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I Can't Even Land a Date

M

Michael_25

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 19, 2009
Messages
703
Location
Gainesville, Florida
It's a sad state of affairs when I guy in his 30s is still single and cannot receive reciprocation in the form of kindness and sexual attraction from the opposite sex. Do you know when the last time I had a "date"? Back in 2013, I think. No, my standards when it comes to women are not absurdly high; I am not punching above my weight. Nevertheless, the few times I've asked girls out during the past 7 years I have heard a litany or rejections, all of which are in the same vain: "too busy with school", "too busy with moving house", "too busy with helping my sick father", ad nauseam ...

I'm 6"2", Caucasian, 205 lbs and try to stay in shape. As mentioned in the foregoing paragraph, my standards aren't high. I go for cute girls, not models. However, I'm beginning to doubt my own physical appeal. I think the type of women a man gets is a good metric to judge his looks. If a guy is getting flirted with by numerous women, all of whom are attractive, makes it evident that he is attractive. I don't get any signals from the opposite sex. I've tried various social meet-up groups to meet women but to no avail.

I haven't had sex in a long time, as well. I'm talking about 8 years now. I hear guys complaining about getting blue balls after not getting any for 3 months. Hell, once every three months would be swell for me! Try being celibate for 8-odd years and come back to me.

Any advice would be ever so appreciated. Thanks BLers.
 
I can relate to so much of what the OP said & I am in the same boat.
I have come to accept over time most of humanity are horrible & stupid & have accepted I am better off alone.

Sex & relationships are overrated anyway, don't worry about it as it is everyone else that has the real issue but they don't see it.


“there are worse things
than being alone
but it often takes
decades to realize this
and most often when you do
it's too late
and there's nothing worse
than too late”
―Charles Bukowski
 
I find that women are attracted to me mostly because of the way I look at them. Well to be fair they're either put off by it entirely, or feel like it's an intense look of desire.

A lot of attraction is in the body language. So just be yourself and don't over think it because confidence is very evident. Be comfortable in your own skin. I assume after being alone for such a long time you are comfy with yourself, now just do that.. in public. We all got our own style, so don't mimic, just be YOU.
 
I have a similar problem in that I have no problem getting people to have sex with - in fact half the times I've had sex is just because I was pressured into it and didn't really want to - but it's always the same: we'll fuck a couple times and then they don't call back or don't want to "date".
I'm more into romance than sex and REALLY wanna find someone to just date. I'm 28 and never had a relationship last longer than I week. It SUCKS.

Is blue balls really a thing? If so could you not just masturbate?
 
Pofacedhoe -- I now live in a city with a population of just over 2 million ... still can't find one person.

ChemicallyEnhanced: Blue balls are real. Jerking off helps, but it's a poor substitute.
 
Michael_25 said:
Pofacedhoe -- I now live in a city with a population of just over 2 million ... still can't find one person.

ChemicallyEnhanced: Blue balls are real. Jerking off helps, but it's a poor substitute.
Click to expand...

What does it feel like? I don't think I've experienced it.
 
I would say I feel the same ... I’m a female In my early 30s and single. It’s really hard dating now a days. It’s like everyone my age is in their routine n even if they wanna date, it’s like a challenge to actually break routine n do it. To the OP, I would say keep trying to get to know women first and then ask them out. And if you got softly rejected, try again anyway. At this age, we are all about not wasting time. So if the women feel like they know u better or what ur intentions are, they will more likely to take the risk, break routine, and date u
 
I'm in the same boat as the rest of your 30-somethings. Meeting new people sometimes feels impossible and the few dates I do go on don't seem to lead anywhere. The last two women I dated ended up with friends of mine. One was really interested but I was going through some personal shit when she finally showed that interest and didn't want to involve anyone in it. I have this problem a lot where women seem to test me and play hard to get. At some point I get irritated by it and decide I don't want to work that hard or play the games. When I stop giving them attention they show up a several months later wanting to get serious but by that point I've formed a bit of a gruge and I've already decided the person isn't worth getting involved with. I am unsure if this is because they're dating multiple people when I'm investing time in them or that's just women in general.

I missed all the high school/college fun and never really learned how to date. I've always had massive social anxiety and never really considered myself good enough for anyone. I'm also the type of person that was never really interested in random sex and wanted the marriage/kids life from a young age. Probably stems from the fact that my own parents split up when I was young. At any rate talk of that seems to scare away most women so I typically keep it to myself. Most of my female friends go on and on about how I'm husband material and they're shocked no one has locked me down yet. Sadly I seem to have a knack for putting myself in the so-called friends-zone with any woman I spend much time with. Ironically, every time I've had sex in my life was a one-few time affair. I've never had a relationship that lasted longer than 2 weeks.

Moving to the city really didn't help when I did it. I dated no one in the two years I spent living in a major city because I was either at work or tired from work and never left the house on my days off. I worked a very demanding job back then. Plus I wasted my 20s with a massive opioid addiction that I didn't want other people to know about. I was afraid I'd get any girl that would accept that addiction hooked on the pills too like I've seen multiple friends do with their girlfriends/wives. Now that I've gotten over it I feel like I missed out on any chance of having any type of long term relationship due to wasting those years dating oxycodone instead of dating women.

ChemicallyEnhanced said:
What does it feel like? I don't think I've experienced it.
Click to expand...

It hurts a little but it honestly isn't that bad. If you forego taking care of it yourself eventually you orgasm in your sleep. When I was on opioids heavy I would often forget about sex for so long that I would sometimes get this problem.
 
Does any other males here get nervous when you see a hot woman especially when you are crossing on the same path ive always had that I hide it easily though I always pretend to be self focused and like ive not noticed their features
 
^ Chances are she not only noticed you checking her out but she also noticed how you struggle with eye contact/are nervous. This is how many women have you eating out of their hands before you even strike up a conversation.

Be genuinely (and ultimately subtly) confident. It will get you far.
 
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