"I guess that's why they call it window panw\"

Me and my girlfriend have been together going on 6 years this coming January. I don't know if we're going to make it but I pray that we do make it to our 6th anniversary and beyond. I just feel like she's getting really tired of my shit. Which I can't blame her. She started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist last month. I'm happy for her, I want her to get better. She deserves someone better than me, I always tell her. But I am selfish and want to keep her for me.

So what the fuck do I do, man, what do I do.

I feel like she can be this soaring eagle and I'm just a huge weight tied to her ankle so she can't even spread her wings and fly. God, that was so cheesy.

I've been doing heroin since last night at around 8pm. I'm gonna be fucked soon. Another fucking kick for me. Then I get my oxycodone script. Then I fuck with those for a week maybe and another kick. The opiate roller coaster, man...

I am so mentally tired it's not even funny... But I don't even give a shit. As long as I have dope I'm a happy camper. Sick, ain't it? Fucking hell.

Well... at least I can go to bed early tonight... sleep till my therapy appointment, heh.

Or sleep forever...

 

She's with you because you have a kind heart and she believes in you. A lot of us do. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You've got problems (who doesn't?), but you're a fantastic person and that shines through.

 

I wish you could get off that roller coaster. You, and your life, are worth so much more than that. In the meantime, hang in there.