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I found out who raped me

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Bring the charges. The dude is only going to rape again, and four years down the line after the statute of limitations passes and you find out that he might have raped others since he raped you, you will regret not taking a shot at putting him away in a prison, where he will get what is coming to him. We do use prison rape as a weapon to deter and punish all crime in this country, and while it may be unjustifiable in most cases, it will be at worst an eye for an eye in his case.


Or you can just kill him, but then you face potential legal prosecution (assuming, of course, you get caught).
 
^ She can't bring charges without forensic evidence, otherwise it would be her word against his. The only way to strengthen such a case would be if there are already multiple police reports on the guy, Pagey is able to connect with a witness who saw the rapist with her, or if Pagey is able to find other victims and together they could form a joint case against him.

That's why I think it could be worth it to file a police report even if no charges come of it, because then there is a record for in the future if another victim comes forward. For all we know there might already be previous police reports on this guy.

Without evidence, the defense attorney will blame the victim to create reasonable doubt.
 
What a tough situation Pagey :(. Beachcat probably said it best If you can seek professional help I strongly suggest doing so. Talking face to face with a person who will not judge you but simply listen will help with the healing process. I am a believer in street justice for this type of crime but karma has it's own way of working life out ultimately.
 
There are people who take money to make karma a more tangible force...

Just kidding. If you think legal action won't get any results, talk to a good lawyer and see what they think about your chances. Otherwise you'll just have to try to move on somehow. It's really hard to let somebody get away with something like this, I imagine that's one of the hardest parts.

Either way good luck. Seriously
 
Pagey said:
Hi,

I don't know if any of you recall but I posted here about being raped a few months ago. I didn't know who the man was and I got off relatively okay since I didn't end up pregnant and tested clean for STDs. It was obviously really traumatizing and I've been trying to pick up the pieces since then.
Anyway, earlier today I found out who the man was. Turns out he's a friend of an acquaintance, I stumble on a picture of them on facebook and I'm absolutely sure it's him.
I really don't know what to do about this. I don't want to take legal action. I know someone who tried to get her rapist arrested and the defense attorney did everything he could to try and show that it was her fault. The trial hurt her just as much as what actually happened and she got out convinced that she had deserved it. I've already been struggling with that, thinking it was my fault etc., and I just don't think I can handle someone else saying it to me. I also couldn't bear to get my family or my friends involved. Only a couple people know (and even then, they don't know much) and I just can't tell them. I don't even want to tell my acquaintance who this guy is. I don't know if I can do it. I don't want anyone in my 'real' life to know what happened to me.
Anyway this is opening up a lot of wounds and I don't really know what I'm hoping for since I said I didn't want to do anything about it...but support would be cool I guess.

Thanks.
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damn Pagey Im sorry to hear you had to go through that, and as others have said if you dont feel comfortable going to court and are 100% its the guy id honestly rather just see you have someone kick his ass. It would teach him not to do it again a lot faster than a drawn out court case that probably wouldnt emd in justice anyway. Seriously, find someone who can make him bleed and tell them what he did. I'd have no problems kicking the shit out of a rapist but thats just me
 
Thanks for all the new replies. I think I might try to file a report with the police. With any luck he's already on their radar and they'll be able to do something.
Trust me, I certainly would love for him to get beaten up but I don't want to be responsible for something like that. Despite everything I'm really not a very violent person and I'd hate myself if I asked my friends to you know, bring him justice. Even if he deserves it.
I wish he'd rot away in prison forever though.

<3 <3 <3
 
Pagey said:
I wish he'd rot away in prison forever though.

<3 <3 <3
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if you don't talk the police he wont go to jail. while it may suck to deal with, just think about the trouble you are saving his next potential victim.

other than that, you can throw him a beating, or publicly (anonymously) call him out as a rapist piece of shit. flyers with his face and big letters claiming rapist, calls to his work, school, all can be done without violence or the police....
 
Hey,

I can't imagine how hard this must be for you - but it's not something to be ashamed of. If you can't bring charges I urge you to speak to someone - even if it's just your closest friend. They'll understand. They're not going to mock or humiliate you any further, rather they'll support you. And if charges can't be brought the next most destructive thing is letting people know who committed the rape. I've seen men's lives destroyed by such accusations, and if you're looking for revenge it's an option.
 
Pagey said:
Thanks for all the new replies. I think I might try to file a report with the police. With any luck he's already on their radar and they'll be able to do something.
Trust me, I certainly would love for him to get beaten up but I don't want to be responsible for something like that. Despite everything I'm really not a very violent person and I'd hate myself if I asked my friends to you know, bring him justice. Even if he deserves it.
I wish he'd rot away in prison forever though.

<3 <3 <3
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pagey <3
if you talk to the police just make sure not to have any expectations going in.... i dont want to see you more hurt and sad
also as far as giving him "what he deserves" its these kind of situations where it would be so much easier to be a sociopath!!!
 
Based on your options what would give you peace? Confront him, let him know that you know who he is and tell him his 'time' is coming (leave him looking over his shoulder). Have the living shit kicked out of him, have him shot, nailed to a tree etc Take his photo and post it around where he lives 'outing' him as a rapist etc

Missed the last updates - good luck with the police. <3
 
Indeed, what is going to bring you peace. And what will give you peace as you get older. I was raped when I was 17 and here I am at 67 and I still haven't really completely gotten over it. At the time I did all the necessary complaining. He lost his job and his references but .... This doesn't give you back what you were before. If anything I would like to meet my rapist and talk to him about what he did. I would like to know if he felt any remorse later on in his life. Did he try this with other people? Does he remember me like I remember him. I would like to give absolution and set his heart at rest, so mine can rest too.
 
sorry to hear that this happened to you. while it's tough to prove in court given the lack of forensic evidence, filing a complaint could shed light on your attacker if he's been investigated or accused of doing this before, or could help another woman if he does this again in the future. just make sure to weigh your options because as mentioned repeatedly, his lawyers could destroy you emotionally (in your already understandably vulnerable state) given the your word against his factor.

i hope you stay strong and i am here if you ever need to vent <3 at the least i hope your heart can find peace one day.
 
Hi Pagey! I just hope whatever you do or don't decide to do regarding this you make your peace and get past it as much as you can soon. :)
 
Pagey said:
Thanks for all the new replies. I think I might try to file a report with the police. With any luck he's already on their radar and they'll be able to do something.
Trust me, I certainly would love for him to get beaten up but I don't want to be responsible for something like that. Despite everything I'm really not a very violent person and I'd hate myself if I asked my friends to you know, bring him justice. Even if he deserves it.
I wish he'd rot away in prison forever though.

<3 <3 <3
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I think that's a good idea. The police won't pursue charges without a witness or any evidence like a rape kit, doctor's evaluation right after, etc.
Bearlove said:
Take his photo and post it around where he lives 'outing' him as a rapist
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^ good one also. main thing is to let as many people as you can know. As long as a report is in the database, the next time he pops up being accused, a pattern will develop.
 
Pagey <3

My most heartfelt well wishes are for you. I have 3 sisters and it very much goes without saying that if anything like this ever happened to one of them, I would likely never be able to post on BL for quite the extended amount of time. That said, I think your best course of action is to confide in your most trusted friend, be it your mother, sister, whoever and let them know what happened. Then ask for their support as you file a police report. There is nothing you can really do now beyond a report but it is best to make it so if he does this again, he will be caught and prosecuted.

In the mean time, you could conjure up some Lisbeth Sander mentality and brand him a POS human being forever. If you get my meaning. ;)

Stay strong and I hope every day is a little better for you.
 
wow, heavy thread. very sorry to hear this. hope the dog gets what is coming to him and that you yourself feel better soon pagey.
all the best
 
Pagey, have you considered getting in touch with a rape support organization? My partner used to be a domestic violence advisor and i was always impressed with the level of support available. I think this is something you need to have help with, no?
 
amnesiaseizure said:
Pagey, have you considered getting in touch with a rape support organization? My partner used to be a domestic violence advisor and i was always impressed with the level of support available. I think this is something you need to have help with, no?
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agreed- someone you could talk to who understood what it was like to be in that situation could really help. also all the talk about getting a complaint on record is a good idea. the whole thing is really negative and you have to look into to trying to heal the mental damage that this has done. counselling could help xx
 
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