I dont really know.

[Sleeping_Door_Mouse]

Trapped in heaven i guess,
or so it would seem.
Everyone around me says how well we have it,
here in suburbia, Americas back yard.
Few real financial problems.
Never a worry about food.
No war, or death, or mass murder.
And yet this dosnt seem true.
How could heaven be so dark?
The pain of everyday existance is almost too much.
The one i love,
already taken.
The taker,
a friend i cannot hate.
School life is gossip and lies,
nothing but children bickering.
Coming home to a father that will not think,
just yells and orders and decides.
As if it werent bad enough,
ive been driven into a dark embrace.
The Lady of the Land herself,
a white Hand reaching for my soul.
"Smackhead", "H-Fiend", "Heroin Addict",
all a fine description.
And yet,
I dont care.
There is death in our little heaven,
self inflicted ends.
What do i have to stay for?
To grow to my to the entent of my potential?
What a joy,
40 years old, no family, hateful job.
Go to college?
Again, what happiness,
i get to drink myself into nothingness for the price of a small house.
Get married? Have kids?
Whats the point?
I cant love,
ive never known it.
To breed would be to add to this world,
to qite possibly send another soul on down this road to hell.
I honestly wonder what the point is anymore.
I miss my youth,
no worries of this type.
No 'why am i heres?'.
No 'whats the points?'.
Just happiness,
pure and unadulterated.
I was happy.
I havent known that in years.
Sometimes i wonder if i ever will again.
Maybe we should all just stay young.
What a dream that could be.
Just felt like letting that loose.

 

[E-girl]

this was fabulous...
i've been there before.
everyone looks at your life and assumes its all peachy, but what they dont see is how you cry yourself to sleep at night, how your heart crumbles with the missing of what you once had, how your bills continue to pile up in this array of things that you just cant seem to pay, and you're in this emotional rut, but by putting on your plastic smile everyday, no one notices all that...
yes, i've been there.
i think i AM there.
i have people like that now, that look at me and all they can do is be inspired, but me - i feel helpless to this world, more often than not, and i think all these things that you think, and it seems like nothing is right -- everything is just spiralling out of control.
thank you, for this.

 

[Night ROLLER]

i totally can realate
I was and alwas will be the spoiled kid who has almost everything and has no worries.....
all i will say ... NOT TRUE ....pain overwhelmes me.....
[ 07 November 2002: Message edited by: Night ROLLER ]