I need advice.
My first experience with DMT was 6 months ago. I was a heavy heroin user and my connect was out. I called a few friends and finally found someone who knew where to get something to ease withdrawal. So, I drive over, buy some whitish powder, park at the gas station and cook it in the spoon. We (me & friends) pretty much hit ourselves at the same time. As soon as I finished pushing it in, my friend says “DONT DO IT! ITS NOT RIGHHHTTTTTTTTTTT” and his voice started fading away as I shot out of my body straight through the universe. There was no sense of time or reality or even my body. I instantly knew I had fucked up BAD. I was literally a ball of light, energy. After flying through space, I felt like I soared past the universe all the way to the end where there was absolutely nothing but blackness. I felt like there was something I needed to remember but just couldn’t grasp it. Then, it’s like I suddenly realized that absolutely NOTHING is real. There is no planet, no stars no reality. There is only my consciousness, and there has ALWAYS only been my consciousness. I’ve always been alone, in a dark void of nothing. I felt like a ball of light rolling at a million miles an hour wishing I could find the body I used to be in and go back to the blissful ignorance of not knowing this true reality. Every once and a while I would find it and slam back into my body before promptly getting ripped out again. After the 3rd time of leaving my body, I started seeing every decision I had ever made and what would’ve happened if I had made a different decision- I was suddenly every person that had ever lived, experiencing their lives at super speed. It was happy, painful, terrifying, peaceful and every other emotion in rapid succession.
The whole thing lasted about an hour but felt like a million years. I couldn’t function for a month afterward, scared to death I’d be ripped out my body again. It felt like my soul didn’t fit in my body anymore, everything was foreign and like it was only hanging on by a thread. I felt like I knew the secret of existence and wanted to forget it.
Since that experience, I’ve been experiencing severe PTSD. At least once a day, I get a feeling all over my body and feel the experience beginning again. Like every nerve in my body wakes up and I have to mentally talk myself down, that its not real, I’m safe in my body, the drugs are out my system and it’s impossible for me to get ripped out again. I honestly think I have permanently broken my brain.
I went to a doctor and she diagnosed PTSD and social anxiety disorder (two things I absolutely did not have before this trip). I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to fix this.
The only positive from this is that it 100% cured my opioid addiction. Before dmt I was doing up to 2 grams a day. I haven’t touched it since. It reset my brain in that way. I have zero desire or physical need to do it on top of being terrified of ever putting anything in my veins again. Have I broken my brain forever?
My first experience with DMT was 6 months ago. I was a heavy heroin user and my connect was out. I called a few friends and finally found someone who knew where to get something to ease withdrawal. So, I drive over, buy some whitish powder, park at the gas station and cook it in the spoon. We (me & friends) pretty much hit ourselves at the same time. As soon as I finished pushing it in, my friend says “DONT DO IT! ITS NOT RIGHHHTTTTTTTTTTT” and his voice started fading away as I shot out of my body straight through the universe. There was no sense of time or reality or even my body. I instantly knew I had fucked up BAD. I was literally a ball of light, energy. After flying through space, I felt like I soared past the universe all the way to the end where there was absolutely nothing but blackness. I felt like there was something I needed to remember but just couldn’t grasp it. Then, it’s like I suddenly realized that absolutely NOTHING is real. There is no planet, no stars no reality. There is only my consciousness, and there has ALWAYS only been my consciousness. I’ve always been alone, in a dark void of nothing. I felt like a ball of light rolling at a million miles an hour wishing I could find the body I used to be in and go back to the blissful ignorance of not knowing this true reality. Every once and a while I would find it and slam back into my body before promptly getting ripped out again. After the 3rd time of leaving my body, I started seeing every decision I had ever made and what would’ve happened if I had made a different decision- I was suddenly every person that had ever lived, experiencing their lives at super speed. It was happy, painful, terrifying, peaceful and every other emotion in rapid succession.
The whole thing lasted about an hour but felt like a million years. I couldn’t function for a month afterward, scared to death I’d be ripped out my body again. It felt like my soul didn’t fit in my body anymore, everything was foreign and like it was only hanging on by a thread. I felt like I knew the secret of existence and wanted to forget it.
Since that experience, I’ve been experiencing severe PTSD. At least once a day, I get a feeling all over my body and feel the experience beginning again. Like every nerve in my body wakes up and I have to mentally talk myself down, that its not real, I’m safe in my body, the drugs are out my system and it’s impossible for me to get ripped out again. I honestly think I have permanently broken my brain.
I went to a doctor and she diagnosed PTSD and social anxiety disorder (two things I absolutely did not have before this trip). I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to fix this.
The only positive from this is that it 100% cured my opioid addiction. Before dmt I was doing up to 2 grams a day. I haven’t touched it since. It reset my brain in that way. I have zero desire or physical need to do it on top of being terrified of ever putting anything in my veins again. Have I broken my brain forever?