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I don't want to be a slave to my vices any longer...

S

Seanjay

Bluelighter
Joined
May 19, 2008
Messages
180
Location
New York
I haven't used my D.O.C (heroin) in over a month.

I feel better than ever, my grades are improving, and have gained good weight and even some muscle and i'm going to the gym every other day, eating right and beginning to feel enjoyment for simple pleasures in life (increased sex drive, music, reading).

Yet, for some reason, I STILL have this little voice in the back of my head telling me that when I go to NYC this Thursday (for the weekend) that I should cop a bundle. What's wrong? I'm on the path to happiness but I still want heroin...

I know there's a point in ones recovery always where one feels competent in their ability to judge whether or not they will be able to use their doc recreationally and responsibly (becoming chippers), this is the longest I've been off of dope since December of 2009, transferring from a heavy IV cocaine habit.

I'm not so much concerned about the hellish withdrawals that may accompany my use if I should dive off the deep end, but rather the mental/physical stagnation which accompanies regular use and disatisfaction with living.

I've relocated successfully from The Bronx (my hometown) to a college 20 minutes from Canada, so there's substancial distance between me and my usual area, so after copping I doubt I would go the distance every week just to get more, I don't have the funds for that, I don't even have a car.

What I'm trying to say is, do you think it would be okay to use (Just until the bundle runs out) again? I won't be heading to nyc for at least a month after this. I've been opiate free for over a month, I did about five grams of cocaine three weekends ago socially with some friends (I didn't IV). Other than that, I've smoked pot and drank beer every weekend at a few parties.

Thank you.
 
Not really sure what you are looking for here..

What I'm trying to say is, do you think it would be okay to use (Just until the bundle runs out) again?
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You gotta answer that for yourself man, no one here is going to tell you to go out and buy heroin..

If your goal is sobriety buying heroin is counterproductive to that goal..

I have almost 6 months off from my drugs of choice and I still think about getting high almost everyday. This is a struggle..

Getting clean is the easy part -- staying clean is a bitch.

It's easy to justify going out and getting high, and that's exactly what you are doing right now.

Will getting a bundle throw you right back into addiction? Maybe it will maybe it won't..

You really gotta figure out what you want..do you want to be a recreational heroin user (this almost always elevates to more then casual use) or do you want to be sober?

Giving into the cravings only makes them think around longer in my experience.

Best of luck whatever you decide to do..
 
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I'm not debating whether or not I should purchase dope, but rather if it is okay or not to use dope, given my history and circumstances. Probability wise, for the average recreational opiate user, is it okay for me to be an occasional user?
 
Most people with past addiction to opiates can not go back to casual use in my personal experience..

I've seen a couple people do it over the past many years but most people fall back into their own habits..

Being clean for a month isn't the same thing as overcoming addiction..
 
^ actually its very possible to become a chipper after being a heroin addict, thats what happened to me for a while after i stopped using on a regular basis. but youre definitely right about the depression that occurs after using again even once.. its really bad and its totally not worth it. i actually find the mental/emotional toll it takes on you is far worse then any physical symptoms you might experience.

i would recommend you keep going with your sobriety. if you use again, even though you might not physically withdraw, you will definitely regret it, without question.
 
What I'm trying to say is, do you think it would be okay to use (Just until the bundle runs out) again?
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You have had major issues in the past with your DOC. If you go back to using your DOC you are just going to have even more problems, get locked in the endless cycle again, and it will probably be exponentially more difficult, perhaps eventually impossible even, to break that cycle the second time around.

So, in other words: NO!

If you are feeling like you want to use when you go to NYC, do not go to NYC. Simple as that. Do you really think that going back to where you used to cop is going to be a good idea, especially if you are thinking about using again? Stay the hell away from people, places, and things you used to use at or with. Hit up a NA meeting instead if you do not have any other people who do not use to hang out with. Sure, maybe it will be boring or annoying as hell, but it's much better than going out and getting hooked again. You're fooling yourself if you think that you can go back and be fine with something that fucked you up big time in the past.

Also, being opiate free for a month is a nice start, a baby step, it's great, but one month isn't jack really. Even if you've been clean a year you'd still be out of your mind to go back to your old stomping grounds.
 
Seanjay said:
I'm not debating whether or not I should purchase dope, but rather if it is okay or not to use dope, given my history and circumstances. Probability wise, for the average recreational opiate user, is it okay for me to be an occasional user?
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No.
 
.Lucid. said:
^ actually its very possible to become a chipper after being a heroin addict, thats what happened to me for a while after i stopped using on a regular basis
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That may be true for you, but for the overwhelming majority of people that's simply not the case.
 
das_feuer said:
So, in other words: NO!


Also, being opiate free for a month is a nice start, a baby step, it's great, but one month isn't jack really. Even if you've been clean a year you'd still be out of your mind to go back to your old stomping grounds.
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What the feuer said. If you've only been off a month stay the fuck out of NYC, or if you have to go why not take some pills and go clubbing? Do something different with your new life.
 
MONSTA!! said:
That may be true for you, but for the overwhelming majority of people that's simply not the case.
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i didnt realize you spoke for the "overwhelming majority of people." i know i sure dont, thats why i was only speaking for myself.
 
.Lucid. said:
i didnt realize you spoke for the "overwhelming majority of people." i know i sure dont, thats why i was only speaking for myself.
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I think that was clear from what I wrote. Would you disagree with the statement?
 
After you get 3 to 6 months without heroin, it'll seem a lot easier and you won't be thinking of it as much anymore.

I haven't used heroin in about 2 years now and I am very happy with my decision to stay away from it.
 
Insanity (defn): Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

- Albert Einstein.
 
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Your going to do it if you want it. If your already looking forward to it, thinking about it, asking about it, then your prob. gonna do it. i know thats how i am, once i set my mind to it, its already done.

but i really hope you decide against it.
 
Thank you everyone. These posts were exactly what I needed. I was so close to saying yes, even with the thought of how good I'm doing, of the times I've overdosed and woke up in the ER, how it takes over your life, the nightmares, dreams of copping but never getting to shoot up your gear... Ill just enjoy some non-intravenous cocaine...I don't know anymore.... fuck it I'm using... NO T_T
 
I wouldn't if I were you, I don't think I can just casually do opiates, Heroin brings people down faster than alot of drugs depending on circumstance. I'm on enough sub that I'm not even craving it but if I wasn't and I were you I'd probably do exactly what you are talking about... and be completely strung out and broke again within a week.
 
It's like buddy said earlier, you were thinking about it and asking and shit, of course you were gonna do it.

I've been struggling with the same cycle. Quit, run into some pills, attempt to chip, fall back into 24/7 use.
 
I live in Massachusetts because I couldn't get clean in N.Y or N.J.This summer I went to a reunion in N.J. and didn't get high.I was there only for a weekend.

This was the first time I went anywhere near N.Y. without getting high.I used to go back and visit with the best of intentions (see my son,thanksgiving) and every time I would go,I wound up with a needle in my arm.

One thing I learned years ago about my addiction was that yes=yes,maybe=yes,no=iffy.If I am to the point where I am considering getting high,I'm high.

My suggestion is that you don't go.You have already stated "Maybe" and you are only clean one month.Being in N.Y. sounds like it would trigger you as it did me.Also,that is when addicts are most likely to die.Tolerance has gone down and it is extremely easy to use more then you need.

You might go buy that bundle and that voice in your head takes over and you never go back.I know that I have the power of a flea when that voice gets going.
 
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