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I am going through hell.. please help

W

washingtonbound

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 19, 2013
Messages
572
Location
FL
I'm 27 and for the last decade at least I have been dealing with a debilitating mental illness that renders me unable to function in any meaningful way. To this day, the longest I've held a job was two months as a security guard, where all I did was sit and watch paint dry. My mind is my worst enemy and it tortures me 24/7, resulting in prolonged drug abuse and all kinds of other nasty coping mechanisms.

After having psychosis from drug abuse I started to be put on different medications. Most recently I was taking lamictal (200mg/ day) and trintillex (5mg/ a day). This seemed to help a little with the intrusive thoughts I deal with but over time I noticed a reduction in the efficacy. After about two months I observed that a few hours after dosing my mental state would begin deteriorating again. So I started taking the lamictal twice a day which didn't really help much. I began thinking seriously about how I was getting addicted to this crap and how pathetic it was to be taking these pills everyday. So recently I got rid of all of it.

I am about two weeks into not taking this stuff and feel absolutely horrific. I have been screaming and banging my head against the wall everyday and feel like I want to crawl out of my body. I feel not like myself at all and it seems to be getting worse not better.

I could just use some words of encouragement because this has been terrible; I'm also in a foreign country where I can't access those meds even if I wanted to. Just want this nasty shit to be over.
 
ALSO THIS!!!!
Now hear me out, when I was coming off a HUGE Heroin habit & I felt like my body was falling apart, my skin was itchy, my legs were burning etc I played this as I was flat on my bed, earphones in, closed my eyes & just blasted this as loud as possible. It cured me & I'm NOT joking.
These guys are Berber healers, if it could help me it will help you too.

 
I am in a similar situation as you, recovered from my psychosis mostly, but still struggling to live life.

Aerobic exercise (running), daily meditation and spending time in nature has helped me tremendously, more than any medication or therapy has ever done.

I know it sounds like shitty generic advice, but don't write it off until you give it a shot for a few weeks. It does wonders. Our bodies and mind get fucked up by this modern technology and society. It really helps a lot.
 
I just wanted to add that you should almost never quit those kinds of meds cold turkey, you need to taper. If you got rid of everything and are experiencing bad withdrawals you may need to get a new script so you can taper properly.
 
saucygirl said:
I need my Lamictal.

If I don't have it for two days it gets bad.

It seems like it helped you but for some reason you're skeptical?
Click to expand...
As I can see after not having it for a while, it has actually put my brain in worse shape when trying to break the dependence on it. How is it fixing anything when you become a mess without it?
 
I don't know dude make a pros and cons list all I'm saying is there are situations where it might behoove you to take a psychiatric drug
 
washingtonbound said:
I'm 27 and for the last decade at least I have been dealing with a debilitating mental illness that renders me unable to function in any meaningful way. To this day, the longest I've held a job was two months as a security guard, where all I did was sit and watch paint dry. My mind is my worst enemy and it tortures me 24/7, resulting in prolonged drug abuse and all kinds of other nasty coping mechanisms.

After having psychosis from drug abuse I started to be put on different medications. Most recently I was taking lamictal (200mg/ day) and trintillex (5mg/ a day). This seemed to help a little with the intrusive thoughts I deal with but over time I noticed a reduction in the efficacy. After about two months I observed that a few hours after dosing my mental state would begin deteriorating again. So I started taking the lamictal twice a day which didn't really help much. I began thinking seriously about how I was getting addicted to this crap and how pathetic it was to be taking these pills everyday. So recently I got rid of all of it.

I am about two weeks into not taking this stuff and feel absolutely horrific. I have been screaming and banging my head against the wall everyday and feel like I want to crawl out of my body. I feel not like myself at all and it seems to be getting worse not better.

I could just use some words of encouragement because this has been terrible; I'm also in a foreign country where I can't access those meds even if I wanted to. Just want this nasty shit to be over.
Click to expand...
I have been in a similar situation from prolonged cocaine use. Are you from Washington?
 
i would have quit lamictal cold turkey if i were u.
in case u decide to get back on it, talk to ur psychiatrist first and dont restart with ur usual 200mg!
 
mcflurry said:
i would have quit lamictal cold turkey if i were u.
in case u decide to get back on it, talk to ur psychiatrist first and dont restart with ur usual 200mg!
Click to expand...
Bolded for effect.

Did you mean to say "I wouldn't have" quit lamictal cold turkey? That makes more sense considering quitting psych meds without tapering is almost always a bad idea.

If you did indeed mean to say you would have quit lamictal cold turkey then sorry, that is horrible advice for the reason I already stated. Especially considering 200mg is the maximum dose of lamictal anyways.
 
Jerry Atrick said:
Bolded for effect.

Did you mean to say "I wouldn't have" quit lamictal cold turkey? That makes more sense considering quitting psych meds without tapering is almost always a bad idea.

If you did indeed mean to say you would have quit lamictal cold turkey then sorry, that is horrible advice for the reason I already stated. Especially considering 200mg is the maximum dose of lamictal anyways.
Click to expand...
whoopsie my bad. i wouldnt have is correct, thanks for pointing it out!
 
washingtonbound said:
How is it fixing anything when you become a mess without it?
Click to expand...
You can turn that round and ask, if you're a mess without it, then how ISN'T it doing some obvious good -?

You're thinking of a 'fix' only in terms of a permanent cure. Some conditions however don't have cures, but can be managed with medication. Manic depressive patients need lithium. Diabetics need insulin. Etc.
In those cases, a fix is whatever allows you to function like a normal human being.
 
TheUltimateFixx said:
You can turn that round and ask, if you're a mess without it, then how ISN'T it doing some obvious good -?

You're thinking of a 'fix' only in terms of a permanent cure. Some conditions however don't have cures, but can be managed with medication. Manic depressive patients need lithium. Diabetics need insulin. Etc.
In those cases, a fix is whatever allows you to function like a normal human being.
Click to expand...
Well, I guess I am stubborn about not wanting to believe I actually have something wrong with me, and blame it on drugs, the environment etc. I don't feel like pills (whether illegal or legal) are the answer for me.
 
You're not alone friend.
34 here and I feel like an 80 year old women everyday.
Even doing basic tasks makes me ache like a mother fucker. Or I can't get motivated.
Even making a phone call gives me anxiety & then I have trouble speaking & thinking.
Things "normal" people can do without even thinking about it (go to the store, talk on a phone, etc..) is like climbing a huge mountain for me. I hate it.
Some days I'm completely agoraphobic and don't want to seen by another living human being whatsoever.

I've had psychosis temporarily before, but it was always drug induced & I was aware I was psychotic & usually dealt with it on my own.
My issues come mostly from depression, pain & insane panic and anxiety. Few things are effective for it & what is effective is usually 'controlled" & "illegal".
So I've had to accept that I'm going to chronically feel like shit for another 30 years.

I don't blame you for wanting to get away from the antipsychotics & mood stabilizers. I find these drugs kill my creativity, my ability to feel natural pleasure & shut off a part of my "consciouness" that I do not enjoy whatsoever. SNRI/SSRI's also make me sick to my stomach, give me hand tremors & feelings of my insides burning. Obviously dealing with these feelings on a daily basis just makes my depression worse & I end up stopping them.

I tell doctors about these side effects, yet I continue to keep being thrown SNRI's and antipsychotics. It's frustrating & some days I want to say fuck it all & never try for any mental health help again.

These doctors have been conditioned to believe that if some one is "depressed", then it must be a serotonin imbalance & giving them an SSRI will "cure" them, and then when you tell them it doesn't & is only bringing you more issues, they think it's just cause you're not trying hard enough & then go and prescribe something else in the same exact drug class, hoping you'll be ignorant enough not to notice & just comply. I'm sick of it. I feel like I've literally been poisoned dozens & dozens of times by doctors in all honesty.

The last antipsychotic I took gave me blepherospasms daily for 5 months after only 1 dose of it. Can't imagine what would have happened to me if I had kept taking it.
 
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Stopping pills can cause so many problems cut down slowly if your p0rescribed them talk to your doctor good luck .
 
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