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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

I fucked my bestfriend up.

I wouldn't feel bad; I have talked to someone else about this very subject.

You have to realize, a lot of people do IV drugs. They may have learned later down the road from someone else, and that person may have not taught them harm reduction techniques.

As long as you did your best to tell them the best way to do everything, not to share needles, etc. - I don't think you should have to feel bad man. :)
 
would u feel better if ur friend werent ignoring u? bc in that case, Im sure u can find the right words to reach out.

however, i know how u feel bc i have introduced a lot of ppl to the needle and speedballing among other things. but not everyone develops an awful habit and loses everything, and even then, it's not ur fault bc if it wasnt u they were probably going to meet someone else to try it. Also, what captain h said is totally true about harm reduction too. I have introduced drugs to ppl but I have also spread lots of harm reduction and have helped ppl out with subs or done or other helpful info, so makes me think that I have been somewhat balanced.

anyway, guilt doesn't help as u probably know and just figure out what else would make u feel better and that maybe.
 
it's one thing to show someone how to do something if they're eager already; but when i think "introduce" i think kind of the stereotypical image of holding them by the shoulder and going, "hey there's this great stuff you should try...come to the next room..." i.e. somewhat pushing them on it, not against their will, but still, introducing it in a "positive" way is quite nasty IMO, but just helping someone out who is hell-bent on doing it anyway is definitely not very bad [but still does/would make me feel guilty nonetheless, because of the type of person I am]
 
I wouldn't blame yourself. He would've eventually tried it or something like it with someone else. I don't blame the guy that got me started doing heroin. I started doing heroin when I was 15, I've been on methadone since 17 and I'm 21 now. I've been homeless, been to prison, etc. but I would never blame him. It was MY choice, I could've said no. You didn't force the needle into your friend's arm. He agreed to do it. Don't beat yourself up.
 
I just wanted to say thanks everyone for the replies and I got to hangout with my friend and the first thing he said to me was "man fuck trying to shoot myself up" and he showed me his hand and it made me smile because he can't IV himself which means he wont use IV without someone else.
He also jus ran outta needles and he isn't the type to go to the needle exchange or go WAY out of his way to IV some more.
He is doing alright,from what ic an see but he still sometimes ignores me and I suspect he is still IVing here and there but am not sure.
I jus Pray he doesnt go down the road I went down becuz that was a fun but HARSH road.
When we hungout I offered him some Sub whichw e take recreationally and explained to him why IV hydromorphone[which was and is what he lies to do besides IV sub/tex] sucks becausxe all there is to it is a rush and then thats it.
No hgh afterwords and I explained that to him and it seemed like I almost convinced him that if he is goig to IV to not IV hydromorphone and jus stick to Bup like I do and I think it helped a little at least.
YEs,I think hydromorphone is WAY over rated.
Yeah,the rush is pretty intense and nice,but I like having a high afterwords otherwise Ill just shoot some coke instead lol.

And yes,capnHeroin,I taught him ALL thwe proper IVing techniques and precautions.And I believe he takes the ones he can take.
 
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Hey man I'll tell you a quick true story. My older brother got me into drugs when he was in college and I was a sophmore in highschool. For a good year or so I got all my drugs from him, weed/extacy/coke/ketamine mostly. Then after that I began finding more sources, using more drugs, and turning into a full blown addict while he graduated college, ended his little "experimental phase" and wound up making $150,000 his first year out of college. He became very successful.

I didn't.

I became a vicous everyday user, and speed/coke/weed is what I did everyday all day.

Freshman year in college got busted for maintaining and operating a CDS production facility and sentenced to 7 years.

Did 20months, got out, was clean for a bit etc etc then tried killing myself.

I got drunk with him one night and he started crying hysterically, blaming himself for everything I had gone through, and I never realize how much and how long this was tearing him apart for.

He was bad. It was really starting to effect his mood and he was becoming depressed over it.
Well this is what I told him. First, he had nothing to do with me getting into drugs. Second, I explained to him finally on that night, that I was molested for 2 years as a child, and regardless of WHO introduced me to drugs, THOSE DEMONS WERE ALIVE BEFORE THAT. I would have found someone or something or some excuse to ruin my life NO MATTER WHAT. That is the simple fact.

And I think he eventually came to believe it, because once I got help with those issues, I became a lot more confident of a person overall. Addiction didn't magically dissappear, but it was enough to show him that it wasn't him, but the skeletons in my closet that led me to such a low point in life.

You NEVER KNOW what a person is going through at any given point in life. Even what you think you know about them is very likely not true. And you simply can not blame yourself for the decisions another person makes. Because if it wasn't you, TRUST ME, he WOULD have found someone else.
There is no ifs, ands or buts about it. You didn't do anything wrong, let that shit go. The reality is you are likely just searching for more reasons or excuses to hate yourself, the same way my brother was, but more importantly the same way I and your friend were. You have to know that what happened very very likely would have happened regardless of you existing in this world. Same thing with suicidal people. People always love to blame themselves for that shit (family and what not) never really realizing that was just something that was written in that persons destiny, long before you ever came into their life.
 
Good post bojangles, I enjoyed reading your experience. I am sorry for what you had to go through when you were much younger.

I think it goes to show that we shouldn't always assume that we are to blame for other people's choices/decisions in life.
 
we all make mistakes, espeically when young, troubled & impulsive.

try to make the best of a bad situation.

im really glad you care enough to feel guilty and to keep tabs on your friend. that proves you're a good person. good people are capable of doing bad things; but your conscience is still intact, use it its maximum potential and be a positive influence. it will reflect back on you, and make you better too. take care!
 
Your dad threw scolding hot coffee in your face then bashed the back of your head with a coffee cup causing you to bleed for hours?

Am I the only one who thinks that's one of the most fucked up parts of the OP's post?
 
I was introduced to drugs by one particular friend of mine. Three years later he and everyone else in the group pretty much stuck to ecstasy and pot and got on with life whereas I'm only now beginning to move forward.

But it would be childish and simply unfair and inaccurate for me to hold this against him; it was clearly something about me which caused all the shit to happen.

Drug addiction either consists entirely in or is inseperable from decision-making. Even in the most unbelievable tales of woe and hardship it still relies totally on choice and behaviour. Often we like to pretend otherwise but hindsight always reveals things in this way.

So I didn't read the original post, but my response to this thread's title is "no, you sure as hell did not fuck your friend up". Not unless you, as they say, "held him down and....etc.". So rest easy my man.
 
Jesus man you got a serious conscience.

I can't tell you how many of my childhood friends I introduced to the needle and heroin and are now full blown addicts.

I've also passed my Hepatitis C to a couple people, but I told them I have it and if they share with me there gonna get it and they dont care...

The way i look at it is i didn't force them to do anything and they were probably gonna end up using a needle anyway....

Maybe im just a piece of shit with no conscience? who knows, but i sure dont lose sleep over it
 
Bottom line is, you dont blame the beer company for making alcohol & turning people into alcoholics, do you? Same thing with what you did, you shouldnt be so hard on yourself.
 
but would you tell a big beer company ad executive not to feel guilty after realising after 30 years of persuading people to use alcohol that he has participated in evil?

if you have a conscience, then count yourself still among the living. dont forsake it.

no matter how fucked life gets, if you can remember what its meant to be like once in a while, and to realise how insane you've been, you still have a fighting chance. that's how ive always seen it and how ive avoided committing crimes to feed my addiction [by feeding my conscience; my light side, instead of my dark side. yes, it is just as corny and biblical as fucking Star Wars :)]
 
'Jasonnmp' - I don't really understand your post? My point is that the fact of simply having introduced a person to drugs is not usually sufficient to make the person who gave the introduction morally guilty. I.e., I would not lose sleep over it.
 
And the reason for this is that, after the initial introduction, there follow dozens and dozens, probably hundreds, of choices that are necessary for an addiction to develop. So it doesn't make sense, to my mind, to just focus on the one thing that you did, right at the beginning, and blame yourself for it. It may be the case that, if you did not introduce so-and-so to drugs, they would now be clean; but it sure as shit is the case that they would now be clean if they had not persevered with the substance and made many of their own choices.
 
Man, this is a tough subject. I personally have turned out a good number of people in my day..some of them I feel worse about than others. I mean, you wanna talk about fucked up to make you guys feel a little better about turning your friends who probably already did some drugs on the needle? Well, my hustle used to be finding innocent rich models or NYU girls in Manhattan, party with them, eventually get them strung out and then move in with them while they pay my rent, my habit, everything. Eventually there money would be tapped out, they'd be strung to the gills, and I would leave and find someone else...I was a fucking parasite hah, and I ruined a lot of innocent lives and careers.


Now, that's the shit that I feel bad about. However, guy friends and shit, people who already showed the tendency to experiment with drugs, showing them how to get off doesn't keep me up for a second. Chances are they would have done it anyway at some point, I just moved it along and showed them how do it right.

Lets face it, we all want deep down to bring people into our shit...we want people to party with. So we get our friends on the same shit we are, that way we aren't alone sitting in a puddle of piss in shooting gallery in the lower east side, getting high. It's the pure innocents we fuck up just so we can get them to pay for our rents and habits that is wrong. What I did. And, I have no doubt that when I die..whoever is up there that judges us..will give me my verdict. I accept that.


You have to move on from all the fucked up shit you did when you were using. The only way is to stop and do better in the future. Leave the past where it is, the past.
 
An Update On the Situation

sheekle said:
Your dad threw scolding hot coffee in your face then bashed the back of your head with a coffee cup causing you to bleed for hours?

Am I the only one who thinks that's one of the most fucked up parts of the OP's post?
Click to expand...

He was drunk when he did that and kept asking me for suboxone but I kept telling him no because for 1,I was low and 2,he never gets me back on time.
He hasnt bein drinking much lately and we get along...for the most part.

Everyone I wanted to make an update on the situation.
Now,I have hungout with my friend handful of times since making this thread.
He is now "messing around" with the girl I dated a few months back who was the one who introduced me to IV hydromorphone.
She used the fuck outta me.
Took my virginity and fucked me twice more and always kisssed me and made out with me and such knowing in her head and heart that doing those things would enable her to get what she wanted from me.
And of course,it did.
Everytime I bought HM,I pretty much had to/was assumed to by her to buy her one two.
Everytime I took some sub,I gave her some too becuz I knew she expected that.
We hungout/dated for about a month or so.
Then she started fucking this other person I know and I pretended like I didn't know and that she wasn't and tried my hardest to give her the benefit of the doubt.I mean,I really liked her and wanted to make a real relationship.
What a dumbass I was.
But she was..And I know I knew that deep down.
Eventually she stopped returning my calls and hanging out with me less and less til oneday we go into an arguement and I called her a lying decieving whore who uses sex and anything to do with sex to get drugs outta people.
Now,my bestfriend is with her alot doing Hydromorphone I am sure and I fucking warned him about her ONCE but he didn't listen and that's why I didnt warn him again.
Because I knew that A)he didnt give a fuck or B)He didn't believe me.
She is going to fucking break his Heart just like she did to me.
And I know he has grown attached to her becuz he is alot like me and also she is VERY good at using people.
He cameover about two weeks ago saying he just got back from dinner with his dad and was withdrawig going from hot to cold hot to cold hot to cold along with headaches and body aches.
But then he told me he,after pretty much begging,got her or someone she knows to spot him half a syringe full of liquid HM.So he felt better.
Yeah,we get the liquid injectable form.
And as I stated before,I believe Hydromorphone is the Cocaine of opiates.
Comes on fast and strng via IV but after ten minutes there is NO high
and thats why I dislike HM ALOT.Not worth the money.IV cocaine is better too.
Anyways,he just got a job at speedway so im happy for him but we still dont hang as much as we used to and I know that..That...THAT STUPID WHORE is playing him like a fucking fool.
Also,Im glad he got a job but at the sametime I know whats gonna happen,hes gonna spend most,if not,all his money on drugs.
He doesnt have to pay his dad rent so all of his paychecks are his and his alone.
He told me he wont spend it all on drugs but I told him you don't know that til the monies in yer hand.
I mean,I spend the majority of my paycheck on drugs too but also pay my gramma good rent money and give her my whole entire foodshare card so yea.
As I stated above,he has no rent to pay.
I am worried about him and I jus tried calling him and he didnt answer.He could be at work but most likely he is with that whore.
Sorry for the swears,my drug use and swearing makes me look like a TERRIBLE Christian but I am trying,I really am.
I work tonight and close so ill prolly call him after I get out since he stays up late like I do and see if he wants to chill.

Also,his arms are gettn more and more noticable track mark wise.

I thank you all for your words of wisdom.
I don't feel nearly as bad as I did BUT I still hold some guilt and always will.
And I deserve that and am glad for that actually because I am one of the most caring people anyways will ever meet.
Thank you everyone I read all your replies and hope I will get some more.
 
you sound like you have a healthy conscience man. it's people like you who are able to get out of this lifestyle. also, if that girl is in your guys's circle of friends, it does sound pretty likely that he would have tried iv dilaudid anyway. especially if you guys always get the USP injectable liquid. holy fuck thats incredible stuff. ive only gotten a 50mg/ml vial like three times before, but it was hands down the best opiate ive ever banged. its like super clean, sterile heroin, you dont even need to cook the shit up. you just draw it right out of those damn little cursed glass jars.

i dont see how you dont like HM but that VERY lucky for you you don't. i call it the crack of opiates -- like you said, comes on extremely strong, and leaves you high and dry just as quick, fiending for more. [not to mention tolerance builds 10x quicker than with any other opiate]. but that injectable liquid stuff has legs, just like heroin, IME. i dont know why but it lasted a lot longer than just water mixed with extracted dilaudid pills. and the same for the junky who was getting it with me too.

so if it is as short lasting as you say, it sounds like it might be just white dilly pills or HM beads [in canada anyway] mixed with water and sold as liquid HM. unless you're seeing the medical vials yourself. in which case i have no idea how they're getting a consistent supply of that shit. must be a VERY low-key but corrupted medical worker lurking around.

diabolical insanity.

may god have mercy on us all.

SERIOUSLY :(
 
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