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I cant quit!! (opiates)

R

rob007

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 9, 2011
Messages
215
Location
Brooklyn
hello.

i dont drink. i quit smoking weed about a year ago but i have been on opiates for the past 6 months. about 2-3 times i had to cold turkey because i would run out of money. the worst time was after a month long opana binge. i made it 3 days clean. god i felt like shit. on the 4th day, i woke and took a 15mg Roxi. i thought maybe it would help me get out of bed, and boy did it give me sooo much energy. went back to doing opanas just as strong. this happened an other time.

fast forward to today. i stopped the opanas but i switched to using roxis to help me stay with out wd. for the past week, i was using about 50mg a day. i cut back my use to about 30 a day. i try not to take any but i have to work and i cant being curled up in a ball crying in pain.

so this is my last straw. i have been lying and sneaking behind my girlfriends back about everything. about the lack of money, the random nods. why i go out at random times of the day without any reason.

every time i try to stop, i end up doing more. i cant just stop. i love the feeling. i have no one to turn to. i'm afraid to tell my girlfriend. all this is putting a strain on me and dragging me deeper and deeper in.

each time i quit i just go back. what can i do to keep away?
 
You can only tell other people, in order to get help. The nature of addiction is that you can't quit on your own. If your girlfriend isn't nice or mature enough to help you with it [or if you just don't want to bother her with it for other reasons], try other family and people close to you, as well as health and mental help professionals. It's very important you nip this in the bud before it gets worse.
 
Maybe you haven't suffered enough to really want to get clean. It sounds like you're still pretty in love with the experience. I mean, that will probably never change, but you need to ask yourself honestly whether you want to get clean or feel obliged to want to get clean.
 
if all you have ever tried is cold turkey you are in great luck! from maintenance programs to aa/na(support groups) to quick tapers and substitution alla(anything bringing functionality) , not to mention the many combinations, you have a long path to go down before you can presume all is hopeless. and even then, there is hope.
 
I know exactly what you mean and so do many other opie addicts. I tried quitting for a good year straight between tapering, jumping off, relapsing over and over. I really just wanted to see if I could stop myself w/out going through the whole bs detox/rehab process. I did manage to make it 23 days at one point with no opies but the paws were too damn intense and not letting up at all at that point which was when I relapsed and my paradigm made a huge shift about the way I viewed opiates.

The whole act of trying to stop was the real hell for me. And the only reason I wanted to stop was I was being thrown into wds at least once or twice a day, sometimes days at a time when money was real bad. Then I asked myself "why do I have to go through this hell over and over am I really just that bad a person"? And the answer was no, I didn't have to. I looked at it objectively. I have a true biological disorder, just like diabetes or asthma. And opiates are NOT the type of drug you stop abruptly, or even do fast tapers off. Can you? Sure. But most of the time its trauma in some form that surfaces when you are struggling through paws and the slightest thing sets you back into use.

My answer was suboxone. And aside from the fact that is an opiate, I live a totally different life today. On sub I was able to fix everything that needed fixing. Money, got a fulltime job, family, see them almost everyday now and am never bitchy/angry around them. Career hunting for a SECOND job also (mental health career which is what I really want to do) when I haven't worked in 4 years for christ sake. Not only that I make NA meetings 5 nights a week now. I'm not hardcore NA but its a good place to find friends that accept you, and get a shitton of stress of your chest. BL is not able to do that for me at all. The internet tends to make my life worse so now I am not on it like I use to be. I made all these decisions because I was able to thanks to sub, and because I decided I want to live life and just be happy for once. Drug addiction is brutal on the spirit. But now I'm in a truely positive place. And the best part is I'm able to take a bit of my sub down everyweek. Don't even have to taper yet but want to. And the only thing that will be different now is my entire life lol. I'm going to do a very very slow taper, hop off the sub and go on clonidine/lyrica for a couple months. But I'm going to do the jump off at literally homeopathic doses of sub. I feel strong about myself and my life now. I'm greatful for things like you couldn't imagine. And now in this frame of mind quitting seems so much easier. The idea does not frighten me. I realized drugs don't ruin peoples lives, people ruin peoples lives. You don't have to neccessarily stop opiates to fix your life. The main problem is that short acting opiates tend to make people act and think bipolar. Shifts everyday from happy/high to depressed/suicidal. And unless you are a millionaire its very difficult to have a constant flow in your blood like sub gives me. It leaves me very stable both in my emotions and behavoir. One day I will be off but I'm in no rush this time around, and thats because I'm doing it in a way that I consider "right". I think too many opiate addicts beat themselves up with shame and its really the reason they always go back. They try to do the impossible. Like "I'm gonna taper for 2 weeks off this morphine then fix my life". Thats a plan for failure imo. Fix your life first THEN get off the drugs. Its just so much smoother that way imo. Just figured I drop my 2cents in here for yah & g/luck!
 
Many people here feel your pain, so know you are not alone. The first thing to realize (as bubblefaith pointed out) is that you still have many options still available to you, so hope shouldn't be in short supply for you. Remember that attempting to keep a positive attitude is important when trying to kick any habit, even if it only shines through some time, just keep trying. Also try to get as much friend & family support as you can as well.nand while your quitting, try to stay busy doing things that you didn't do while on drugs (like exercise more) and try to stay away from the people & places where you normally got high (like certain friend's houses or whatever).
 
I think it's great that even at your low level habit you really want to quit. that bodes well for the future.

maybe tell your girlfriend so you can do it together? i know a girlfriend would help me a lot in getting clean, as long as it's a girl willing to put up with such bullshit
 
rob007 said:
every time i try to stop, i end up doing more. i cant just stop. i love the feeling. i have no one to turn to. i'm afraid to tell my girlfriend. all this is putting a strain on me and dragging me deeper and deeper in.

each time i quit i just go back. what can i do to keep away?
Click to expand...
Hi rob, first of all I think it's great that you have admitted to yourself that this is a problem for you, even if you're not quite to the stage yet where you're really desperate to do something about it. As others have said you're still relatively new to this addiction, so you should count yourself lucky and be proud of yourself that you're already thinking about curbing your addiction, a point which takes many addicts YEARS to get to.

I know that it's really scary and daunting to face having to open up to a loved-one about a problem like this, but I honestly think that you should tell your girlfriend what is going on. You've tried beating this on your own, and it didn't work. And look, MOST people can't beat an addiction on their own so please don't feel weak or inadequate that you weren't successful. But at this stage I really think you need the support of someone who loves you and cares about you. A burden shared is a burden halved, so I really think it will be easier for you if you share your secret with your girlfriend. What do you honestly think her reaction will be?

Lastly I would like to suggest that you also seek some professional help, whether that is group therapy or one-on-one drug counselling or something similar. With the more help you seek you've just got SO MUCH of a better chance at beating this.

Good luck, and keep us updated with how you're going <3
 
One thing that has helped me wean down off opiates is tramadol. Many people don't like this drug but I've found it to be profoundly useful. If you strictly limit your dosage, it really can be a great help to ease you off the habit that you have. In any dose larger than 125mg, tramadol with induce a panic attack in me- so 2.5 50mg pills is all I can take no matter how bad I'm feeling. Right now I have it so I take 100mg in the morning and 125mg at night. I feel fine all day and sleep well at night. I'm going to reduce my morning dose by 25 mg next week and keep weaning down by 25mg per week. It really won't get you high at those doses either. Tramadol is easily ordered online as well. If you find yourself having a lot of trouble weaning down with oxycodone- you might consider switching to low doses of tramadol. Keep in mind that some people have had seizures on tramadol and- if you take any type of antidepressants (SSRI's, etc)- you should NOT take tramadol.

All the best. If you do get some tramadol and you want some taper examples just PM me.
 
what's crazy is that before doing opiates, i would binge on different drugs, such as coke and e and that would be it. i would take xanax but have found that with no recreational value. this has me by the balls. i am really trying to taper this the best i can. i have like 45mgs of oxy left. i did get a hold of a few xanax bars to help with the days.

i am going on vacation with my girl and her cousins/my friends next week. this will have me with out any connections for pills.

i find it funny how i could go CT every few weeks and suffer for 2-3 days and go back to it.

i even tried doing heroin while in withdrawals do help me ease through it. too bad the dope i can get is complete trash. a vicodin is stronger than a stamp bag :(

i think if i cant just not do any oxy after this weekend + week away from every connect i will be in the clear.

i think this rushed taper will help me the best. usually i had to CT from 40-50mg of opana and that was too much hell for me.

i took a 1mg xanax last night after my last dose of 15 mg at 7pm. it helped me sleep like a baby. i woke up and took about 10mg of oxy. i dont plan on taking any until i am really feeling shitty and that is because i have to work.

it sucks because i cry about how much shit i put myself through. stealing money from loved ones, pawning things.

*sorry for the rambling, i needed to write some shit out.
 
Hello My friend. hope you're feeling ok today- this process can't be easy, opiates are bastards aren't they? i know at the moment that your heads got the 'need to get high' record stuck on repeat but (with abstinence) sooner or later the disk will get worn out, scratched or simply replaced.

The first step has already been crossed, you know that this melarkey is just making the hole it initially filled so much bigger and darker. The next step is enpowering [sp?] yourself within the situation- this is far harder than it seems- but you can switch the dynamic. BUT MOST importantly remember that the TEMPORARY discomfort (wd's + a few weeks of mind games) can lead to a drastic change in your life, and one for the better- there's so many possibility's in this world, i'd hate to miss them for false idols- espch pharms.

I wish you all the best dude, you shall be in my thoughts xx
 
The main problem is that short acting opiates tend to make people act and think bipolar. Shifts everyday from happy/high to depressed/suicidal. And unless you are a millionaire its very difficult to have a constant flow in your blood like sub gives me.
Click to expand...

Yes... this is why sub & methadone work so good long term; fuck short acting opiates
 
well it has been about 6 hours since my last dose. i am not in soo much agony and i think it has to do with decreasing my dose each day. also, i think the xanax is keeping me stable.

i cant wait to take lunch n smoke a cig for sure! i'm not sure exactly when i will take another small dose of oxy but im sure it will happen. i dont want to drive home feeling shitty. but we will see where taht goes.

keeping busy has helped me a lot.

thanks for all the support!
 
its simple. Your desire to get high outweighs your desire to stay sober and stick it through the tough withdrawal and getting back to normal period. If you really wanted to stop you would not keep going back. Just man up and deal with the shitty feeling for the firs worst week or two and it will pass and you will get back to normal before you were getting high every day.
 
Strongheart said:
its simple. Your desire to get high outweighs your desire to stay sober and stick it through the tough withdrawal and getting back to normal period. If you really wanted to stop you would not keep going back. Just man up and deal with the shitty feeling for the firs worst week or two and it will pass and you will get back to normal before you were getting high every day.
Click to expand...

'If you really wanted to stop you would not keep going back'- relapse is all part of the process, don't become despondent because you fucked up. fucking up is what makes us distinctly human.

DO you want to get high or avoid feeling bad?
x
 
Strongheart said:
its simple. Your desire to get high outweighs your desire to stay sober and stick it through the tough withdrawal and getting back to normal period. If you really wanted to stop you would not keep going back. Just man up and deal with the shitty feeling for the firs worst week or two and it will pass and you will get back to normal before you were getting high every day.
Click to expand...

Exactly. Here's the thing though, if you can make it through the first month or so, it will just continue getting easier after that. The biggest illusion for me with all my addictions, was that life would simply be intolerable without them because of how intolerable it seemed the first few days of quitting. The truth about quitting opiates and most other drugs is that once you get past the initial phase, it gets a lot easier. You might even find that you enjoy life more than when you were using and have little to no desire to go back. Don't let addiction fool you, it's an illusion.
 
Hey not a lot of people really understand opiates and thats unfortunate because society has never been known to react to substance abuse problems well. I think people really tend to forget this era we are living in we are going to look back one day at this age of times literally the same way we look back at the greek era now. How people use to just kill each other for entertainment then... wow a bunch of nutjobs right? lol. Well its not too different now and days we just kill people by not socially accepting them.

Drug addicts do not get their fair treatment in soceity, we are misunderstood by so many people, and all these factors imo are what makes addiction as hard as it is to get past. People would rather assume addicts are all broken lazy bastards then the fact that 90% of us get up everyday and go to work, a lot of us are good fucking people, but only our families really get to see that fact. And even then they tend to overreact a lot or even osctracize us.

To get past addiction to need to let go of the shame and guilt. The idea that you are weak. Imagine this problem as clearly as you can. Opiates affect a part of your brain which is the essence of life imo. Energy, confidence, empathy, a shield that can protect you from any form of social ridicule. They are the drug of the masses. And rates of opiate addiction are HIGHEST today then they have EVER been in the past, especially in recent years. This is a fact. With the downed economy, and the way the US is today so many americans are addicted to opiates but along with that it is also becoming easier and easier to treat. Just think no longer do we NEED to go to detox we can just walk into an office for a sub script and taper down for months while we still are allowed to work and hold our lives together. Things are slowly changing for the better and attitudes towards addiction are becoming more and more empathetic as the years go by.

You just need to accept somewhat the primal state we are in as of now. Its literally been a matter of years that we started to view addiction as a mental illness and disorder. Its going to take likely 100-200 years for society to catch up with this new perspective. But I'm sure older addicts can see how society has actually improved already over the years. Sure tons of people still have their corrupt belief systems but when I was a young addict (only 29 today) I remember people taking to me with so much more hostility then they do now. Now when I talk about addiction so much more people accept it. "I have a family member that was addicted to x" and they looks for ways to relate to you rather than ridicule you.

You need to be strong in your beliefs even as an addict and you need to drop any shame or guilt like I said as that shit will devour you alive and kill you fast. And always always take this thing slow. There is not quitting drugs today and fixing your life tommorow. Even non addicts it takes tons of time to make changes in lifestyle. So as an addict its not going to be any differenct. Be patient and be persistent and you will soon find both of those to be huge virtues in addiction. G/luck and never cease to ask questions and update us through your own "process". We are all here for each other and last thing we need is for more lives to be taken by this horrible disease.

-Bo
 
rob007 said:
what's crazy is that before doing opiates, i would binge on different drugs, such as coke and e and that would be it. i would take xanax but have found that with no recreational value. this has me by the balls. i am really trying to taper this the best i can. i have like 45mgs of oxy left. i did get a hold of a few xanax bars to help with the days.

i am going on vacation with my girl and her cousins/my friends next week. this will have me with out any connections for pills.

i find it funny how i could go CT every few weeks and suffer for 2-3 days and go back to it.

i even tried doing heroin while in withdrawals do help me ease through it. too bad the dope i can get is complete trash. a vicodin is stronger than a stamp bag :(

i think if i cant just not do any oxy after this weekend + week away from every connect i will be in the clear.

i think this rushed taper will help me the best. usually i had to CT from 40-50mg of opana and that was too much hell for me.

i took a 1mg xanax last night after my last dose of 15 mg at 7pm. it helped me sleep like a baby. i woke up and took about 10mg of oxy. i dont plan on taking any until i am really feeling shitty and that is because i have to work.

it sucks because i cry about how much shit i put myself through. stealing money from loved ones, pawning things.

*sorry for the rambling, i needed to write some shit out.
Click to expand...


So heres my opinion and it comes from my own experience. I used to always think after I got passed the withdrawals everything would be fine. Thats a load of crap. The mental addiction is much worse and stronger than the physical aspect. Especially at your level of usage. That isn't to diminish your habit and say your not struggling, but your withdrawal should not be extremely terrible at that level of use. if you can continue to taper down on the oxy i think you can keep the physical stuff to a minimum. You might not feel great for a few days but its nothing like if you were shooting h for 6 months. I would get out while you can man and I recommend getting some professional help, it will help you learn to deal with the mental shit. Addiction is a lifelong thing and I think you know you are addicted. It's a disease but we can put it into remission if we work at it.
 
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