I don't know if this is SLR or DS but I think more DS...
For anyone who hasn't read my posts I started stripping about five and a half months ago after I was laid off from my job and kicked out of my parents house (after they caught me using for the millionth time).
I really like my job and I am making insanely good money at the moment (averaging about $3,000 a week). I don't envision myself doing it forever obviously but until I finish school and decide what I want to do, or find a coaching position at the same level I was at before I'm happy doing what I'm doing.
I have no moral qualms with what I do but I don't want to subject myself to being judged by the rest of the world and being labeled a whore or a prostitute or assumed to be some manipulative hopeless junkie, or to have to deal with guys assuming "well she's a stripper, she'll sleep with anybody." So I feel like I am constantly hiding who I am from the world during the day, which if I was working some boring job that didn't affect me very much I would't really care about....but this job is such a huge part of my life and so emmotionally tolling (good and bad) by lying and telling someone I'm a waitress or a hotel clerk I feel like I'm leaving out a huge part of my life and who I am.
The fact that I have such bizare hours (I work from 8pm-4am on the weekends and until 2 am on the weekdays, I sleep from 5 or 7 am to 3 pm) and on all the nights people go out has made me completely dissconnected from my old friends (and the fact that I know some of them won't approve of me stripping) and the ones I had have basically forgotten about me and I feel like they're in another world. My family won't speak to me and I honestly have no desire to work on building a relationship with any of them. And with my mother on a rampage to make sure everyone thinks I'm a completely hopeless whoring drug addict it's pretty impossible anyway....
I haven't made any new friends because the only people I meet are dancers (and every one I've become close to has either been way too fucked up on drugs for me to handle, a total mess, or insanely manipulative and backstabbing) customers (who always seem to have somethig wrong with them, are assholes or just expect sex) and other staff members (who are just as bad if not worse than the customers).
I am honestly the loneliest I have ever been in my life. I have one customer-- who is basically the only person I would consider a friend and someone I get support from, I love this man-- who comes in once a week and I make between 2,000 and 2,500 from... I could easily live off just his visits but I go in to work five nights a week because I have nothing else to do and would rather be at the club than sitting alone in my apartment thinking about how miserable I am. I don't want to give up my job but my life feels so EMPTY all the time I feel like I'm really at the end of my rope. I can't go back to school until next semester and so I feel like I'm not stimulated in any way or that my life has direction at this moment, and I have no meaningfull relationships in my life besides the one with this customer (who is married and totally unavailable). I'm good friends with everyone that I work with but it seems like they all live the same way that I do and it just doesn't bother them.
This is a fucking long post but I really don't know what to do, this week has been the worst and I am getting more and more depressed and lonely every week, I can't take this shit anymore.