I don't think this is sustainable anymore

[crazyotter87]

Hey,

I'm just wondering if anyone is in the same boat as I am. I've been incredibly fascinated with psychoactive substances for as long as I can remember. I vividly remember being in DARE class when I was 12, before I had even had a drink or smoked weed, and being skeptical about all the scare stories, propaganda, and misinformation. But anyway, that's beside the point. I'm a functional drug addict. I don't really know how else to put it. I'm only 25 years old and live in the States. I hate my job, but I make way too much money at it. So that means I can buy more drugs. I really don't have any responsibilities, don't hang out with my friends that much anymore (not too many are around me anymore), or do much else for that matter. I pay my rent on time, somehow manage to feed myself, and still save a good chunk of money. Luckily, I live close to my parents, and my mom still loves to feed me. I'm so grateful for that. Funny how you can rot while being a "productive" member of society.

It's just amazing to me how I've been able to keep this up... I've been logging everything I've taken in Excel for 7+ years. I got home from work today, my buddy cancelled on going out to dinner, and I said fuck it and bombed 300mg of 2-MMC. I then redosed 200mg more ~2 hours into it, and I also snorted ~50mg maybe 15 minutes ago. This has been going on for years and years. Not exactly with cathinones. I have tried well over 130+ compounds at this point and have procured a ridiculous stash. One weekend it would be DOM, the next would be, "Oh shit... 3-HO-PCP. I don't really like dissociatives, butttttt I will most likely never see this again, so I must spend too much money on it just to try it and most likely never use it again."

I've had benzo habits in the past. I still have a daily clonazepam RX, it's only 0.5mg. I rarely run out early, and if I do it's 1-2 days before. It's been a while since I've really messed with RC/RX benzos that were not prescribed to me. They would just ruin me. I would take them every day or every other day to function. It'd always be like, "Welp, enough is enough. Time to reap what I sow before I REALLY regret this." I haven't really used them much in the past 6+ months. I tossed well over 500+ pressed bars away. I have some raw powder, a few clonazolam blotters, and like 6mg of etizolam left. I'm too lazy to break the vac seal and scale out the N-ethylnitrazepam or even make a solution since it would just make it too convenient for me to take it. With the clam and tiz, I'd rather just keep it for some sick and twisted reason... I will most likely never see either of them again.

Anyway, my life has been really boring ever since I graduated college and got a job. I was a bit of a late bloomer. College really only clicked for me when it was "too" late. I did very well in it and enjoyed going. I only have a 2-year degree in general chemistry. Well anyway, I am stuck working a job that I dislike. It's boring, I do the same thing every single day. I work with the same 5 people that I don't really like. I never see the outside world, lol. Butttt, I can call in sick, have insane benefits, get paid too much, and have basically unlimited PTO. I guess it could be worse. Thank God for unions and how hard it is to get fired from municipal jobs.

So, I really got into cathinones this year. I've tried them before in the past, but that was when I didn't really have money to order bulk. I've managed to keep it to once a day on the weekend. Usually not redosing more than 3-5 times and keeping it to around 6 hours per session. I always tell myself that redosing will not bring the magic back. It will only drag out some of the less desirable effects, butttttt anyone who has ever used a cathinone will know what I am talking about. I usually just stop once it gets stale, because it does. Music starts to sound like shit. I like going to bed at reasonable times too. Having a semi-normal sleep schedule works wonders on your mental health...

I'm bipolar II, but don't take any mood stabilizers for it. I've managed to get it under control. Ya know, just try not to have a backwards sleep schedule (quite literally impossible with a full-time job), stay semi-busy, and more. Mania is fun for me, but it doesn't really happen often. Sometimes I get REALLY manic, like higher than any other drug, but that's just from large amounts of stress. I was the most manic I have ever been when I put my cat down 4 months ago. Nowadays, it rarely comes, and if it does I am able to recognize it and try to use it to my advantage. I never really crash at all. Especially from drug use... I guess if your normal state already isn't the best to begin with, then it's not such a big deal.

I'm mainly in this for the connection. Oh boy, do I love it. I've always had a hard time expressing myself. I adore MDx and the x-APBs. Cathinones to me are just a watered-down and more stimulating version of them that I can take more often without that much of a consequence (well, besides getting very used to it and having it not be a novelty anymore, lol. Also, just tolerance. One week really isn't enough time to keep the "magic" alive. Fuck, I should not have bought so much 2-MMC.) Luckily, I am halfway through it now and the only other thing I have left is some 4-CMC that I got for free, but it's bleh. 2-MMC is the Goldilocks for me, plus literally feeling 90-95% the day after is a major plus...

Funny, I was never a stimulant user. They'd always give me anxiety. I tend to avoid things that made my anxiety worse. Well, besides using 2.5-5 mg of methamphetamine orally maybe 1-2x a week in college as a replacement for Adderall. That did make studying and doing work a lot of fun. I try to save money, so I really can't even afford "good" stimulants anyway (IPPH, methyhphendiate, 2-FMA, etc). I only have maybe 200mg of 4F-MPH left. That was a decent one, but I don't want to do it since it's extinct... Weird how obscure drugs that aren't around anymore have sentimental value.

Anyway, I know what needs to be done. I need to take a break. I need to take a step back. It sounds pathetic, but I'm in this for the long run. I'd still like to use stuff 20-30+ years later down the line. I don't want to ruin it for myself forever and tell everyone the typical sob story that drugs MUST ruin your life. They've generally been either neutral or good experiences in my life (maybe I am delusional). My best friend and parents knows about this. I really don't tell them about too much of it.

Weird being an isolated drug user who has tried more compounds than a group of 100 people would ever try in their lifetime, let alone know what any of them are, lol. My stash is complete, there's not much I want to buy. I doubt I'll ever see what I want anyway in my lifetime, but stranger things have happened (aMT, relatively cheap 5-MeO-DiPT, barbiturates, etc. Just random shit). I have conquered everything. Nothing has really come out that really grabbed my attention recently either. I don't really want to guinea pig something anyway and potentially have a bad time. I have a lot of time on my hands, but I really don't have the time needed to do that and potentially have a bad time. So, I guess that's good. I have been saving a lot more money ever since I stopped ordering stuff, even just random unnecessary things that I've tried before. I don't know, half the thrill is getting it in the mail, lol.

So anyway, things need to change. I need to start making some changes in my life. I have thought it out. I'm not entirely miserable with myself, but I am angry. I'm angry that I sold myself short. I don't want to wake up in 5+ years working where I am currently at. I would be devastated.

So, right now, I am saving as much as possible. I plan to quit my job in ~8 months, get a job waiting tables, and go back for a 4-year. Man, I just like school. I try to learn at home, but it's painful. I need a professor that I don't want to disappoint. I've tried online college. Imagine teaching yourself Calculus II after getting out of work. It fucking sucked, only to see other people cheat/half-ass it. So you say fuck it, I can't do this. I need human interaction. I sit inside enough, I cannot bring myself to do this. Or you just skip a week and you fall so behind. But yeah, that's the plan.

I need to start exercising again too. I have, I guess, "blue-collar" strength (my job is semi-blue-collar). I'm not in the best shape, but I'm at the perfect body weight right now to get a decent build. Video games aren't even as enjoyable as they used to be. I would always autistically play one game until I could not play it anymore. The game I am playing right now always sounds like a fun time, but I just usually become miserable from it. It's not that deep, but damn, I cannot stand coming home from work to get on and just lose heavily for 2 hours straight because people don't know how to play.

I don't really have friends that live near me. Like good friends that you want to be around. I consider myself to be a very nice person, but some of my so-called "friends" from my small graduating class are just in it for themselves. I let my best friend stay with me for 1+ month, or as long as he needed. He doesn't like his parents, he was finishing up his master's degree, had no job lined up, and would've had nowhere to go since he was an RA in the dorms. Anyway, that was a really fun month when he stayed with me. I didn't make him give me anything in return because I knew he would've done the same for me.

I saw him for the first time in a while a few days ago. He took the bus down from NYC. I picked him up, we got dinner, vibed, went back to my place, bought him some weed, vibed some more. He did what he had to do the next day, we got food again, and I dropped him off. A wave of sadness filled me when I left the bus station. It hit me like a tidal wave.

I have a wonderful relationship with my parents, but damn. I really only have 1 friend who is still in my area who has always been the same since I've known him since the first grade. Staying up all night playing games, doing it again the day after, smoking copious amounts of weed (I quit smoking so long ago), him texting me at 2am knowing I'm still awake, "Yoo, I'm back from college" to come over and watch 3 movies in a row. God, I have taken all of this for granted.

No more cathinones for me for a while. Or really drugs for that matter. It's been carisoprodol (I have like 5 left and I really don't want to spend the money on 180 more) and cathinones. All of this stopped being novel a very long time ago. I swore it would never happen to me. My life is still good, none of this really has an effect on it, but still. I don't see how this is sustainable. I'm honestly not even having that much fun. Like, it's okay, but it's not the best time, but for some reason I kept redosing hoping that it would maybe change it.

Thank you for coming to my 2-MMC-fueled TedTalk... I promise I will turn my life around. It's very hard to change. Change is scary, it really scares me. It always has. It's hard to break habits that you've had for so very long. I know nothing else besides this (maybe that's hyperbole, but I've gotten just so used to it and accepted that it's a part of my life). Funny how things turn out sometimes. I just wanted to get this off my chest. Any feedback would mean the world to me. Or even just share your own experiences. Whoosh, I gotta take my sleeping meds soon and bring a stop to all of this...

It's funny, like I just do the same shit. I message online friends, listen to the same music, pace around my apartment, and well, that's about it. I think a lot on it. I guess it brings me some sort of relief/joy..? Like, it's not even fun anymore. I am accomplishing nothing and just making a bad habit even worse.

I'm done being comfortable enough to stay stuck.

Stay safe everyone. You are loved, and happy Sunday morning.

 

[Electrum1]

If I had to guess, I'd guess this is mostly what is creating your problems

I don't really know how else to put it. I'm only 25 years old and live in the States. I hate my job, but I make way too much money at it. So that means I can buy more drugs. I really don't have any responsibilities, don't hang out with my friends that much anymore (not too many are around me anymore), or do much else for that matter

Start hanging out with your friends again. Find common ground that can be shared/expanded. Do things outside of work that don't involve drugs. Gain more responsibilities by being more social (while not on drugs) with your friends and keep your promises. Find hobbies that are social and non-social, like pool and bowling leagues frisbee golf, or collecting rare stuff like 1950's tether cars or whatever, to expand your friend group, then maintain those social gains by staying in contact, and without resorting to using drugs when you're alone

 

[M!$TER-ED]

I agree with @Electrum1 you said yourself "I need human interaction" That also applies to your social life. There seems to be a lot people your age bored with their life mostly due to lack of human interaction and social awkwardness. You can't play the game unless you are in the game, I blame this on technology, the lack of social interaction has been substituted by the convenience of technology. It is too easy to avoid interaction because technology has replaced it with social intolerance. We loose the ability to pick up on social cues and so I tolerance for social interaction diminishes and suffer from that lack of communication.

 

[chippermonk]

The drugs are a hobby and purpose in life for you, just as much as they are an actual psychoactive pleasure. But it seems to be getting to be a ho-hum same old thing hobby. Continuing to do them really isn't going to make anything better for you, so as others have said, you need ( NEED) better hobbies, better purpose, and good human connection. Look at how you reacted to your weekend with your friend.
Going back to college is perhaps a great idea. Not just because you will learn new things or perhaps get a better job, but because you will hang out around other people your age who are also looking for friendship, purpose, hobbies. Best and easiest time of life to make good connections. It definitely gets harder as you get older, and social isolation can be a habit.
You said something about how fortunate it was that your parents were there to see you got fed. Well, hell, cooking and trying new foods would make a damn good new hobby, and doing it with other people of any age is how to do it. Source some new food ingredients and recipes and unleash your curiosity and creativity. I suggest learning to make a perfect pie. I know we're not supposed to source on BL, but when you get that perfect strawberry -rhubarb pie down, send me a piece!

 

[puke]

Is it the fact that u feel u need drugs to just enjoy regular mundane things in life or drugs have caused u to be a hermit recluse?

 

[kingsfont]

25 years old is a good time to take stock of yourself and ask yourself seriously whether there is anything purposeful you want to accomplish with your life. Obviously, that's just about the most personal of decisions to make, but one I think worth considering, because it can serve you well in the future. It can provide foundation and structure that you will absolutely need in the decades to come, because, at the end of the day, life is still a struggle.

 

[thujone]

i'm older than you but some of what you said still resonates with me today.

i think some of your angst would be solved by looking for a job where you can feel a sense of progression (learning with guidance / pressure) and make friends.

my job right now is like that, most of my current friends i've met through it because there's a lot of us around the same age and with the same interests.

i haven't worked a public sector job but i know a bunch of people that have and it sounds like the most boring, stifling, shitty work culture. i couldn't imagine anyone interesting surviving in that kind of environment for long.

 

[kingsfont]

I get the feeling it's a big ask on the part of an employer to ask me to agree to their employer employee relationship. I'll forego a salary, health, PTO, retirement, etc. and figure out a way to pay for all that myself. So that's mostly what I do, and I do live a comfortable solid middle class life. I have tons of friends though who have careers in the public and private sectors, some of whom are extremely successful and well known professionally, or very affluent, and mostly, they are all very happy. They have personalities and skills that thrive in those environments. I don't. It's not for me and never was, but people have all sorts of different reasons for the why they choose to make their living the way they do. I've been preoccupied with drug and alcohol issues and psychiatric issues since I was 15, so I have nothing to apologize to myself for, as to why I ignored trying to be a professional success. I pretty much stopped doing that a long time ago. I think given the hand I was dealt I think I'm doing just fine.

 

[crazyotter87]

Thank you, everyone, for the kind, non-judgmental, and genuinely helpful replies. I reread my stimulant-fueled post and, jeez, I was really yapping . Welp, anyway, I did it again this weekend. Luckily, I think I only have about 3.5 grams of this stuff left... Going Mach 5 right now.

I’ll try to get back to everyone’s messages tomorrow. I really appreciate all of you taking the time to respond. Thank you again, seriously.

 

[crazyotter87]

If I had to guess, I'd guess this is mostly what is creating your problems



Start hanging out with your friends again. Find common ground that can be shared/expanded. Do things outside of work that don't involve drugs. Gain more responsibilities by being more social (while not on drugs) with your friends and keep your promises. Find hobbies that are social
That's precisely it. I never would have thought it was possible to work a full-time job, pay rent, etc., and still somehow have no real responsibilities outside of that. All while still appearing relatively normal, too. I don't talk about this stuff much with people, especially the people I work with. It's not necessary, and everyone looks at you differently. Plus, you may know how weird it is being this deep in the rabbit hole with all of this.

That's precisely it. I never would have thought it was possible to work a full-time job, pay rent, etc., and still somehow have no real responsibilities outside of that. All while still appearing relatively normal, too. I don't talk about this stuff much with people, especially the people I work with. It's not necessary, and everyone looks at you differently. Plus, you may know how weird it is being this deep in the rabbit hole with all of this.

I got back on a dating app. It fucking sucks, but it's better than nothing. On second thought, maybe a woman won't help right now..? You know, I'm not hopeless or anything about my current situation. We write our own realities. But imagine matching with a lovely lady, talking and all that, only for me to call her one night talking at 3x speed.

“Hey, X, I just wanted to say I love you and I wanted to talk to you. Do you like drum and bass!? Can you hear my drum and bass in the background? Tell me if it's too loud. Wait, am I talking too fast?”

It might help, but I don't want to do that to someone.

I also hung out with my friend once this week. Not that it really matters since I probably wouldn't do anything on a weekday anyway, but it was still nice to have some social interaction, lol. Today is my Friday, so I texted my buddy after work, but he said he was busy tonight. Sooooooo, I said fuck it, I'm gonna be a degenerate.

I've been getting into comic books, and I also renewed my Y membership. I'm waiting for my jammers to arrive because I fucking couldn't find my old ones at my parents' house. I think getting back into swimming will help. I used to love swimming laps until I couldn't feel my body anymore. Then, you know, I got too comfortable being comfortable.

I don't really get fucked up with friends. It's more of an alone thing. I don't have many friends who I do drugs with in the first place. I've really only smoked weed with my friends back in high school, and I did some cocaine with one of my buddies maybe a year ago. I also did 2C-B/E, LSD, and a few other things with this one guy I met. But he was a crashout and honestly worried the hell out of me, so I stopped doing drugs with him.

Anyway, as I was saying, I do participate in activities with my friends sober. I just have to find other ways to occupy my time when I'm alone. I don't know. There's something else about using drugs alone that I can't quite put my finger on.

Thanks for the advice, bro. It really means the world to me that someone out there actually cares about my problems.

 

[tryptakid]

If I had to guess, I'd guess this is mostly what is creating your problems



Start hanging out with your friends again. Find common ground that can be shared/expanded. Do things outside of work that don't involve drugs. Gain more responsibilities by being more social (while not on drugs) with your friends and keep your promises. Find hobbies that are social and non-social, like pool and bowling leagues frisbee golf, or collecting rare stuff like 1950's tether cars or whatever, to expand your friend group, then maintain those social gains by staying in contact, and without resorting to using drugs when you're alone

This is good advice - especially finding hobbies and trying to meet new people. Human connection is protective, especially when it comes to drugs/addiction. Having more people means more options to chose from that might not involve drugs. If you make friends with people who also enjoy substances, it gives you people to share the experience with which helps to reduce solo-binges.

Thank you, everyone, for the kind, non-judgmental, and genuinely helpful replies. I reread my stimulant-fueled post and, jeez, I was really yapping . Welp, anyway, I did it again this weekend. Luckily, I think I only have about 3.5 grams of this stuff left... Going Mach 5 right now.

I’ll try to get back to everyone’s messages tomorrow. I really appreciate all of you taking the time to respond. Thank you again, seriously.

In my experience, I'm more likely to do drugs like psychedelics along with friends, while dissos are more on my own. I've never been a big 2/3/4-mmc fan, but they strike me as the kind of things that can easily lead to compulsive-solo use that can be unfulfilling.

Having regular social activities to immerse yourself in and build a routine around is the best thing you can do, and it makes it more likely that you might meet a possible romantic partner organically which I have always found preferable than meeting people through the apps. Having balance in your life before dating is a good idea - looking for a partner to pull yourself out of a bad place is putting a lot of pressure on that relationship in a way that can cause things to go south quickly. Also having more friendships helps to put less pressure on your dating life.

 

[crazyotter87]

i'm older than you but some of what you said still resonates with me today.

i think some of your angst would be solved by looking for a job where you can feel a sense of progression (learning with guidance / pressure) and make friends.

my job right now is like that, most of my current friends i've met through it because there's a lot of us around the same age and with the same interests.

i haven't worked a public sector job but i know a bunch of people that have and it sounds like the most boring, stifling, shitty work culture. i couldn't imagine anyone interesting surviving in that kind of environment for long.

Yeah man, someone else usually has said it better, so I will let this quote from Johann Hari do most of the heavy lifting: “The opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it is connection.”

That’s exactly what you and I need. My plan from my original post might not work out. I could be happy working elsewhere, but there is only one way to find out. If that fails, I have this job to fall back on... $32 an hour to at least go to work, leave, and not think about it isn’t the worst. The hardest thing about my life right now is figuring out what I’m having for lunch the next day. Also, the hardest part about my job is showing up, xD. It isn’t the worst gig. This is such a first-world problem...

I hope you find happiness where you work. Work isn’t life, but we are there for ~40 hours a week, so it’s a big part of our lives. At least I can read a book on the clock, browse here, play Balatro, chess, etc. Maybe I am putting too much thought into where I work being shitty when it’s really just what I do when I get home.

It’s so boring, but the benefits are impeccable. I can bang in when I want, take time off when I want, leave an hour or two early, etc. I feel like in the private sector they would be like, “Sure, go for it.” Then after a few times they would say, “Sure, go for it, but don’t come back.”

I digress. I very much look forward to quitting, going back to school, and probably getting a job waiting tables to survive. I don’t want to wait until it’s too late, nor do I want to wake up with even more regret five years from now.

This is a complete tangent, but I need to hold a Class B CDL for where I work. DOT piss testing is such a joke. It’s a 5-panel where they only run confirmatory testing and not exploratory testing. I had a random UA a few months ago. Anyway, I took some 3-HO-PCP a few days before, and there’s no shot in hell that I didn’t pop for PCP on the initial IA. Butttttt, once they ran it through GC-MS/LC-MS and didn’t find any PCP metabolites present, nothing happened. Not even a phone call asking, “What’s up?”

Damn government is stuck behind bureaucratic yellow tape and can only see through horse blinders. Not that I’m necessarily for urine tests in the first place. I think they’re an invasion of privacy. Still, if they actually ran exploratory testing, I’d have to take time off to do stuff...

Have a good night and stay safe, buddy. I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors. Adulthood is a long, strange trip...

 

[thujone]

yeah, I quit my really shitty job to go back to school when i had just turned 30 and it ended up being the choice that lead to my current job but man... it was really hard getting back into the job market and it wasn't even as fucked then as it is now

it just gets harder with time so if you think this is something you really need then there's no sense waiting

 

[crazyotter87]

This is good advice - especially finding hobbies and trying to meet new people. Human connection is protective, especially when it comes to drugs/addiction. Having more people means more options to chose from that might not involve drugs. If you make friends with people who also enjoy substances, it gives you people to share the experience with which helps to reduce solo-binges.




In my experience, I'm more likely to do drugs like psychedelics along with friends, while dissos are more on my own. I've never been a big 2/3/4-mmc fan, but they strike me as the kind of things that can easily lead to compulsive-solo use that can be unfulfilling.

Having regular social activities to immerse yourself in and build a routine around is the best thing you can do, and it makes it more likely that you might meet a possible romantic partner organically which I have always found preferable than meeting people through the apps. Having balance in your life before dating is a good idea - looking for a partner to pull yourself out of a bad place is putting a lot of pressure on that relationship in a way that can cause things to go south quickly. Also having more friendships helps to put less pressure on your dating life.

Well said, brother. I really appreciate the thoughtful advice. I promise both you and myself that I will work on this. It doesn't matter how difficult it feels.

I enjoy psychedelics with friends, but the problem is that I don't really have anyone to do them with. I've literally rolled 20+ times alone, besides at a Phish concert, and that was a fucking blast. The guy next to me was very kind. Dissos are 100% an alone type of drug for me. I've never quite understood how ketamine is a party drug (well, maybe at low doses). I just want to get lost in my thoughts on my couch and not be able to move. Same goes for the PCP analogs. I'd rather not hang out with someone and do, I don't know, 3-HO-PCE with a friend who isn't experienced and potentially watch them have a bad time.

Cathinones are like diet-MDMA to me, except way speedier and more abusable. But I like the empathy, music enhancement, and inability to stop talking. Oddly enough, they are beyond anxiolytic and actually enjoyable for me compared to other stimulants. I hate stimulants like cocaine, (meth)amphetamine, etc. You're right, cathinones are incredibly compulsive. I always believed that I had a lot more self-control than your average user, but man, with these (and nitrous), it's hard to stop. I usually have a hard time not redosing a true SRA like MDMA, but with these, fuck, it's beyond difficult to stop. Plus, compared to MDx, I feel 100x better the day(s) after than I would if I were to redose 4x on MDMA. The longest a session has ever lasted was maybe 10 hours, with ~800mg consumed. Although, it does start to become a lot less enjoyable after the second redose and gets boring in a sense, so I'm not going on a bender for 24+ hours.

Again, this is precisely what I need to do. This is not sustainable at the rate I'm going, nor is it nearly as fulfilling as it used to be. It has consumed a large portion of my life. This is wonderful advice.

In my experience, I fall for girls too quickly. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but there needs to be some balance. Yeah, man, things could go south very quickly. I'm still going to see if the app goes anywhere, but I definitely need to get my shit somewhat straightened out before I start dating.

I've always struggled to make friends. I went to a small private school and had a graduating class of ~65. I really only talk to three people from there now, plus one person I went to elementary school with. It's hard to find true and genuine friends that you actually want to be around. I wouldn't even know where to start. I'm relatable and know a little about a lot of things, but I don't know where or how to meet people. It's even worse when your current friends all know the same people.

 

[crazyotter87]

yeah, I quit my really shitty job to go back to school when i had just turned 30 and it ended up being the choice that lead to my current job but man... it was really hard getting back into the job market and it wasn't even as fucked then as it is now

it just gets harder with time so if you think this is something you really need then there's no sense waiting

Did you work full-time while taking a few college classes? I'm glad you did that. Like you said, it only gets harder with time, so I figure there’s no point in waiting if this is something I really want to do.

My plan is to go back in the spring of ’27. The job market is fucked right now. A lot of people are underpaid and overworked while being overqualified. I also feel like most jobs don’t really require degrees. Idk, though, maybe that’s just me.

My buddy who I mentioned in my original post has the craziest CV/resume you’ll ever see. He literally had to apply to 50+ different jobs before he finally found one after graduating!

 

[thujone]

Did you work full-time while taking a few college classes? I'm glad you did that. Like you said, it only gets harder with time, so I figure there’s no point in waiting if this is something I really want to do.

no, it was a dead-end job so i just went full-time. i had saved up a lot of cash and got to benefit from subsidized rent by living in the dorms.

tbh it would be harder for me to do the same thing today, because of the amount of inflation since the lockdowns. now a part-time job wouldn't even cover the subsidized rent

My plan is to go back in the spring of ’27. The job market is fucked right now. A lot of people are underpaid and overworked while being overqualified. I also feel like most jobs don’t really require degrees. Idk, though, maybe that’s just me.

most jobs don't really need degrees, but corporate america is gatekept by HR and they default to hiring ppl that look good on paper, and credentials look good on paper.

 

[crazyotter87]

I agree with @Electrum1 you said yourself "I need human interaction" That also applies to your social life. There seems to be a lot people your age bored with their life mostly due to lack of human interaction and social awkwardness. You can't play the game unless you are in the game, I blame this on technology, the lack of social interaction has been substituted by the convenience of technology. It is too easy to avoid interaction because technology has replaced it with social intolerance. We loose the ability to pick up on social cues and so I tolerance for social interaction diminishes and suffer from that lack of communication.

Thanks for the reply, man! Once again, I am back at it... I took 150mg of 4-CMC and barely felt anything. That's what I get for doing really questionable cathinones, but then again, they run through kilos of this stuff weekly in Europe. Hopefully, it's not too harmful. I got a bit mad, so I parachuted 150mg of 2-MMC. I'm so fucking over this.

I was at work today going back and forth. "Hmm, fuck it, I'll do it." Then I'd change my mind, only to start talking myself into it again. I was creating my own excuses to do it as well, which I've never really noticed myself doing until now. Anyway, I got out of work, went straight home, did some chores, played with and fed my cats, chugged two protein shakes, and did this.

I'm not even that depressed. I would be lying if I said I wasn't, but I'm mainly very bored and very complacent. I'm just unfulfilled with my current life. I went on a bike ride twice this week, but here I am again doing this shit. I hadn't gone on a bike ride in, jeez, I can't even remember how long before that. I need to find something that I'm passionate about. I need something to fill the void I've had in my weekends and, honestly, in my life in general for years. It's just a matter of finding what that thing is. Fuck it, I'm going to the Y tomorrow or Monday.

Video games are a nice escape for me. I haven't had much time to play recently because I adopted a kitten about two months ago. I try to play with him and his older sister to tire him out, but he's always cracked up until I'm ready to go to bed, like clockwork. Buddy lies on my mousepad, walks across my keyboard, etc., which makes it impossible for me to play.

I've always struggled to make new friends. I can't just go to a social event or something and start talking to a random person, nor do I really want to. Maybe gaming way too much is partly to blame for that. I also went to a small private school for eight years. I had a graduating class of around 60, and I knew everyone way too well. We all did. After high school, I really only kept in contact with two or three people. You could call them my true friends, I suppose. The others were what I would call weed friends, meaning friends you only ever smoked weed with xD, or people you would really only hang out with in a group.

Technology is just too convenient. Sometimes at work, the four other guys I work with and I will sit in the lunchroom, all just staring at our phones in brief silence. I know none of us are doing anything important. I don't even know why I'm pointlessly scrolling through my phone. It's the same thing with friends, family, etc.

Having access to it at our fingertips is both a blessing and a curse. We have an infinite amount of knowledge at our fingertips and the ability to communicate with anyone, anytime, anywhere in the world. But then there's doomscrolling, or just the fact that we stop interacting with the people around us.

Take dating apps, for example. I wonder how common it is now for men to approach women in public when the situation is appropriate. I've never done it.

Anyway, I'll shut up now. I don't even know what I'm going on about. Stimulant-fueled yap is something else. Much love to you, I'm from Upstate as well.

 

[thujone]

I've always struggled to make new friends. I can't just go to a social event or something and start talking to a random person, nor do I really want to. Maybe gaming way too much is partly to blame for that. I also went to a small private school for eight years. I had a graduating class of around 60, and I knew everyone way too well. We all did. After high school, I really only kept in contact with two or three people. You could call them my true friends, I suppose. The others were what I would call weed friends, meaning friends you only ever smoked weed with xD, or people you would really only hang out with in a group.

Technology is just too convenient. Sometimes at work, the four other guys I work with and I will sit in the lunchroom, all just staring at our phones in brief silence. I know none of us are doing anything important. I don't even know why I'm pointlessly scrolling through my phone. It's the same thing with friends, family, etc.

that's why i say you need to find a better job, that's the easiest ways to make friends as an adult.

time together is how we always made friends - you were together with your peers 40 hours a week in school, and you picked your friends from the ones you vibed with best. right?

if you spend 40 hours a week at work then you ideally want to be with your peers and replicate that school environment as much as possible.