^ @
powerfarts, I think you are blaming way too much on ADD. I have ADD, my husband has ADD and both of my sons did. The main symptoms that can be debilitating are impulsivity, difficulty concentrating or focusing on one thing for prolonged periods of time and a tendency to disorganization. My husband is an engineer that owns his own business, I'm an art teacher and my living son is just completing his degree and has worked his way through college while waiting tables. In other words, we are coping with our brains just fine. I actually think that naming this kind of brain a name that has Deficit in the middle and Disorder at the end has done way more harm than good. If you took the label out and just said that we are people that have a hard time concentrating, are prone to saying and doing things impulsively and tend to be disorganized we would see those traits like any other traits that we have to adapt to, change to the best of our abilities if we can or, and this is the big one, adapt what we do with our lives to the particular brain we have. I will always think that being a grade school art teacher is a fantastic job for someone with a brain like mine that shoots all over the place. I've got so many new ideas that I don't have enough school days to even do them all! And as far as relationships go, ADD is not only males.
There are plenty of women out there that are not so shallow as to be only interested in a guy's car or money. Just like guys that are only interested in a girl's looks, they exist but I don't know if it is really even a majority in either case, it's just the pervasive image. After all the media tells us that's what we should care about (looks for women and success/money for men). But look around at real people. There are countless couples that are happy with each other that don't fit the stereotypes. It is up to each of us as individuals to rebel against these narrow cultural coffins and actually see each other as human beings. Your girlfriend right now sounds emotionally abusive and I think that you would be doing yourself a favor to either confront her with that and see if she would consider counseling of some sort or leaving. No one deserves someone that blames them and subjects them to explosive anger all the time.
OP, I wanted to respond to the things you were inviting opinions on:
Me: "thank you michelle for not being turned off by me revealing that to you. I have such a hard time in the beginning with people because I have sort of a intensely spontaneously and dorky personality that ppl dont get sometimes. I'm going through a transformation process from the old me into the new Christ centered me"
I don't think you have to thank someone for not being turned off by you. Just start with the honest second sentence. Telling someone that you have a hard time with people in the beginning is fine but calling yourself "dorky" is not a great label to put in her head and definitely not one you want in your own head.
Me: "I dont really have any close friends. I use to but they left. And the friends I do have live faw away and we only talk by phone. I spend basically everyday alone watching a lot of tv, reading, etc."
Again, what about just saying, "It's hard for me to feel comfortable with people, but I am really trying to change that. I really appreciate how open you are." You don't need to say that you sit alone all day and paint it in a bad light. You could say, "I spend a lot of time alone and I'm comfortable with that but I'm working on being more social and reaching out more."
Me:I hope im not freaking you out, its just, i dont really know how to be just friends with a girl actually. The only girls ive ever been close to have been romantically involved."
I think what you said here is perfect. It's sweet and honest and if I were the girl I would be honored that you were trusting me to say it.
As far as the timbre of your voice goes, if it really bothers you you could get voice training from a voice coach. But seriously, I would bet that you are your own worst critic when it comes to that. Whenever I hear my own voice on a recording or in a video or something I think I sound like an 8 year old with a bad cold LOL. Other people don't even notice or if they do it is hardly the most important part of an impression. Don't censor yourself. You have a very open and honest persona and many people respond positively to that. Those that don't? You don't need them.
Absinthekittie had perhaps the best advice in here, which is to listen,
really listen, more than you talk. When you do that, you automatically reverse roles from the person feeling a lack of confidence to the person helping someone else feel more confident. Without any effort this begins to build your own confidence and creates real connection with people. Everybody is starving for genuine connection, no matter how they present on the surface IME. The neediness that people project often prevents them from getting what they so desperately need. Giving to someone else and shifting the focus onto the other person's need ends up fulfilling both.
The best thing that anyone can do is to work on becoming comfortable and accepting of themselves. It's a hard road in this image-driven culture but it is perhaps our only true freedom that no one can either give us, nor take away. As long as you are working on that your life is on track and everything else gets easier.
