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I get very afraid of dying

The last few postings are beautiful... and so truthful. I would add more but I feel there is really nothing more to add lol
 
Yeah^definitely. Reminds me of the The Matrix. Not necessarily with computers and machines but just with spirit energy in general.
 
"Location is an illusion based on the rules of the road because there is ONE intelligent super being that wants to experience multiplicity and separation so that it can reunify."
 
Woke up in an unusual mood today.

Not depressed or agitated, just indifferent and bored of the idea of living any longer in this world.

Made my mind 90% up to go and get two pints of spirits and a plastic bag to tie over my head after I'd flushed it down with 100+ Etizolam.

Considered it seriously for a while, and felt kind of impatient, if I'd had it all there and then I think I would have done it.

Then calmed down for a bit and thought about loose ends I have to tie up, and there's always next week.
 
Ninae said:
Woke up in an unusual mood today.

Not depressed or agitated, just indifferent and bored of the idea of living any longer in this world.
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I know the feeling. I mostly enjoy the oblivion between sleep and awakeness and am somewhat disappointed when I wake up. Its actually seemingly feeble things that keep me motivated to continue this "life".. the constant growth progression of my beard, DMT, and reuniting with my foreign lovers in the future.. Life in this society can be pretty monotonous and tricky. Have to discover what keeps you going through all the shit that society's robots and the media shoves in your face. After undergoing personal experiences and research (particularly selfless acts of monks), I am indifferent to suicide. Its your life, you have your reasons, and no one should be entitled to it, despite what these fuck govts think. Find your drive or make that leap into the unknown; both require a substantial amount of courage & dedication. With life, we're stuck in between the two.
 
Waffle Sock said:
I know the feeling. I mostly enjoy the oblivion between sleep and awakeness and am somewhat disappointed when I wake up. Its actually seemingly feeble things that keep me motivated to continue this "life".. the constant growth progression of my beard, DMT, and reuniting with my foreign lovers in the future.. Life in this society can be pretty monotonous and tricky. Have to discover what keeps you going through all the shit that society's robots and the media shoves in your face. After undergoing personal experiences and research (particularly selfless acts of monks), I am indifferent to suicide. Its your life, you have your reasons, and no one should be entitled to it, despite what these fuck govts think. Find your drive or make that leap into the unknown; both require a substantial amount of courage & dedication. With life, we're stuck in between the two.
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Agree with you 100%... I feel the same exact way. That halfway mark between sleep and being awake... I could lay in bed for hours in that state without any motivation to wake up and do what I am currently doing. The things that keep me going: the prospect of leaving my job and working my way around the world, experiencing all there is to see and do on this planet while I'm here, while maintaining a good relationship with my family, especially my brother as he is my best friend, even though it seems we will have different paths in life, and my parents. Helping promote public health in the Peace Corps, teaching English in other foreign countries, working and biking my way from hostel to hostel, staying in monasteries and eco-villages/communes/farms, taking holidays in cheap yet beautiful parts of the world, having adventures, the occasional low-dose psychedelic trip and DMT also, exploring and discovering, learning, trying foods, working out, and again all the meanwhile staying close to my family as much as I can in this crazy life. It will make getting out of that half-dream state each morning a little easier if we treat ourselves the most we have to offer ourselves. Hopefully everything will work out okay. In any case, I suppose it will - we all end up in the same place anyway ;)
 
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