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i can't possibly be the only person who is friends with an ex?

I think you're wrong there. I've shown three examples above and the only one I ever wanted to get back with was the 3rd and that was before she changed into the person she is now. And no, there is no financial need here, I've never relied on anything like that from a relationship, I just haven't needed it. I'm even seeing a girl at the moment.

Unless I don't count as a stable person, but I suppose in that case I wouldn't be the best to comment on my stability. :P
 
Hey, man, best of luck to you.

it doesn't really matter.

I often make decisions with my heart too, just like everybody else. I'm just aware of it :)
 
I am friends with my ex, but They are guys that ive have dated for only like 5 months tops. I don't really think it really is the same thing.
 
I split up with my ex because she was bet friends with an ex that cheated on her loads. They became best friends while in the relationship with me, when we met they hated each other...I ain't been walked over life's to short :)
 
Wow. So you're omnipotent I guess. Sorry, my bad...


You're wrong...and a little bit right(to cover the other kinds of people). But again, I love how you speak for "most people", and talk about "OBJECTIVE observation" - really makes a convincing argument *can't keep straight face*... much love anyhow.
Animal Mother said:
I see how averse to generalizations you seem to be...

Whatever, I've rarely met a stable person who had a history of healthy relationships, that kept exes as friends.

Most people who make this claim, are hiding a desire to get back together with their ex, or are having some financial need being met in the situation.

What is immature, is lying to yourself and everybody else about your true feelings. I couldn't tell you how many times I've seen people use the guise of "still friends" so that they could get closer and make another attempt at a relationship. But hey, maybe I'm wrong, maybe the people on THIS forum are unique amongst the rest of the world...


pff. It's not cynicism. It's objective observation.
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I'm still good friends with my first girlfriend, which was also by far the longest and most emotionally intense relationship I have ever had. We dated in college, and it was great, but it became clear to me in senior year that we both wanted incredibly different things in life. She wanted to find a husband, move back to her hometown, start a family, etc., all in her early-mid twenties, while all I could think about was getting the hell out of the US and getting a job as a foreign correspondent. Now that we've both done exactly what we've wanted (she's not engaged yet, but I'm expecting it will happen any day now), we can be friends and there's no problem. Things got emotionally tough after we started fucking again the summer after graduation in the midst of our post-graduation anxiety, but that's long over. I look back and realise just how incompatible we would be for each other now, but that's part of the reason it's okay for us to still be friends because the idea of going back to each other is laughable. I can honestly say that I want to stay lifelong friends with her without having the slightest desire to be with her again.
 
Yeah not a fan they usually do shady and fucked up shit to get us there tho.
I remember I had a class with an ex of mine after we hadn't talked in so long. She had left me for and older guy. The friendship was instantly rekindled. If fact maybe even another crush despite our past. And she probably the only reason I passed government.

Bagochina my chick does the same thing. Gets to knows my exs texts them and hang out with them... very uncomfortable for me. The last one was an ex that ended on bad terms and she would tell my girlfriend all this bs to get in her head. It was a very stressful time for my relationship.
 
I'm best friends with my kid's mother. We got together in high school, reproduced, and tried to make it work for several years. We were together 6yrs, and this is going on the 11th year since we first met. I wasn't an easy break-up (though had we been more mature and honest it should have been), we both truly loved each and wanted to make it work for the kid. At one point, we both agreed we were "soulmates", however we were too like-minded. We both needed an opposite for balance.

At first, there was some hurt feelings. Then we got over it, realizing we both liked the same shit and had the most fun together. We tried fucking, but feelings kept fuking with our friendship. Now we are the best of friends, we turn to each other first when seeking advice. We kick it all the time, and I've become great friends with her current boyfriend. It is a lot of work though.

As to Animal Mother: In our case, we DO still love each other and want to be close...just not on a sexual level. We have been a whole slew of fucked-up statuses; together, in an open-relationship, seperated but roomies and friends, enemies, friends w/ benefits, and best friends. If not for our kid, I wish we could have skipped all the BS and went straight to here, though we prolly wouldn't be as close. Sex just complicated shit. It's mutually understood that we are looking for different people, and fucking just makes us wanna be together, something we suck at. Instead, what we have is something special; a best friend of opposite gender, with whom we have no secrets, who can give unbiased advice. Though, in concession, we do have a kid, and both of us believe we HAVE TO interact civilly, and therefore might as well make the most of it. We were fucked-up kids and hurt each pretty bad in the past. Without a common link, we prolly would have hated each a lot longer, and whilst most likely still being acquaintances (living in the same small town with a small user population), we would have had no incentive to cast away the stone.
 
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I am only friends with 1 of my ex'es.. I don't hang out with her anymore, they live far away...

My g/f is friends with most of her ex'es.. it doesn't bother me at all.. except maybe the one guy who still has a bit of a crush on her.. and it doesn't even bother me.. I just will keep my eye on him a tad. ;) lol.
 
I have only one ex who is still a friend. We also had a very mutual, honest and dignified break-up after 18 months. There were no tantrums. We catch up for coffee occasionally, he even started dating a girl we both used to work with (we met at work) with my full blessings. I even had a very strange car ride with just them and me.

I think it tends to be more mature when there aren't too many tangible 'in love' kinda feelings toward the end. The fading does it. Better off as friends.
 
The exes I am friends with I have no interest in. Maybe that's the difference. But, it took me a long while. One ex I didn't talk to for 2 years and then we started talking. With 2 years between things, it was no big deal.

I couldn't do it if I really liked the guy and it was like 3 weeks later. that's ridiculous, but I can do it after a year or so.

My ex husband texts me every once and a while to see how I'm doing. We are friends too. I don't think it's impossible, and I don't have any romantic feelings for any of them at all.
 
I'm glad I found a post like this. Had some questions I needed answered and they have been.

Seems time is the major factor in going from a relationship with someone to just friendship where no other feelings are involved from either person.

I love BL. A lot of the things I read are like therapy for me, it's great to hears of other peoples experiences and their different perspectives.
 
Lysis said:
The exes I am friends with I have no interest in. Maybe that's the difference. But, it took me a long while. One ex I didn't talk to for 2 years and then we started talking. With 2 years between things, it was no big deal.

I couldn't do it if I really liked the guy and it was like 3 weeks later. that's ridiculous, but I can do it after a year or so.

My ex husband texts me every once and a while to see how I'm doing. We are friends too. I don't think it's impossible, and I don't have any romantic feelings for any of them at all.
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exactly- my ex sent me a fb message about 2 weeks after we split up and it began all innocent and nice but then he started telling me he was moving in with dude that i know for fact fancies him. i was wondering for two days why i felt like shit until i blocked him. i dont need that kind of nasty adore me from afar needy bullshit


if you just split up with someone you dont need them plucking your heart strings like the saddest song. thats some dumb ass shit.

i see people i'm friends with chatting to their ex on skype for hours a month after they split up. laughable. funny how they dont get over the other person when they are contstantly in contact. but that case was that they wanted to get back with their ex.

dunno for me i have some dignity. it feels shit to break up with someone and be alone but my personal wellbeing comes before that of anyone else, i respect and love myself so i dont see why i would self torture or move backwards into a situation that is unrectifiable or the pink elephant has finally become so big its squashing everyone
 
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This depends entirely on the ex situation! Some are just weird because weird stuff keeps coming up. Others are open enough that you joke about it without having that awkward split second or furtive glance or sigh. It depends on the two people. I try to be friends with my exes. One of them is still internally kind of mad at me and I can never really talk to for a long time, I still get the blame game and each year it gets exceedingly one-sided, so I don't even bother now. The other I regularly have drinks with, we get along swimmingly with no weirdness. At one point there was sentimentality, but if you both know friendship is the only shot you have at keeping each other, you'll behave and not screw it up.
 
There are several reasons why my most serious relationship ended. There were repeated breaches of trust on both sides involving alcohol and drugs. I respect his intelligence deeply and I hope he will find someone who suits him. We've only hung out with mutual friends. We are very different people.

My second most serious relationship, though? We're constantly texting. There is nothing I cannot tell him, even if it's me asking for advice about another guy. Part of me would love to get back together with him, but that would involve a life upheaval I'm not presently willing to make. He would love to get back together.

My most recent serious relationship... he and I are NOT friends, at all, and I doubt we ever will be. He is a scumbag, a criminal, and I'm glad his ex-wife (with whom I am friends, she's sweet) has custody of their two beautiful sons. I cannot believe I put as much energy into that relationship as I did. He moved on very quickly after he and I split this past summer, he's now got someone else to manipulate, and she can have him.
 
ha definitely not.
here is one soap-opera story for you. staring my parents. In bullet points cause otherwise it'll be to bloody long ;)


- my mom is not the most easy going person and was constantly nagging my dad for the smallest things possible. they fought a lot.
- my dad got himself a lover and had a baby by her
- meanwhile my mom got pregnant from my dad
- she told him and he said that he just had a baby by his lover
- my mom got an abortion and kiked my dad out
- dad got together with that woman
- my mom hated him for about a year.
- now my parents are very good friends again and have a business together
- my dad left that woman he had a baby with since was a total bitch
- he now lives with yet another women hah but mom doesn't mind her obviously
- meanwhile my mom had 2 another long term boyfriends and stayed friends with one of them too.
- me, my dad, mom and their partners even went on some holidays all together.

so yeah. everything is possible :)
 
^ Wow, that's some drama there. I'm friends with an ex but in a "Hey Theresa, can you spare an extra 20 bucks?" kinda way.
 
I'm friends with an ex who I was with for 4.5 years, with all sorts of wreckage from both being drug addicts at the time and the rings that go with that. She lives across the country now, but we still talk on the phone at least once a month and I chilled with her and her new boyfriend recently while I was back east for christmas.
 
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