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I am going through hell.. please help

washingtonbound said:
I'm 27 and for the last decade at least I have been dealing with a debilitating mental illness that renders me unable to function in any meaningful way. To this day, the longest I've held a job was two months as a security guard, where all I did was sit and watch paint dry. My mind is my worst enemy and it tortures me 24/7, resulting in prolonged drug abuse and all kinds of other nasty coping mechanisms.

After having psychosis from drug abuse I started to be put on different medications. Most recently I was taking lamictal (200mg/ day) and trintillex (5mg/ a day). This seemed to help a little with the intrusive thoughts I deal with but over time I noticed a reduction in the efficacy. After about two months I observed that a few hours after dosing my mental state would begin deteriorating again. So I started taking the lamictal twice a day which didn't really help much. I began thinking seriously about how I was getting addicted to this crap and how pathetic it was to be taking these pills everyday. So recently I got rid of all of it.

I am about two weeks into not taking this stuff and feel absolutely horrific. I have been screaming and banging my head against the wall everyday and feel like I want to crawl out of my body. I feel not like myself at all and it seems to be getting worse not better.

I could just use some words of encouragement because this has been terrible; I'm also in a foreign country where I can't access those meds even if I wanted to. Just want this nasty shit to be over.
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washingtonbound said:
Well, I guess I am stubborn about not wanting to believe I actually have something wrong with me, and blame it on drugs, the environment etc. I don't feel like pills (whether illegal or legal) are the answer for me.
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I've I've read many of your posts. I am very sorry you're going through this. But you have been here before and this will continue for as long as you allow it to continue. I don't mean to sound harsh but nobody can change this for you and you seem to be on the merry-go-round
 
washingtonbound said:
I'm 27 and for the last decade at least I have been dealing with a debilitating mental illness that renders me unable to function in any meaningful way. To this day, the longest I've held a job was two months as a security guard, where all I did was sit and watch paint dry. My mind is my worst enemy and it tortures me 24/7, resulting in prolonged drug abuse and all kinds of other nasty coping mechanisms.

After having psychosis from drug abuse I started to be put on different medications. Most recently I was taking lamictal (200mg/ day) and trintillex (5mg/ a day). This seemed to help a little with the intrusive thoughts I deal with but over time I noticed a reduction in the efficacy. After about two months I observed that a few hours after dosing my mental state would begin deteriorating again. So I started taking the lamictal twice a day which didn't really help much. I began thinking seriously about how I was getting addicted to this crap and how pathetic it was to be taking these pills everyday. So recently I got rid of all of it.

I am about two weeks into not taking this stuff and feel absolutely horrific. I have been screaming and banging my head against the wall everyday and feel like I want to crawl out of my body. I feel not like myself at all and it seems to be getting worse not better.

I could just use some words of encouragement because this has been terrible; I'm also in a foreign country where I can't access those meds even if I wanted to. Just want this nasty shit to be over.
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I send words of Comfort.
Prayers too.

Probably, you should just take the medicine.
I don’t want you to go through that again.

May the stars watch over you l
 
TheUltimateFixx said:
Yet they seem to have helped you..
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washingtonbound said:
I don't see that to be the case when you're in worse shape coming off of it
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I think what TheUltimateFixx is trying to say is that sometimes medication allows us to have a better quality of life and that if they are working properly, there shouldn't be much reason for "coming off of it" at all. If we take our medication properly and stay on them like we are supposed to then we won't have to worry about withdrawals like what you are experiencing. And if you decide that you have to quit, then do it the right way by tapering under a doctor's supervision.

Dude, I've been taking anti-psychotics and anti-depressants or mood stabilizers nearly 20 years now. I chose to have a healthy mind by swallowing my pride and staying on my meds. Of course there is nothing that says you absolutely must take psych meds unless you are under court order. But some of us realize that being on them is much better than being off them.

You said yourself that they helped you for at least a short time then you decided you were "getting addicted to this crap and how pathetic it was to be taking these pills everyday." My advice is to stop letting pride get in the way of admitting you have a problem and doing what it takes to solve that problem.
 
I'm a lot older than 27 and would love to be that age. You're still in the prime of your life and can recover mentally and physically and find the life you want. Best wishes to you ❤️
 
I'm popping in real quick to say I fucking feel you man, fuck meds and fuck taking shit that makes you feel like shit later on.

Meds help me for a while until they start to not.

I'm in the same spirit quest as you. If you believe it, if you can think it, if you can feel even a slight possibility of it, it can become your reality.

What you believe eventually ends up becoming true anyway.
 
Jerry Atrick said:
I think what TheUltimateFixx is trying to say is that sometimes medication allows us to have a better quality of life and that if they are working properly, there shouldn't be much reason for "coming off of it" at all.
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That's exactly what I was saying.
Jerry Atrick said:
You said yourself that they helped you for at least a short time then you decided you were "getting addicted to this crap and how pathetic it was to be taking these pills everyday." My advice is to stop letting pride get in the way of admitting you have a problem and doing what it takes to solve that problem.
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I think there's still too much of a wrong understanding of mental health issues in general. This whole attitude of 'oh it's all JUST in your mind', or that it's some kind of personal weakness or moral failing; that for instance you ought to be able to stop being clinically depressed by simply 'being more cheerful' etc etc. There's an awful lot of self-stigmatisation involved which all comes from the incorrect idea that the mind is somehow an entity entirely independent of the body.

It's more realistic to acknowledge the fact that the mind is nothing but a product of the brain, and that like any other PHYSICAL organ or body part, the brain can malfunction or be otherwise adversely affected. It's no more shameful or 'pathetic' to take say, anti-psychotics to manage schizophrenia than it is to take morphine to manage chronic incurable pain.
 
washingtonbound said:
I don't see that to be the case when you're in worse shape coming off of it
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If you're in worse shape coming off, doesn't that indicate they're performing a needed function -?

PS absolutely NOT the case with certain other things, obviously.
You're in worse shape coming off alcohol and opiates then when you're on them, but this is merely your body chemistry having adjusted to the presence of the drug, incorporating it in its functioning at an organic level, and going through the unpleasant process of re-adjustment. However SOME drugs for certain conditions the patient does indeed require in order to manage said condition, and there is (or there should be) zero shame in that. I look at it in the the same purely pragmatic way as I'll decide a crumbling wall needs some extra mortar to keep standing.
 
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