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I contracted gonorrohea. Girlfriend cheated?

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pirate24

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 21, 2009
Messages
90
OK, so I've been with my girlfriend since September of 2011. She's the only girl I've been with. Just now I contracted gonorrohea. She told me her last sexual partner was her ex a few years ago.

My doctor told me that people can act as a carrier for it for years without knowing and be completely asymptomatic. So she could have caught it from her ex. But as someone pointed out to me, why did I only catch it now 6 months into the relationship? However, we only have sex once a week (usually without a condom). I asked my doctor if this meant she was cheating on me. He said I shouldn't jump to any conclusions and explained about how some girls can carry it without showing symptoms. What do you guys think?

Also, she gets regular pap smears and had a urinalysis. My doctor said that pap smears don't always detect it. He hasn't got back to me about the urinalysis. i really want to give her the benefit of the doubt here.

EDIT: I don't know if this is relevant but she has heart problems and often has a fever. Maybe these are symptoms?

UPDATE: she tested negative. Also, I found out the 'blood in my semen' was probably the result of a torn frenulum.
 
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Yes, in many females, the disease is asymptomatic and may remain so for a prolonged period. Why did you only contract it now? Well, it is not the case that each challenge with a pathogen leads to infection. Many times, you can be in contact with the pathogen and no infection results. So it likely was just 'the odds'. A pap smear will not show the infection. Urinalysis is a very broad term! However, to the best of my awareness, there is no simple urinalysis which is considered reliable to screen for gonorrhea. Diagnosis is confirmed by either a microbio culture or by PCR amplification from suitable swabs. But for your main query, yes, she could have had a sub-clinical infection for a long time and this is hardly definitive of her cheating.

It is important both of you get proper treatment for the infection, sounds like you have, but see to it she also does.
 
eukaryote said:
Yes, in many females, the disease is asymptomatic and may remain so for a prolonged period. Why did you only contract it now? Well, it is not the case that each challenge with a pathogen leads to infection. Many times, you can be in contact with the pathogen and no infection results. So it likely was just 'the odds'. A pap smear will not show the infection. Urinalysis is a very broad term! However, to the best of my awareness, there is no simple urinalysis which is considered reliable to screen for gonorrhea. Diagnosis is confirmed by either a microbio culture or by PCR amplification from suitable swabs. But for your main query, yes, she could have had a sub-clinical infection for a long time and this is hardly definitive of her cheating.

It is important both of you get proper treatment for the infection, sounds like you have, but see to it she also does.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the quick reply. You've put my mind at ease.
 
Now my girlfriend thinks I cheated on her. She didn't say so explicitly but she was like 'we'll see what the doctor says tomorrow about what really happened.' I'm sure the doctor will clear things up though. At least I hope so.
 
So, it seems you both do not trust each another? That is never a good thing.

:)
 
Noodle said:
So, it seems you both do not trust each another? That is never a good thing.

:)
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I trust her. It's just I don't know a lot about stds. I thought the only way we could infect each other at this point was if one of us had been cheating. Apparently, she feels the same way. I'm convinced by her reaction now that she didn't cheat on me. I don't wanna lose this girl over something I didn't do. Fuck this shit!
 
I may be cynical but if it was me and i knew for sure i hadn't cheated i wouldn't believe they hadn't. Not if it took me 6 months into the relationship to get it. Your doctor may be doing you a kindness in helping you believe she didn't but that doesn't make it a fact.
 
I found myself in the same sort of situation once when my girlfriend went for her annual pap smear or whatever and came up with, what's it called, abnormal cells or some shit... anyway, the doctor told us that it was caused by HPV, which was news to us!

I mean... who had the HPV first? Who acquired it? How? Why was it turning up now?

I think in the end it turned out not to be caused by HPV? But who the fuck knows? We broke up a long time after and for unrelated reasons, but I still don't know... was she two-timing me? I gave her the benefit of the doubt, and it doesn't matter to me now one way or the other, really.
 
No, but remember kid's, proving a negative (to prove she did not) is a logical fallacy and its generally considered good forum, that when accusing someone of something, that you set the bar for evidence high (beyond a reasonable doubt sound familiar?) and that the accused person should be treated as innocent until proven guilty. (Ring a bell?)

The nature of that STI gives rise to reasonable doubt that she cheated. Further, and related to that, it does not prove she cheated, as it could of reasonably been an infection which was sub-clinical for an extended period. Hence, one should abstain for considering the person guilty.
 
Touchy subject. But also, think of it this way. Which hole is bigger? Your penis hole, or her vagina hole? Six months ago, she was with her ex, they banged, after he banged a hooker two nights before. He got unlucky, got the disease. Gave it to your girl when he inserted his penis into her.(Its possible, shes with you now, not him.) Now here you come. Herp derp, probably about 2 weeks before first sex, unless you twos relationship started off with sex. Some do, nothing wrong with that. Once a week for five and a half months you stick it in. 20 times appx. You say sometimes you used a condom. Lets cut that number down to 15 times you had sex with no condom, Symptoms come within a week, so 14 times, approx. "Men have a 20% risk of getting the infection from a single act of vaginal intercourse with an infected woman" from Howard Brown Health Center: STI Annual Report, 2009.

So whats whats 20 percent of 14? around 2.8

2.8 times out of 14(which was originally out of 20) you would have contracted it. It sounds to me you played russian roulette, and didnt get the bullet every time, untill last week.

Those are just some ways of putting it into persepctive for you. Its easier for the disease to go inside the vagina, then it is for it to climb inside the tiny penis opening.



This does not mean she didnt cheat, or that she did cheat, its a way to ease your mind, and hers a bit.



EDIT: Just saying, these are not set in stone numbers, and dont take what I wrote as the holy grail of STD answers, these are just some loose probabilities.
 
Lunchboxor said:
Touchy subject. But also, think of it this way. Which hole is bigger? Your penis hole, or her vagina hole? Six months ago, she was with her ex, they banged, after he banged a hooker two nights before. He got unlucky, got the disease. Gave it to your girl when he inserted his penis into her.(Its possible, shes with you now, not him.) Now here you come. Herp derp, probably about 2 weeks before first sex, unless you twos relationship started off with sex. Some do, nothing wrong with that. Once a week for five and a half months you stick it in. 20 times appx. You say sometimes you used a condom. Lets cut that number down to 15 times you had sex with no condom, Symptoms come within a week, so 14 times, approx. "Men have a 20% risk of getting the infection from a single act of vaginal intercourse with an infected woman" from Howard Brown Health Center: STI Annual Report, 2009.

So whats whats 20 percent of 14? around 2.8

2.8 times out of 14(which was originally out of 20) you would have contracted it. It sounds to me you played russian roulette, and didnt get the bullet every time, untill last week.

Those are just some ways of putting it into persepctive for you. Its easier for the disease to go inside the vagina, then it is for it to climb inside the tiny penis opening.



This does not mean she didnt cheat, or that she did cheat, its a way to ease your mind, and hers a bit.



EDIT: Just saying, these are not set in stone numbers, and dont take what I wrote as the holy grail of STD answers, these are just some loose probabilities.
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Well, I was out of the country for 2 months due to school so we've only really been together physically for 3 months fwiw. Also, she wasn't with her ex a few months ago, she hasn't been with anyone for 2 years she says.
 
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B1tO'RoughJack said:
if your girlfriend thinks YOU cheated on her from this then she probably did...it's called projecting.
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Well, my first thought was that she cheated on me when I heard that I contracted gonorrohea, until I asked my doctor whether this means she cheated on me. I also asked her afterward if she'd slept with anyone else besides me since we've been together. So I kind of understand her suspicion.
 
I dont wanna be the asshole here, but you just said you were out of the country for 2 months....
Homeboy i promise you if her ex is still into her at all he was trying to bang that from every angle while you were away.
I'd still be suspicious tbh
 
three months = 12 weeks = 12 intercourses

If symptoms at week 12 then contamination at week 11th, and no contamination from week 1 to 10.

Assuming 20% of chance per intercourse, what is the chance that no contamination happened during 10 weeks ?

P = (0.8^10) = 4.4 %

Neuro
 
Lunchboxor said:
So whats whats 20 percent of 14? around 2.8

2.8 times out of 14(which was originally out of 20) you would have contracted it. It sounds to me you played russian roulette, and didnt get the bullet every time, untill last week.
Click to expand...

That's not how probability works. If we wanna know the odds of him not catching it after 14 times, assuming a 20% chance to catch each time then it.s .8 to the 14th which comes out to like 4%.

More likely than not she cheated. You can give her a pass if you want, but don't be surprised if she lands your ass back in the clinic waiting room.
 
I want to be a 100% sure before I accuse her of anything. This situation really, really sucks. I'm gonna give her the benefit of the doubt for now. Judging by her character I really don't think she's capable of this. And I'm not usually a trusting person.

For one thing, she seemed really adamant that I must have given it to her and that it was impossible for me to get it from her.

We're always texting each other when we're not together. Also, she was cheated on in her past relationship and we both share the opinion that it's unforgivable thing to do.

Maybe we should both go to a lie detector? I managed to convince her that I didn't cheat. I'm gonna see her tomorrow.
 
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What are the chances of a false positive? It was a swab test. Fwiw, when I told my doctor the symptoms (blood in semen, yellowish discharge, burns when I pee) he immediately thought it was gonorrhea.
 
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Depends on the nature of the test... immunoassay? Culture/microscopy? PCR?

Immunoassay...which is usually quick, like a swab that he tested right there or a piss test, has some chance of false + test. A culture or PCR is quite low.

Empirical diagnosis...i.e. your signs and symptoms of burning/blood/discharge, has lots of risk of a wrong/not specific (most bacterial infections of the urinary tract produce the same signs and symptoms)
 
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