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How you deal with pain vs. How you could do it differently

Could I please just jump into the erikmen/Nixiam lovefest?=D 100% agreed that both of you are wonderful...both for Bluelight and the great big world outside Bluelight.<3
 
Thank you Herby! I agree with Nixiam, you are a role model to most of us. You have wisdom, are caring and a very charismatic person! You have inspired and comforted us in our worse and greatest moments in life.<3
 
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You guys are beautiful. <3

I experienced a slowly ascending 12 year period of pain relatively recently... from age 18 to 30. It centered around my relationship, which always had this element of emotional abuse (towards me) in it. It got worse and worse. 2 years into the relationship I started using opiates and before long I was addicted. I remained addicted and in the relationship until I was 30, and both reached profound levels of agony. I wanted to die every day. Some of the things said here resonated so much with me. I dealt with it by pretending everything was fine for most of that time, and then when that came crashing down, the only way I could handle coping with it was to opiate myself, but my addiction was also a huge source of guilt and shame and disappointment itself, so I felt it was impossible to feel anything but pain. I felt like a shell of a human, I was cloudy and confused all the time, I felt like I was going crazy, but what I was really doing was dissociating and closing in my myself.

Eventually my relationship truly ended, and the root source of the pain and the reason my addiction got so bad was gone. About 2 months later I finally got off opiates, so that source of pain was gone too. And the world has been different ever since. I haven't had another thing to cause me a huge amount of pain yet since then, but what I learned from my experience is that sometimes pain, especially chronic emotional pain, is there for a reason, and that next time I feel that, I can be vigilant to identify its source and work on changing my circumstances, if possible. I ignored it for far too long last time and it ruined my life, for a long time, and it could have ruined it forever had I never finally done something about it.
 
Guilt and shame feed into addictions more than anything else, in my opinion.

It's painful to be like that all the time.

Then it becomes a circle that you're stuck in, acting like a rat on a wheel, reaching for the nearest thing to ease that.

I've found by focusing on self-actualization instead, rather than dwelling on anything I have done when completely dependent on a substance or thing, that I can improve my life and reduce emotional distress.
 
Xorkoth said:
Eventually my relationship truly ended, and the root source of the pain and the reason my addiction got so bad was gone. About 2 months later I finally got off opiates, so that source of pain was gone too. And the world has been different ever since. I haven't had another thing to cause me a huge amount of pain yet since then, but what I learned from my experience is that sometimes pain, especially chronic emotional pain, is there for a reason, and that next time I feel that, I can be vigilant to identify its source and work on changing my circumstances, if possible. I ignored it for far too long last time and it ruined my life, for a long time, and it could have ruined it forever had I never finally done something about it.
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It must be an immense relief knowing that the source of your pain has gone and even better knowing what can trigger other pains.
Interesting fact about pain and how much we can learn from that. For me was the notion that we can adapt to anything, no matter how hard.
And when we do we become stronger. That doesn't necessarily makes us happy but I truly believe we can take just about anything and we'll adapt.
There is saying somewhere that says we don't get more than what we can carry.
 
I sing or say mantras. It creates vibrations that move energy out from the heart. You can also do breathing exercises and yoga asanas/backbends.

It actually works very well when you have a good spiritual discipline. If not, it might not make that much difference.
 
I think you can benefit from yoga and breath work without it having a spiritual component. In fact, I think the spiritual component is really optional for these exercises.
 
swilow said:
I think you can benefit from yoga and breath work without it having a spiritual component. In fact, I think the spiritual component is really optional for these exercises.
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Yes, true swilow. I have been trying to get used to yoga, improve my breathing and it already makes a difference.
I thought I'd try to start with that and later keep on focusing on meditation which can be quite an enriching experience.
 
Xorkoth said:
You guys are beautiful. <3

I experienced a slowly ascending 12 year period of pain relatively recently... from age 18 to 30. It centered around my relationship, which always had this element of emotional abuse (towards me) in it. It got worse and worse. 2 years into the relationship I started using opiates and before long I was addicted. I remained addicted and in the relationship until I was 30, and both reached profound levels of agony. I wanted to die every day. Some of the things said here resonated so much with me. I dealt with it by pretending everything was fine for most of that time, and then when that came crashing down, the only way I could handle coping with it was to opiate myself, but my addiction was also a huge source of guilt and shame and disappointment itself, so I felt it was impossible to feel anything but pain. I felt like a shell of a human, I was cloudy and confused all the time, I felt like I was going crazy, but what I was really doing was dissociating and closing in my myself.

Eventually my relationship truly ended, and the root source of the pain and the reason my addiction got so bad was gone. About 2 months later I finally got off opiates, so that source of pain was gone too. And the world has been different ever since. I haven't had another thing to cause me a huge amount of pain yet since then, but what I learned from my experience is that sometimes pain, especially chronic emotional pain, is there for a reason, and that next time I feel that, I can be vigilant to identify its source and work on changing my circumstances, if possible. I ignored it for far too long last time and it ruined my life, for a long time, and it could have ruined it forever had I never finally done something about it.
Click to expand...

Your perseverence is something to admire. <3
 
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