JohnnyGoodBoy
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2009
- Messages
- 91
I'm in really bad shape right now, and I feel like I need help. I feel like I need a big change in my life, something inspirational, an epiphany, something that will change my view and my perspective on life.
I walk around in perpetual grayness, and I project this to everyone around me. I look at my eyes in the mirror, and I see no soul, a blank empty person where a vibrance once was.
Professionally, I'm rocking! I'm a doctor, and I'm finally on the cusp of making the big bucks. When most people find out what I do for a living, they are amazed. It's a good feeling. A lot of people spend their life worrying about money, and because of my hard work, (baring any unforeseen monkey-wrench) I most likely will be financially stable for the rest of my life.
Profession aside, every other aspect of my life is fucked up. I walk around with a permanent frown. A sad, lifeless expression. It's hard to smile, it takes effort. If I'm at a bar with my friends, I am constantly being reminded to smile.
I currently have no steady girl in my life. I got laid last night, and I don't even care. It gave me no joy, no pleasure. I was cheated on by my x-fiance. I used to more compassionate towards women.
I have a history of drug abuse (though I haven't touched an illegal drug in YEARS).
I thought perhaps psychiatry and medication would help. I've been seeing a shrink regularly for the past year, and I'm taking Wellburin XL 150mg. It's been an uphill/downhill kind of battle, but lately I feel like I'm getting little out of it. The Wellbutrin makes me paranoid, and somewhat OCD, yet when I tried weening off of it I was even more depressed.
Lately, I don't trust anyone's intentions. My friends, family, NO ONE. I think everyone hates me, everyone talks shit about me. Although I wouldn't actually kill myself, I do have suicidal thoughts.
I'm 30, I have a couple of grey hairs (a full head of hair thank god). I play the piano like a motherfucker, and I think I'm a pretty awesome guy. I just have this sadness, and fear, and loathing inside me...how the fuck can I make it go away??? I feel good when I exercise, and I'm getting back into a routine.
I am not a religious person, but I need some source of light, something to change my outlook on life. A book, a guru, a drug, SOMETHING?!?!
And then one day you find
Ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run
You missed the starting gun
-Pink Floyd
I walk around in perpetual grayness, and I project this to everyone around me. I look at my eyes in the mirror, and I see no soul, a blank empty person where a vibrance once was.
Professionally, I'm rocking! I'm a doctor, and I'm finally on the cusp of making the big bucks. When most people find out what I do for a living, they are amazed. It's a good feeling. A lot of people spend their life worrying about money, and because of my hard work, (baring any unforeseen monkey-wrench) I most likely will be financially stable for the rest of my life.
Profession aside, every other aspect of my life is fucked up. I walk around with a permanent frown. A sad, lifeless expression. It's hard to smile, it takes effort. If I'm at a bar with my friends, I am constantly being reminded to smile.
I currently have no steady girl in my life. I got laid last night, and I don't even care. It gave me no joy, no pleasure. I was cheated on by my x-fiance. I used to more compassionate towards women.
I have a history of drug abuse (though I haven't touched an illegal drug in YEARS).
I thought perhaps psychiatry and medication would help. I've been seeing a shrink regularly for the past year, and I'm taking Wellburin XL 150mg. It's been an uphill/downhill kind of battle, but lately I feel like I'm getting little out of it. The Wellbutrin makes me paranoid, and somewhat OCD, yet when I tried weening off of it I was even more depressed.
Lately, I don't trust anyone's intentions. My friends, family, NO ONE. I think everyone hates me, everyone talks shit about me. Although I wouldn't actually kill myself, I do have suicidal thoughts.
I'm 30, I have a couple of grey hairs (a full head of hair thank god). I play the piano like a motherfucker, and I think I'm a pretty awesome guy. I just have this sadness, and fear, and loathing inside me...how the fuck can I make it go away??? I feel good when I exercise, and I'm getting back into a routine.
I am not a religious person, but I need some source of light, something to change my outlook on life. A book, a guru, a drug, SOMETHING?!?!
And then one day you find
Ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run
You missed the starting gun
-Pink Floyd