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I can't take it anymore

Phew, glad thats done and over with eh.

What would the state sharing the traffic violation mean for you in Florida?
 
^^^ Can they suspend your driving license in your home state if they find out?
 
TOC and Mr. Root, apparently they can although I would be able to apply for a hardship license. I would also have to be on probation, and I don't know what the implications would be. I assume they would be ethyl glucuronide testing for alcohol which can detect metabolites of alcohol long after the alcohol itself has been metabolized (and I can kiss my religious use of hand sanitizer goodbye; it can cause a false positive) and I don't know if they would keep me from taking my prescribed benzodiazepines for panic attacks. That would be shitty beyond words.

10, I appreciate your support beyond words <3
 
aihfl, I don't know what the rules are now but when I got my 3rd DUI in 1986 the deal my attorney made was no jail time but I did lose my license for 10 years. Then although no one forced me to, I quit my great engineering job at NAS Jax because my pride was hurt so bad. That's how concerned I used to be about what people thought of me. It seems so naive 30+ year later. The job was offered back a year later in what has to be something akin to divine intervention. I was chomping at the bit for a hardship reinstatement in 1988 when I was eligible. It probably saved my life. I did almost everything I used to do like driving down to St. Petersburg to visit and help my widowed, elderly mother. I only got stopped a few times over those 8 years and the cops never charged me with violating the restrictions of the hardship license. I did have to visit the national safety council every month and submit to drug tests and pay them but somehow I got thru it and you will too. But I wouldn't want to see you have to give up your benzo script though as it sounds justified to me. I made the mistake of telling the NSC person I occasionally took benadryl when I couldn't sleep and she completely freaked out. I know the rules are a lot different now but just wanted you to know I think everybody that knows you here is pulling for you.
 
aihfl said:
TOC and Mr. Root, apparently they can although I would be able to apply for a hardship license. I would also have to be on probation, and I don't know what the implications would be. I assume they would be ethyl glucuronide testing for alcohol which can detect metabolites of alcohol long after the alcohol itself has been metabolized (and I can kiss my religious use of hand sanitizer goodbye; it can cause a false positive) and I don't know if they would keep me from taking my prescribed benzodiazepines for panic attacks. That would be shitty beyond words.

10, I appreciate your support beyond words

I have no idea why BL isn't letting my response go through...

Anyway I was saying that in my state, you cannot fail a drug test for taking your prescribed medications on probation, as long as you p.o. knows from the start. I wouldn't worry about losing your benzos. Best of luck man, I've had 2 dui's so I understand.
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I have been extremely sick this week. Unbeknownst to me, my mother's significant other was sick when I was at her house last week and I probably got his bug which is not surprising since he spits when he talks (which drives me, a germaphobe, nuts). I've had an awful sore throat and congestion and I've been coughing up green stuff. I broke down yesterday and went to the walk in clinic but the doctor said since I haven't had a fever it's probably a virus so he didn't prescribe me any antibiotics, only a prescription cough med. And the OTC throat lozenges I bought are useless. They make my mouth numb but don't do jack squat for the sore throat pain. At least it's the first time I've been sick in a long long time. I really just want to lay on my couch and watch cable news or maybe a movie on Amazon Prime but I have to get out and pay my homeowners insurance and make a Costco run. I've procrastinated enough. Time to get going. Hope everyone is having a better day than me.
 
Thank you CJ. That prescription cough med seems to be pretty useless. I tried to nap just now but am in that weird place where I feel tired but can't fall asleep. Just as well, the dog needed to go outside. Never did make it to Costco because once I got there, I realized my membership card was at home on my nightstand. I sure hope I get over this bug quick because it sucks being sick.
 
Just got back from my second appointment with the psychologist my psychiatrist referred me to. It's nice working with someone who feels like a "real" doctor. Dealing with too many lightweight therapists over the years has left me jaded and cynical.
 
I had perhaps the worst night of my life yesterday. I get a call from a [now former] friend's ex partner that the friend was threatening suicide so I went over there to help best I can. I cleaned up dog shit and piss that was all over the floor and she asked me to help her bathe because she was covered in it, plus she was so wasted she could barely stand up. I stayed with her until she passed out on her couch and left, so imagine my surprise when I have cops banging at my door telling me I raped her. Things got real really fast when some dickhead cop tells me I'm going away for 15 to 20. Needless to say, they determined [obviously] there was no case and I wasn't arrested, but I learned a valuable lesson from this. My father tried to impress upon me to never stick my neck out for anyone because you can't count on people to act ethically. Fuck step 12. I will never get involved in a situation like this ever again. I thought I was repaying the universe by showing kindness to someone like the kindness I received when I was in dire straits but it bit me in the ass. I'll perform service by helping set up a room, making coffee or chairing a meeting if need be, but helping someone in an acute situation, fuck that with a stick.

EDIT: I intended to go to a meeting this evening and talk about this but my sponsor cautioned me about oversharing and taking up too much time. So fuck it. I'm not going to go. If I can't talk about this in a meeting, where the fuck can I talk about it? AA and this whole situation can just go fuck itself for the time being.
 
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<3 aihfl, you have to be really carful in those situations man. Picture holding a full glass, you pour some help out to someone, and someone else, and another person and before you know it your cup is empty. The focus is you man, sometimes I avoid people and places for this very reason. The program I work is selfish when it comes down to it.

Sometimes I like to say my name out loud, my sobriety date and upon awakening I make that deep personal commitment that I will stay sober just for today and I'll be damned if another person is going to get me high or drunk.

It helps, especially on days where I feel like total shit upstairs.
 
Been a while since I've been posted. The situation I last posted about seems to have blown over. I called the attorney who handled my divorce and he advised that if a detective came poking around to say that I've made a statement I stand behind, that I won't answer any more questions without an attorney present and to call him immediately. But that never happened and at this point it won't.

This week has been exhausting already and it's only Wednesday. I had Monday off from work but had a grueling day of neuro-psych testing at the psychologist's office I like solving puzzles but not for hours on end, especially with my ADD. Yesterday I started work at 11:30am but still had to be up early to go have fasting bloodwork done and run a bank errand. I thought I was going to be able to spend a relaxing evening at home after getting off from work at 8, but a friend reminded me that we had plans to see Grosse Pointe Blank as part of the local art theater's "Cult Classics" series, so there went my night at home. The movie was great blast from the past though. I remember seeing it in the theater when I was in grad school.

Also made a three month commitment to chair a Saturday evening Big Book meeting (April-June). I know there will be Saturdays that the last thing I feel like doing is going to a meeting, but it will be good for me to have to live up to that commitment and keep me accountable. Plus, I like literature meetings more than discussion meetings because there are times while chairing a discussion meeting I wish I had a gong next to my chair to cut people off when they ramble on too long or start talking nonsense. I've also led the meditations at the past two Refuge Recovery meetings and am chairing a meeting coming up soon, I can't remember exactly when.

Hope everyone is having a safe and sober go of it.
 
I'm glad that crap blew over I was scared for you. It sounds like things are starting too look up.
 
aihfl said:
Fuck step 12. I will never get involved in a situation like this ever again. I thought I was repaying the universe by showing kindness to someone like the kindness I received when I was in dire straits but it bit me in the ass. I'll perform service by helping set up a room, making coffee or chairing a meeting if need be, but helping someone in an acute situation, fuck that with a stick.

EDIT: I intended to go to a meeting this evening and talk about this but my sponsor cautioned me about oversharing and taking up too much time. So fuck it. I'm not going to go. If I can't talk about this in a meeting, where the fuck can I talk about it? AA and this whole situation can just go fuck itself for the time being.
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You had a very important experience here. It was impressed upon me early on that a 12th step call is best done with 2 or more. This is prime example. I am glad you made it out okay. I saw your most recent post as well. I am glad to hear that you have become a service junky! Good stuff my friend. Thank you for allowing me to witness the miracle...
 
jdfisse said:
You had a very important experience here. It was impressed upon me early on that a 12th step call is best done with 2 or more. This is prime example. I am glad you made it out okay.
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In hindsight I shouldn't have gotten involved at all. I should have called the police (or made the ex-partner who called me do it) and had her Baker Acted (sectioned). I heard the word "suicide" and it lit a fire under me. At the time I was loath to have her Baker Acted because the cops take you to the shithole county run facility (I've been there too) but I should have just done it. I don't know when, if ever, I will be ready to make another "house call." The most important thing I've learned here is to leave people alone until they actually want to do something about their problem (though there are "such unfortunates" that will never want real help). And if someone else can learn from my experience, don't keep in touch with people you met in treatment outside running into them at meetings. There's a reason they tell you that in rehab.
 
Got my bloodwork results in this morning. I am as healthy as a horse. Everything was well within range, and the HDL/LDL cholesterol ratio was even at "below average risk." Blood pressure at the doc's office was also a healthy 112/72 with a resting heart rate of 64.

I try to think of one thing daily I can be grateful for and today I am grateful that I stopped alcohol and drugs before I did myself any permanent damage to my health. Tobacco comes next, but it's almost three in the afternoon and I've only had two cigarettes, so I'm doing better.

Have most of the week off next week. Thinking about perhaps going camping somewhere nearby, taking in a spring training game or maybe both. Atlanta has spring training in Orlando so it's convenient. They have home games left against Toronto, Detroit and the NYY.
 
Awesome! I too dodged many bullets. Lots of grace and mercy shown my direction.

I am BoSox fan but always liked the Braves as well growing up. Would be fun to see Freeman, Stanton, and Judge in the same game (if they aren't resting). Enjoy your time off!
 
jdfisse said:
I am BoSox fan
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That's ok, I'll still talk to you ;) My ex-wife is from New England and New England sports fans can be rabidly obnoxious. Which is better than Florida sports fans, I suppose, who bail when the team sucks and jump on the bandwagon when they're doing great. I've lived here 20+ years now, so this is home now and I try to support my home teams (mainly the Magic and the Rays) no matter how they're doing.
 
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aih-

I can relate to so much to much of what you're feeling lately. I so much wish I lived closer to you- it would be great to meet for coffee and give each other support.

I often feel the "no deed goes unpunished" syndrome. When you went out of your way, gave 100% (which, I don't mind doing if I'm able) and then it's somehow turned around on you. It's frustrating, hurtful and in your case it could've unfavorably affected the rest of your life.

Fortunately, it didn't and is now a valuable lesson learned. It really pissed me off reading that- as I know all you're going through right now. Happy it has blown over ?

On a very positive note, you seem happier than I've ever seen you on BL. It shines through in your posts.

A week from today- I have my appointment w the sub Dr. I am trying my best to hang in there. She is a psychiatrist, so she should be able to write for my Neurontin as well.

I haven't been able to get a Dr since I've moved to this town this past October. That said, I haven't been taking my psych meds as needed and prescribed. And it's severely had a very negative impact on my emotional, spiritual and mental health. It's been a very stressful time that's been made worse.

That's alot of the reason I'm not posting much. I'm really ready to stop dope. I've reached my limit w all of it.

I just wanted to say hello and that I'm very glad you did ok w that friend situation. <3
 
^^ *I meant "no good deed goes unpunished'. I can't edit on the phone or I lose the entire thing.
 
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