I cant quit!! (opiates)

[Bojangles69]

The mental addiction is much worse and stronger than the physical aspect.

See thats the most deceiving aspect of opiate addiction. What people refer to as the "mental addiction" is really just the last 95% of withdrawals imo.

The first 5% are the physical wds (this is just the way I look at it not saying its right or wrong). They go by the fastest and thus are the easiest to deal with. Then we get past the physical wds, and don't feel physically sick, so we call the next stage "psychological addiction" or "mental addiction" or more generally just PAWs post acute wds. Which is apparently the professional way to refer to it lol. But what does it refer to? Just the time after physical wds. The truth is though just because our muscles aren't aching and we aren't vomiting doesn't mean there still isn't a strong physical/biological component going on. Our endorpins are raped to shit at this point, and left to struggle with 1/1billionth the size of their regular working "army". This really is still a physical thing though. The source at least. We don't have all those good biological chemicals flowing through our blood. So our brain always feels psychologically fucked up in one way or another.

But even years later, if you obsess about the drug, I tend to think its just because some people still never really got back to "normal" endorphin wise. So if you think about it, wtf is it? Is it REALLY addiction? Just because you are thinking about using a drug your body got really use to? Or is it really still the most minute bit of physical wds, our endorphins just haven't kicked in at 100% again?

When I think about opiate addiction more in those terms. There tends to be a lot less of these types of sentences going through my head..
"I am weak"
"I'm a drug addict with some mystical mental disorder and can't think right no matter how hard I try"
"I'm worthless and should just die"
"What is wrong with ME?!"

When I tell myself "hey this isn't really 'me', or a representation of who I really am, but just an unfortunate biological condition I must deal with (like someone who must learn to adapt to living with diabetes)", then you start to have different thoughts imo more along the line of..
"The fact I feel weak sometimes doesn't mean I'm weak, cause I don't get high now when I feel that way and thats what my brain wants, its not what I really want, and because I don't do it then that must mean that *I* am strong".
etc etc I think people get the point.

I've seen people including myself just quit a drug, and go onto to living a completely normal life and never have issues with that specific substance again. Believe it or not I see a lot to. These are the ones who aren't on BL, or in rehab, or NA, and just got on with their life and kinda "forgot" their mental addiction. I think this happens for obvious reasons. They didn't use a lot, or didn't use a drug that influences such an important region of the brain (like endorphins/opiates). So opiate addicts aren't really facing the impossible, imo they're just facing something that is a bit more difficult than other addictions. And because of that I don't think "addiction is a lifelong thing". I think its just a battle that slowly gets easier and easier, really slow with opiate recovery, and some people make it and some don't. I can speculate why. But all I know is as of today I have lots of hope for my future as an opiate addict. I can't tell myself I'll be fighting this problem for life, otherwise I'll OD on purpose tommorow. Nor will I tell myself I deserve what I got or that I'm weak. I had no idea what I was actually sacrificing when I started opiates. So fuck that I'm better than that shit lol. Say that I'm in denial but everyones in denial to some extent so I don't really care. I'm getting past this addiction one day and WILL live something resemblant of a normal life. I will never accept the idea that I'm broken otherwise I will definitely start to act broken. And that is what kills a lot of "addicts" imo, or "endorphin deficient human beings" as I like to say. It just sounds more accurate to me. And more respectable. I never liked the word "addict", I think society needs to abandon it as a whole and focus more on words that represent biological maladies rather than character maladies. I mean think about it when we think of an "addict" we tend to think of a fucked up person. And once society begins to react to addicts more like we react to diabetics... with respect and empathy for their condition rather than shame and disgust, then maybe this phenemenon called "opiate addiction" will go away. Likely not completely, but I do see our views of addiction changing quite drastically over these last couple decades, can't imagine how we'll percieve addiction 40 years from now.

 

[Skitts]

I am going through it with ya! I have been addicted to opiates just about 10years. I've been fighting it for about 2weeks now. It is very hard, I know. I cheated yesterday. As hard as it was, I flushed the rest of my stuff. I also have been addicted to many substances, and none were hard in comparison to quit like these damn opiates. I have loved any and all drugs my whole life. Part of what makes it hard for me I think is, I am trying to quit opiates and not trade out drugs. For instance, when I quit coke I started opiates. I havnt been drug free in hell over a decade, so I know mentally this makes it hard. I feel how can I not be on something/anything!! But I would love to be sober for ya knw 6months just to try it out. Then after that, see how I like it and if I do any drugs, I will have to tread lightly and only recreationally as I have a profound love for drugs. However, who's to say its not the "addict" talking. Maybe if we stay clean, we wont even want any drugs? Bc we will remember the hell after every drugs intial fun stage before you are addicted. I have defiantly learned there is a fine line between using for fun/becoming addicted. Just like cigarettes(which I quit 2years ago at 2packs/day). So yes, opiates for me are harder to quit than smoking.
Just dont give up, I know your plight and am fighting it right along with you! I am going to a meeting tonight, and I am not fond of these meetings. The only times I had ever went is when they were court ordered! Well, I think if we really want to quit, we need to keep an open mind. Try these meetings. I have become aware of this OxyDemon and it will try n convince you and justify any/all reasons to use. Also, are you able to take a weeks vacation from work? I used up vacation time to quit. Only you will know when the time to quit is right. You will feel it within you. There are several times I ignored this feeling. Then, I just waited for the feeling to come back (which was 2weeks ago). It is an opportunity that must be taken. At least for me. It will only has the potential to get worse. Not being able to find this/that, so will do this/that or the tolerance will just keep building. Maybe run into a new hookup with some good H. Trust me, this path can get really bad. Two of my friends are hooked on IV H. And we started off doing Vics at the beginning! Ha! They did H because they couldnt find OxyContin. But like each step, each new drug/high will suck you further in. After they did it, they said it was the best high they had ever had in their lives. Which we have done or tried all drugs I can think of. Im not saying you will go down this road. No matter what we are on, any of us can quit.
Okay well enough opiate talk for me, it is making me drool for one. We can do this!!!

 

[rob007]

hey guys. its been a while. so iheres and update
i binged on saturday night with a few bags of dope
stupid! but i have not touched anything since than. i am so greatful that i tapered my self down. i wouldnt be able to do it cold turkey.

it also helped that my girlfriend was very suppporting. it made everything a little bit easier.

i forgot how much pain felt like. immodium does help. but i only have been using 4-6mg doses.

not to mention, i got away from the city, and that has played a huge role in my detox. so i think this is my 4th day clean. i dont want to touch any opiates again! it feels nice to not be so sedated all the time. it sucks that my sleep is all fucked up, but i did get a few hrs each night, and just got about 5hrs today.

skkittz, u can do it man. i thought i wouldnt be able to but it is possible. im still a young kid and i dont want to be hooked on a needle. let me know how you do

thanks all!

 

[dramatica]

Exactly. Here's the thing though, if you can make it through the first month or so, it will just continue getting easier after that. The biggest illusion for me with all my addictions, was that life would simply be intolerable without them because of how intolerable it seemed the first few days of quitting. The truth about quitting opiates and most other drugs is that once you get past the initial phase, it gets a lot easier. You might even find that you enjoy life more than when you were using and have little to no desire to go back. Don't let addiction fool you, it's an illusion.

The level of truth in this poster's words is fucking tremendous. I love it.

Opiates will continue to taking from you until there is absolutely nothing left. Nothing. And the longer you go, the more impossible it seems to get away. You are definitely in a position where you can get away with a little willpower.

Keep it up! There are so many wonderful sober highs in life. Besides, living with shame is like living with a poison that constantly rots your soul and seeps into every aspect of your life. Living without the shame of being a junkie is worth the price of the quitting alone. Good luck