That's a relief, , thank you . And yeah, language borders can be troublesome...
And yet there's no better alternative to communication, I think. So keep me updated and let me know what you decide for.
Even I can help you with the online stuff just in case.
I'm currently very undecided about what to go for... Tried to ease the WD with pregabalin and bromazepam today and since I had no more Tolerance it totally knocked me out - I missed two appointments cause I slept like dead...
That's exactly why I was sticking with opiods only lately... But it's difficult tapering and not trying to get high on them... So no big success here.. or should I use the last money on something completely different like 2cb? And maybe switch? No idea if that could work... I'm clueless rn... Ideas?

Jeeze I wish I could help ya. I'd want to say Methadone to ease WD because it's the only thing that helped me but I've heard you can get high AF on that too if you have no tolerance. So I wouldn't really know. Immodium has opiates in it, or opioids, or whatever the correct term is. Loperamide. You have to take a bunch of them though. I'd do some research on the internet and start out with a low dose if you go that route. It also causes constipation, being an anti-diarrheal. I've used it to try and taper off and it seemed to work but I wouldn't be on it for extended periods or anything. I would definitely ask around and get more than one opinion/perspective. I'm not the best person to ask about that kind of thing in all honesty, I apologize. Suboxone used to be a lifesaver for me but I haven't been able to use those for a long time, since all the fent distribution. I can wait for 96 hours and it will still throw me into withdrawals for whatever reason. There is also a class action lawsuit against the makers of (accuracy?) suboxone, because it supposedly screws with the Ph level in your mouth and causes rampant tooth decay so I'd be careful there too. I don't know how true all that is but I know my teeth have seen better days and it wasn't long after I started using Subs that it all started taking place. Again, I apologize for not being much help on the topic of weaning or WD's/tapering, etc.

And yeah if I ever get to where I think I'm willing to give that a shot I will most certainly hit you up in DM's or something and we can talk about it. Any help at all would be appreciated in all honesty. I just keep having images of being surrounded by swat or something when I go pick up the mail... wouldn't be a good scene for me. I ain't going to prison, if you know what I mean. I'll have to make them put me in the dirt.

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

Jeeze I wish I could help ya. I'd want to say Methadone to ease WD because it's the only thing that helped me but I've heard you can get high AF on that too if you have no tolerance. So I wouldn't really know. Immodium has opiates in it, or opioids, or whatever the correct term is. Loperamide. You have to take a bunch of them though. I'd do some research on the internet and start out with a low dose if you go that route. It also causes constipation, being an anti-diarrheal. I've used it to try and taper off and it seemed to work but I wouldn't be on it for extended periods or anything. I would definitely ask around and get more than one opinion/perspective. I'm not the best person to ask about that kind of thing in all honesty, I apologize. Suboxone used to be a lifesaver for me but I haven't been able to use those for a long time, since all the fent distribution. I can wait for 96 hours and it will still throw me into withdrawals for whatever reason. There is also a class action lawsuit against the makers of (accuracy?) suboxone, because it supposedly screws with the Ph level in your mouth and causes rampant tooth decay so I'd be careful there too. I don't know how true all that is but I know my teeth have seen better days and it wasn't long after I started using Subs that it all started taking place. Again, I apologize for not being much help on the topic of weaning or WD's/tapering, etc.

And yeah if I ever get to where I think I'm willing to give that a shot I will most certainly hit you up in DM's or something and we can talk about it. Any help at all would be appreciated in all honesty. I just keep having images of being surrounded by swat or something when I go pick up the mail... wouldn't be a good scene for me. I ain't going to prison, if you know what I mean. I'll have to make them put me in the dirt.

Don't worry too much about me, I will get through somehow as I always do (despite whining about it )... I'm ok so far with Tramadol and Tapentadol, though the latter is shitty Indian quality ... Can't be helped, it works at least. Loperamid is in stock too. It works for me as well for short, didn't go long with it either. Subs is completely out of reach for me, never knew about those risks!!. I could get Methadone, but with the long halflive I'd probably not do myself a favor..
Tapering can always be done somehow. The real issue is that I'm constantly looking for a high of some sort.. psychological addiction. And how to deal with life sober. But I don't have to even tell you that I guess
Hmm.. There is a thread on here that might have some valuable info for you:

Misc Thread 'Are darknet markets worth it?'

Apr 3, 2024

In light of the recent exit scam/extortion attempt that was being discussed, I wonder how many people have used darknet markets successfully and whether people think they are worth it overall, based on experience.

I remember looking at the first silk road with my friend back on 2011 and for our purposes, it wasn't worth it. If it was around today as it was before DPR the first got taken down then I would use it for certain things but since then, there have been so many exit scams and people getting ripped off by individual vendors that I wonder if it's even worth it.

Have people had...

• pharaoh
• Replies: 238
• Forum: European and African Drug Discussion

• 

Also, DM is always open

 

[Uden]

The real issue is that I'm constantly looking for a high of some sort.. psychological addiction. And how to deal with life sober.

See I've had a lot of "mental disabilities" thrown at me my whole childhood. I'm not sure I really believe in all that. Yeah I know, some random guy on the internet knows more than doctors, right? For me, I had a pretty abusive childhood. Getting beat all the time, tortured sometimes, sexual abuse, the whole nine yards. And they wanted to tell me I was bi-polar, or I had borderline personality disorder, any number of different types of depression from manic to seasonal, and others. I forget them all, I just don't think it's a real science. I think my problem as a kid was... I WAS GETTING THE SHIT KICKED OUT OF ME, AND SEXUALLY ABUSED. Sorry for the caps... not yelling at you. Yelling at idiot doctors world-wide.

I think there is a reason people do the things they do, act the ways they act, etc. and I think most of them can be found right here in the real world, and not in some woo-woo new age voodoo handbook. I think you, like most people, at least have the opportunity to know yourself, very well. Better than anyone else ever will. And you should take it, if you haven't already. That means being honest with yourself about the depraved things you're capable of if you let yourself go. Honest with yourself about the good things you can accomplish if you really put your mind and heart in it. Stuff like that—not shying away from the cold, hard truth of the human condition. The answer to why you do the things you do, or why you are the person you are, is in there somewhere waiting to be found.

That's my two cents. But who am I? What the fuck do I know?

And as for worrying about people, especially the ones I perceive as being "good humans" ... well, that can't be helped. I am what I am.

Also, I appreciate the link to that thread. Sorry, I'm a little tardy sometimes.

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

That means being honest with yourself about the depraved things you're capable of if you let yourself go. Honest with yourself about the good things you can accomplish if you really put your mind and heart in it.

Now I'm the tardy one . This ^ is very true. I realized a bit of the former and the latter... I'm having huge issues with
I fear I'm currently unable to reply properly so I better don't post bs..
I appreciate your 2 ct and that you care a lot.
If I manage to sort out the (chemical) mess I will hopefully be able to say something worth writing

 

[Uden]

Now I'm the tardy one . This ^ is very true. I realized a bit of the former and the latter... I'm having huge issues with
I fear I'm currently unable to reply properly so I better don't post bs..
I appreciate your 2 ct and that you care a lot.
If I manage to sort out the (chemical) mess I will hopefully be able to say something worth writing

Lol you ain't gotta worry about shit with me. Say whatever comes to your mind. I'm not someone who's going to try and hold anyone back. I don't expect much of the people around me, I only ask that they be decent humans. I don't know if that's asking too much or not. And if it is, I don't care. I'm still going to ask that of people. You seem to me, like a decent human being. So like I said, you needn't worry about saying whatever, in whatever way you say it, to me or around me.

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

Lol you ain't gotta worry about shit with me. Say whatever comes to your mind. I'm not someone who's going to try and hold anyone back. I don't expect much of the people around me, I only ask that they be decent humans. I don't know if that's asking too much or not. And if it is, I don't care. I'm still going to ask that of people. You seem to me, like a decent human being. So like I said, you needn't worry about saying whatever, in whatever way you say it, to me or around me.

Thank you! ... I'm drowning in chaos lately.. I really ordered the 2cb instead and that seems to have tipped over my fragile opioid based balance... I have to sort out sm bs.. and there's no heavy trauma here like in your case. I admire you in a way for being a decent human still, cause that's what you seem to be to me. How do you deal with all that aside the H/fent? I mean you still live with your family, all witnesses of your torment...
Hope you're doing well these days...

 

[mirsNeedsHisItch]

" Damn I hate being Sobah,
Imma smokah
Fredo a drinkah
Tadoe off Molly watah "
- chief keef ​

 

[Uden]

Thank you! ... I'm drowning in chaos lately.. I really ordered the 2cb instead and that seems to have tipped over my fragile opioid based balance... I have to sort out sm bs.. and there's no heavy trauma here like in your case. I admire you in a way for being a decent human still, cause that's what you seem to be to me. How do you deal with all that aside the H/fent? I mean you still live with your family, all witnesses of your torment...
Hope you're doing well these days...

Well shit I didn't mean to come off like I was a broken machine lol. Yeah lifes been rough. But I'd say it was that way for most people. I'm sure every other person at least, has those "Man if I could go back and change some things..." parts of their life. I definitely don't intend to make myself into some kind of outlier in that regard. But all that aside, I think I was naturally what they call a "sweet summer child," when I was younger. So I think it's probably just a part of who I am, even though it took more than a little effort to get back to that person. I've put a lot of thought into what kind of person I want to be. I've failed spectacularly in some instances, but I've triumphed in others. It's easy to let go of hate. At least for me it is. It takes a lot out of a person to be that way, and for a while I was that person. But it was essentially thinking about that kind of stuff that helped me leave it all behind. Don't get me wrong I still have my demons, obviously lol.

I appreciate you thinking I'm a decent person. It's hard for me to think that, and no one else seems to give a shit most of the time. I hope you get your stuff sorted out. I don't know what 2cb is. And I'm not sure what you mean by it tipping over your opioid balance. In a good way but a bad way? Or just all bad? Either way. I hope you get it straightened out for your sake. And as far as me living with my family... I mean shit we went through a lot of the traumatic shit together. I don't know what I'd do without them. (I do know... and it's pretty morbid I guess. But hey... what can I say? I'm only a human being.)

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

Well shit I didn't mean to come off like I was a broken machine lol. Yeah lifes been rough. But I'd say it was that way for most people. I'm sure every other person at least, has those "Man if I could go back and change some things..." parts of their life. I definitely don't intend to make myself into some kind of outlier in that regard. But all that aside, I think I was naturally what they call a "sweet summer child," when I was younger. So I think it's probably just a part of who I am, even though it took more than a little effort to get back to that person. I've put a lot of thought into what kind of person I want to be. I've failed spectacularly in some instances, but I've triumphed in others. It's easy to let go of hate. At least for me it is. It takes a lot out of a person to be that way, and for a while I was that person. But it was essentially thinking about that kind of stuff that helped me leave it all behind. Don't get me wrong I still have my demons, obviously lol.

That still sounds pretty great to me, honestly.

I appreciate you thinking I'm a decent person. It's hard for me to think that, and no one else seems to give a shit most of the time. I hope you get your stuff sorted out. I don't know what 2cb is

You're welcome . 2cb is a psychedelic that's being compared to mescaline. It seems to have some empathogenic features and I somehow ignored/didn't take seriously that part. Did you ever take mdma? That's "THE" empathogen. And one of the things I never wanted to try. Sudden feeling of love for everyone possibly making you do stupid things like spilling secrets is making me cringe with resistance... So when I first tried the 2cb I got to hear praises of it's empathogenic qualities and that irritated me so bad I was in an "I hate myself, my life and everything" mood - for three days or so.
That probably sounds damn stupid but it's hard to explain why it hit me so bad.
As per the actual effect I have no issues but the stimulating part of it. I just don't take stims very well, but that doesn't last long.

. And I'm not sure what you mean by it tipping over your opioid balance. In a good way but a bad way? Or just all bad?

I just noticed that I have been rather stable mood wise since I abuse opioids regularly. I only realized that when it was gone as it is ever so often...So a mood swing of that extent came unexpected. And also showed rather clearly that I can't go on as I do. (Which is entirely possible on opioids)... In other words it made me feel the depression I've been covering up rather successfully so far.

Either way. I hope you get it straightened out for your sake. And as far as me living with my family... I mean shit we went through a lot of the traumatic shit together. I don't know what I'd do without them. (I do know... and it's pretty morbid I guess. But hey... what can I say? I'm only a human being.)

Thank you - and I get you. Fully understood

 

[Uden]

That still sounds pretty great to me, honestly.

Well hey thanks. (Dude... did I figure it out? I think I figured it out...)

That probably sounds damn stupid but it's hard to explain why it hit me so bad.

Nope. It doesn't sound stupid at all. Being a social pariah is a road very few wish to travel.

In other words it made me feel the depression I've been covering up rather successfully so far.

I'm not sure I can think of an anti-depressant that doesn't do the same thing, just without that excellent "hugs from god" feeling I've heard described so well.

Thank you - and I get you. Fully understood

Hey don't mention it. It is what it is.

 

[Uden]

Nice. I did it. Yay me.

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

I'm not sure I can think of an anti-depressant that doesn't do the same thing, just without that excellent "hugs from god" feeling I've heard described so well.

Hmm. You're probably right.. might just as well stick with them fr
Also it looks like it won't be my last crypto after all... I just can't face running out... So... I guess I'm gonna be in Junky mode for a little longer

 

[Uden]

Hmm. You're probably right.. might just as well stick with them fr
Also it looks like it won't be my last crypto after all... I just can't face running out... So... I guess I'm gonna be in Junky mode for a little longer

Oh hey I'm not at all trying to coerce anyone into anything or convince anyone of anything either. Just my two cents. And I'm certainly not a doctor (whatever that may or may not mean these days...) Just... you know, don't take anything I say too much to heart. I am quite depressed most of the time. I definitely don't want to drag anyone down that shit hole with me. You do what you think is right for you.

 

[Uden]

Wanna see a cool video/music track I poorly put together?
Really like the video. Really like the song. Thought they complimented each other. Did the best I could do with zero experience.
I take zero credit for anything but the parts that were clearly done in error. Those are all me.

animated-short-paths-of-hate-by-platige-image-ytshorts.savetube.me

www.veed.io

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

Oh hey I'm not at all trying to coerce anyone into anything or convince anyone of anything either. Just my two cents. And I'm certainly not a doctor (whatever that may or may not mean these days...) Just... you know, don't take anything I say too much to heart. I am quite depressed most of the time. I definitely don't want to drag anyone down that shit hole with me. You do what you think is right for you.

I don't think you were pushing me into any direction really. Ofc I am not immune to getting "inspired" by some things, but there was no part here indicating what I should do... It's in the end always me who decides and that includes the responsibility for the consequences...
That video is a short and impressive one (quite sad also imo) while the sound calls of H in some way... Both fitting somehow like that. Certainly not a bad combo...

 

[Uden]

I don't think you were pushing me into any direction really. Ofc I am not immune to getting "inspired" by some things, but there was no part here indicating what I should do... It's in the end always me who decides and that includes the responsibility for the consequences...

Ok cool. I just didn't want to inadvertently do some kind of damage to someone... I know I'm... probably overthinking it. *shrug*

That video is a short and impressive one (quite sad also imo) while the sound calls of H in some way... Both fitting somehow like that. Certainly not a bad combo...

And hey thanks, I thought it was moving. Sad. But... one fit well with the other. I appreciate the feedback. Like I said I didn't really make any of that stuff so I can't claim any kind of credit for it. But I like to pair things sometimes. I think lots of people do. Apparently that studio is the same studio that made some of The Witcher cinematics. They do very good work. (I made up a genre for that kind of music... "Sad Techno" ... I know, super creative lol. It was what I had to work with at the time. )