I've been trying so hard. going to this hospital five days a week, 8 to 4, and I was really hoping I'd feel better by now. but all I feel is empty inside, like I'll never be the person I was before drugs. it's not that I want to necessarily be that person, but I want to feel something like I used to. there's no beauty in anything and there's no love anywhere. I can't even feel pain like I use to... I just don't want anything. I tired to express to my doctors how I feel, but I guess it isn't really serious because they haven't done anything and are saying I can leave by Tuesday. maybe I just think too much of myself. I don't know. I don't think I'm thinking properly. I don't think I ever will again. and I don't even give a shit. I almost wish I did, but there's some sort of relief that comes with the forgetfulness. I don't know, I don't know. I want to feel human again.