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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

TDS I cant get clean

I did get a bottle of bayer extra strength aspirin and a big ass bottle of icy hot for arthritis.
The bayer is really helping wih these head aches. icyhot, not really doing much. So I am still drinking my coffee
<snip> keeping my head busy with playstation, and sleeping.
 
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Jnk said:
I did get a bottle of bayer extra strength aspirin and a big ass bottle of icy hot for arthritis.
The bayer is really helping wih these head aches. icyhot, not really doing much. So I am still drinking my coffee
<snip> keeping my head busy with playstation, and sleeping.
Click to expand...

Have you taken the norco?

Either way, congrats on 3 days soma free <3
 
Nope! :) 4 days no Norco, 3 days with no soma. I am short of breath and sleeping a little funny, the real killer is going to be tapering and quitting the Xanax.
Thanks!!!
 
That's awesome!! I'm so proud of you <3

In no time you'll be off the Xanax too once your taper is done.
 
yea, the Xanax is about the only relief im getting in the day. My back ....OMG ... my back is killing me and the aspirin isn't doing anything. so Im finding the icyhot and a heating pad work nicely.
still no Norco, no soma, no alcohol, ... im finding myself craving really bad foods like mcdonalds and pappajohns ... im going with it for now, get off the junk, so I can exercise then worry about the diet. I can only deal with so much change at once. If I try to fix everything, ill fail, I know I will, it will be too much. Id kill for a fkn box of krispy kream doughnuts right now...
 
So far its been physical pain which I can deal with, the mental shit hasnt started yet because my brain is still getting its Xanax... only maybe 2-3 more days and im out of those until my refills are due which is not anytime soon. I kinda set myself up on purpose because I don't know how to get this off the street, docs office only. Not interested getting busted at 40 years old buying pills from college kids... I would have that label stick with me forever. Id rather lay in bed and sweat. So by the time my refills are ready, I will have been off Norco and soma for 3 weeks and Xanax for 2 weeks. I can still, at this point see me walk into target pharmacy and pick up my jnk and "taper " again at a even lower level. Ive kicked Xanax before and I actually need it, but im going to try it again and see.
 
If you live in a country where the medical files aren't shared go to a different dr and get on clonidine or another drug to help you with the benzo withdrawal... why go through damaging effects that drive you to use when you don't have to.. also this could be your last detox ever, why not at least try to take that path and make it as nice as possible.. if you have to anyway dump the garbage for good<3
 
If you have a headshop in your area, go pick up some kratom. Only use it for a day or two, but it can definitely smooth the road for you. Might even be near a donut shop! ;)

You are doin' great. That pain is your body getting mad at you for taking away its medicine. You just gotta tell yourself that you are doing it for a reason, and the pleasant feelings that come after getting clean are worth it.

Don't look at it like 'what goes up must come down..' Think that what goes down must come up. You're getting beaten up right now, but you are doing it to get your life on the up 'n up. Hold on a bit more. What you are doing is an amazing feat that not everyone has the courage to do. Give yourself some credit!
 
You would think I would have access to a head shop being so close to Chicago but I don't. Still no Norco and no soma, damn my teeth hurt, my ribs hurt, im feeling really funny but not haha funny ... its raining here which is a trigger for me
I have a bottle of Norco's and crown royal reserve , its Friday, its raining... million excuses I gotta stay away from. If I can make it through today, ill be ok. Friday is always a trigger for me. I may have to just smoke and sleep. What sucks is a project ive been building on the web is done and being kicked off today at 5 with press releases on twitter, FB, all that shit... I should be really excited but im bummed, I just really don't care. My motivation is zapped man.
 
going a little crazy....

oh yea, the Norco and alcohol is put away, don't have easy access to it... just thinking about it from time to time. I cant believe how much my teeth and head hurt, but its not like a headache... damn its only 11:30am:!8(
fuk... it feels like 5pm, I need the sun to go down.
 
Hang in there <3

What can you do that's enjoyable to distract yourself? Like listen to some good music, have a bath, go for a walk, something like that?

Why do you have Norco and alcohol in your house? That sounds like possible torture, you know it's there so it enters your thoughts...
 
What can you do that's enjoyable to distract yourself?
good music triggers the real wild side in me
its here but put away, out of sight, and my whiskey is expensive, if I take that to my uncles house, he will drink it and
his daughter is a drogladite who will find my pills and take them also. Im not torturing myself, im ok. Smoking and getting my web work done...
Someone warned me about alcohol and at first I dismissed it but now I understand completely
 
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Im here and ok, still no Norco or drinks, as of today, no Xanax.
I have been numb, my wife told me Friday she is pregnant , sent my head spinning
totally changed my perspective on this and a lot of other things. This kid will be 18 when I am 58
we have been married for 15 years this year and nothing....now its like, BAM... my head is spinning.
 
Wow, congrats! I think a pregnancy is surprising and perhaps a bit alarming for every couple at first. But it will get better in time and bring you guys closer together.

Sounds like the detox is progressing as planned. You are doing well. Keep it up and in a week or so you should feel great. Then you can tackle the Xanax taper. Don't try too hard to abstain from Xanax now. Just keep it as low as you can. You got a lot on your plate, so one bite at a time!
 
Glad to hear you're doing well. Maybe this detox will be perfect timing considering your wife's pregnancy - what if it was meant to be? <3 You will have time to recover before the baby is born (*I am assuming you are proceeding with the pregnancy and planning on raising the baby considering you said "this kid will be 18 when I'm 58", so if you and your wife are still undecided I don't mean to be presumptuous).
 
Thanks you guys. Yes, we are going through with the whole ordeal and it is stressful and everything on top of getting clean... shew..
It just totally threw me for a loop, here I am totally selfish thinking of myself and being sober and here there is another life in the making.
I talked to my doctors office and they said not to worry about birth defects with the 3 meds I am on, he said it doesn't happen.

That was my 1st thought was, oh no, I was on RX drugs when this kid was made, what next? But Doc said everyone should be just fine.
 
I thought I would make this list for anyone curious about what they might be getting into ( or out of )
These are feelings / sensations I have been going through.
Soma withdraw effects

  • Muscle spasms
  • stiffness
  • soreness
  • vomiting
  • diarrhea
  • sleeplessness
  • horrible taste in mouth
  • headaches
  • blurred vision (to where you cant read or drive)
  • loss of appetite nothing sounds good or tastes good
  • restlessness
  • time stands still (takes an hour for the clock to move 3 minutes)
  • shortness of breath
  • ZERO motivation
  • General loss of motor skills
  • drug seeking behavior (in thought)
  • massive anxiety
  • Irritability very very high
  • sensitive to sunlight and sound
  • General overall feeling of pending doom

There is a good list I promise, I just have not completed it yet but I will post it when it is done.
for starters, its nice to be 100% aware, able and awake for things. Right now I am thinking about the drugs more than not, but I have noticed that even that gets better by the day. What I am really needing and waiting for is my motivation and over all general spirit to come back, I have been a zombie for what seems like a couple years. This is a lot of work but this did not just happen over night either, It took me some time to dig myself into this hole so, I do anticipate a realistic recovery time.

The 4th day.... is a killer, just get through the 4th day and it is down hill from there. Not saying it is perfect or easy, but it gets better and easier to sort out in your head.
 
You are a true warrior for pushing through this so far. I hope you see it through and I hope you understand how strong you are and what you are accomplishing!

Best of luck to you and congrats on the pregnancy!
 
Thanks Ferox!! This is the hardest detox ive gone through, I think because of my age. Addiction is such a nasty business and the drug seeking behavior thoughts will drive you crazy. I have 2 sides to the coin, leave my wife and get a studio apartment down town and be stoned and hang out , working a shit job and just going from one high to another.... this is out of the question with the pregnancy, plus I really love my wife.

I don't feel like a warrior , I feel like a loser who has wasted approx. 10-15 years of my life. This is getting harder, the soma withdraw is giving me the shakes
I love cokeacola and I cant drink it now, it bloats me, its like all my interaction of things I like are ruined. My overall goal is to get clean, stay clean and help people want to get clean, it is so hard. I have the shakes so bad I cant type so, god bless and I will check in tomorrow. I want to get to the point where I can help other people, I really appreciate bluelight and the people that are talking to me .
I am desperate, feeling like shit, waiting for some relief. I have gone to far to go back to using again.
Thank you and God Bless
 
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