lolitaofott
Bluelighter
I am addicted to opiates.
I have been using for 6 months and only for the past two months have I been using regularly. I do not drink nor do I smoke weed or cigarettes. I am simply obsessed with opiates. I have been chewing the pills, realizing that intra-nasal usage has a lower BA.
As you can see, I haven't been using for long, but I am so desperate to get better. I can't stop cold turkey, I have tried over 4 times now in the past two months and I can never get past day three (with clonidine).
I am (was) a straight A university student. I received two Bs, and one -A on my midterms. This is really unlike me and I know that my grades will lower as I go on obsessing about using. I can only think about using and even when I'm high, I think about how I could be even more intoxicated.
I had to drop a class (three classes, as I mentioned above). I'm now a part-time student, giving me more time to work. I now have more money to buy drugs... how convenient...
I am high from morning until night.
I don't know how to break the cycle. I decided to do something that I TRULY need YOUR advice on. I am one week and a half from starting the METHADONE treatment. Remember that I have only been using regularly for two months. I am planning on taking methadone for a month until I am ready to taper my dose (is this even possible?). My doctor advised me that careful tapering results in no withdrawal symptoms (true or false?).
My therapist said that even though my physical addiction is not as "bad" as an opiate addict's who has been using for several years, he is pushing me to get treatment so that I can kill the demon before it becomes to powerful to control.
I had a dream last night that I started methadone and gained 15 pounds (I need to stay thin for my job), broke out in boils and was not able to get off for another 10 yrs.
I need somebody's advice, because my psychiatrist is not specialized in addiction. I am going to see a counselor at the methadone treatment center, but this is only if I DECIDE to receive the treatment.
My boyfriend says that I am not addicted enough to start methadone (there are no subuxone (sp?) treatment centers where I reside). He says that my withdrawal symptoms are not serious enough (I should suck it up). However, I am already depressed/anxious as it is and when I'm trying to get clean, my mental issues worsen tenfold! I feel like I am going to feel sick FOREVER and that I will be tired for the rest of my life.
I am so sorry for this long post, but I am desperate, guilty and so disappointed in myself. I cry often, thinking how I've ruined my life and how I will never succeed in school. I have dreams of going to graduate school (in a university that I have been dreaming about since I was very young), but I'm already fucking up my grades and dropping classes.
I'm not looking for pity... just somebody who can reveal to me the bitter truth.
I also apologize if I seem like a whiny baby who can't handle his/her shit. In reality, I can't handle my shit and I am definitely predisposed to overreacting... I am working on that... it's definitely a part of the problem.
I have been using for 6 months and only for the past two months have I been using regularly. I do not drink nor do I smoke weed or cigarettes. I am simply obsessed with opiates. I have been chewing the pills, realizing that intra-nasal usage has a lower BA.
As you can see, I haven't been using for long, but I am so desperate to get better. I can't stop cold turkey, I have tried over 4 times now in the past two months and I can never get past day three (with clonidine).
I am (was) a straight A university student. I received two Bs, and one -A on my midterms. This is really unlike me and I know that my grades will lower as I go on obsessing about using. I can only think about using and even when I'm high, I think about how I could be even more intoxicated.
I had to drop a class (three classes, as I mentioned above). I'm now a part-time student, giving me more time to work. I now have more money to buy drugs... how convenient...
I am high from morning until night.
I don't know how to break the cycle. I decided to do something that I TRULY need YOUR advice on. I am one week and a half from starting the METHADONE treatment. Remember that I have only been using regularly for two months. I am planning on taking methadone for a month until I am ready to taper my dose (is this even possible?). My doctor advised me that careful tapering results in no withdrawal symptoms (true or false?).
My therapist said that even though my physical addiction is not as "bad" as an opiate addict's who has been using for several years, he is pushing me to get treatment so that I can kill the demon before it becomes to powerful to control.
I had a dream last night that I started methadone and gained 15 pounds (I need to stay thin for my job), broke out in boils and was not able to get off for another 10 yrs.
I need somebody's advice, because my psychiatrist is not specialized in addiction. I am going to see a counselor at the methadone treatment center, but this is only if I DECIDE to receive the treatment.
My boyfriend says that I am not addicted enough to start methadone (there are no subuxone (sp?) treatment centers where I reside). He says that my withdrawal symptoms are not serious enough (I should suck it up). However, I am already depressed/anxious as it is and when I'm trying to get clean, my mental issues worsen tenfold! I feel like I am going to feel sick FOREVER and that I will be tired for the rest of my life.
I am so sorry for this long post, but I am desperate, guilty and so disappointed in myself. I cry often, thinking how I've ruined my life and how I will never succeed in school. I have dreams of going to graduate school (in a university that I have been dreaming about since I was very young), but I'm already fucking up my grades and dropping classes.
I'm not looking for pity... just somebody who can reveal to me the bitter truth.
I also apologize if I seem like a whiny baby who can't handle his/her shit. In reality, I can't handle my shit and I am definitely predisposed to overreacting... I am working on that... it's definitely a part of the problem.