-
-
SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
i can't possibly be the only person who is friends with an ex?
- Thread starter _a_A_C_c_
- Start date
Brittyluff
Greenlighter
Me and my daughters dad have a good relationship. He treated me horrible while we were together. I had to lie to him bout taken pills. We were only together cause he knocked me up. He was just a pot dealer and we would hook up while high.
I left him for my husband who is my soulmate. My ex didn't take well to that. How could someone like -me- leave someone. like-him-. He told everyone I was a drug addict and kept me from my daughter. It was bout three months. Now everything is good. We share our daughter like responsible parents. We smoke each other out. We talk about our lives and most importantly we support our daughter.
I left him for my husband who is my soulmate. My ex didn't take well to that. How could someone like -me- leave someone. like-him-. He told everyone I was a drug addict and kept me from my daughter. It was bout three months. Now everything is good. We share our daughter like responsible parents. We smoke each other out. We talk about our lives and most importantly we support our daughter.
I hope so, she knows I am messed up, and I need all the help I can get. If I do get any help, it will be repayed somehow. Not like others who I stupidly mentioned a few things like drugs. Yep, No drug mentioning from now on, imo if it's something in the past like drugs i should be able to keep it a secret and not tell her. How does that effect her what I did in the past? It doesn't. I'm no angel and neither is anyone else.
junegreenjeans
Bluelighter
variables
Depends on how the 'ex' be feeling about you. If their still housing feelings, well, that's not fair on them, you or the one your presently with to remain in contact...
My husbands ex and he had separated over a year before he even met me but low and behold, when she found out he was seeing me, she suddenly began to attempt reconciliation.
He had told her when they separated that he needed space and time to work on himself. What this really meant was he knew she wasn't the one for him but he didn't have the courage to come straight out with it and hoped she would simply get the message. Over the next year (before I showed up in his life) they texted often and in hindsight, this led her on and was unfair; he knows that now and that by trying to be a nice guy and let her down easy, he instead pulled at her heart strings and left too much room for misinterpretation.
So they hadn't actually seen one other for almost a year when he met me and after about 4 months into our relationship, she just showed up one day after searching the town for him. A romantic thing to do when you think about it. Still, I was furious that he told me he was single when in a way, there was another lady out there thinking he was her's but taking time away but still, with her. This made 'me' the other woman; at least, that's how it kinda felt.
So yes, she shows up,
they go off for a talk and my heart drops and thumps hard and loud while I wait for him to return. He told her more about me and how he wished to start a life with me; he would not allow her to hug him and rejected her flirtatious attempts. She reluctantly retreated after a few days of minor stalking but then off she went back to her life. I admit, I was intimidated, though confident in how he and I felt towards each other but intimidated none the less; she was a wealthier woman than I was, she had a sailboat though from what I gather, rarely used the sails but still, a good looking woman with a sailboat, poser or not, I felt the pangs of inadequacies even though I know full well it is about heart, not what's in one's bank account.
He and I moved to a new town to start a life together and I thought she was out of the picture but low and behold, a year and a half later, when he re booted his old email account he found hundreds of unopened emails from her claiming how she would wait for him, so on and so forth and it became painfully apparent that his 'if I don't deal with her, she'll go away' concept was not working and in fact was rather cruel on her and well, me too.
So finally he wrote her some clarity and closure and she hasn't sent anything since; at least, to my knowledge...
It bothered me greatly that he would neglect a heartbroken girl when all she needed was some brute truth without the sugar coating so she could move on.
So yes, friends with an ex all depends on how that ex is feeling about you. I know my sweetheart didn't like it one bit when my ex dropped the occasional line and that was to simply say hello. His ex sent hundreds of 'i will wait for you, i have to, i love you, you love me? and always with a question mark at the end. I thought, have some courage of your convictions. I mean, if your going to claim you love the guy, why put a question mark at the end of each statement. Weirdness. No I did not snoop, he wanted me to see so I wouldn't worry. He only opened a few but it was crystal clear this woman/girl was stuck on him and in a way that was beginning to be rather worrisome/stalker ish.
It was tough, my heart was thumping at the knowledge that some girl had been sending the man I hope to spend my life with, love letters that remained unopened, unresponded to yet she continued to send them at an alarming rate and we felt relief she did not know where we lived.
So yes, all depends on how that friendzone with an ex makes your present S.O feel and/or if the ex still has feelings for if they do, and you continue the whole 'friends' thing, well ,IMO, that's just mild torture for all involved and a bummer thing to do.
If someone is getting over you, let them...[/COLOR][/FONT]
Many of us are bad at confrontation but in these type of matters, brute truth works best. Getting over someone isn't easy so if you think your being a good person by letting them down easy and not being clear, well, that's delusional and in the long run, hurts them even more.
Depends on how the 'ex' be feeling about you. If their still housing feelings, well, that's not fair on them, you or the one your presently with to remain in contact...
My husbands ex and he had separated over a year before he even met me but low and behold, when she found out he was seeing me, she suddenly began to attempt reconciliation.
He had told her when they separated that he needed space and time to work on himself. What this really meant was he knew she wasn't the one for him but he didn't have the courage to come straight out with it and hoped she would simply get the message. Over the next year (before I showed up in his life) they texted often and in hindsight, this led her on and was unfair; he knows that now and that by trying to be a nice guy and let her down easy, he instead pulled at her heart strings and left too much room for misinterpretation.
So they hadn't actually seen one other for almost a year when he met me and after about 4 months into our relationship, she just showed up one day after searching the town for him. A romantic thing to do when you think about it. Still, I was furious that he told me he was single when in a way, there was another lady out there thinking he was her's but taking time away but still, with her. This made 'me' the other woman; at least, that's how it kinda felt.
So yes, she shows up,
they go off for a talk and my heart drops and thumps hard and loud while I wait for him to return. He told her more about me and how he wished to start a life with me; he would not allow her to hug him and rejected her flirtatious attempts. She reluctantly retreated after a few days of minor stalking but then off she went back to her life. I admit, I was intimidated, though confident in how he and I felt towards each other but intimidated none the less; she was a wealthier woman than I was, she had a sailboat though from what I gather, rarely used the sails but still, a good looking woman with a sailboat, poser or not, I felt the pangs of inadequacies even though I know full well it is about heart, not what's in one's bank account.He and I moved to a new town to start a life together and I thought she was out of the picture but low and behold, a year and a half later, when he re booted his old email account he found hundreds of unopened emails from her claiming how she would wait for him, so on and so forth and it became painfully apparent that his 'if I don't deal with her, she'll go away' concept was not working and in fact was rather cruel on her and well, me too.
So finally he wrote her some clarity and closure and she hasn't sent anything since; at least, to my knowledge...
It bothered me greatly that he would neglect a heartbroken girl when all she needed was some brute truth without the sugar coating so she could move on.
So yes, friends with an ex all depends on how that ex is feeling about you. I know my sweetheart didn't like it one bit when my ex dropped the occasional line and that was to simply say hello. His ex sent hundreds of 'i will wait for you, i have to, i love you, you love me? and always with a question mark at the end. I thought, have some courage of your convictions. I mean, if your going to claim you love the guy, why put a question mark at the end of each statement. Weirdness. No I did not snoop, he wanted me to see so I wouldn't worry. He only opened a few but it was crystal clear this woman/girl was stuck on him and in a way that was beginning to be rather worrisome/stalker ish.
It was tough, my heart was thumping at the knowledge that some girl had been sending the man I hope to spend my life with, love letters that remained unopened, unresponded to yet she continued to send them at an alarming rate and we felt relief she did not know where we lived.
So yes, all depends on how that friendzone with an ex makes your present S.O feel and/or if the ex still has feelings for if they do, and you continue the whole 'friends' thing, well ,IMO, that's just mild torture for all involved and a bummer thing to do.
If someone is getting over you, let them...[/COLOR][/FONT]
Many of us are bad at confrontation but in these type of matters, brute truth works best. Getting over someone isn't easy so if you think your being a good person by letting them down easy and not being clear, well, that's delusional and in the long run, hurts them even more.