How to manage a long-distance relationship

[Pagey]

So after spending the summer in Paris with my boyfriend, I'm moving back to London in a bit over two weeks to continue university. We've decided to stay together and try to work this out long distance, but to be perfectly honest I'm absolutely terrified and really dreading the whole thing. It's not that I'm afraid it'll tear us apart, just that he's also my best friend and I have no idea how I'll manage without seeing him for weeks at a time (we'll visit each other occasionally but money won't permit more than maybe once a month). Can anyone who's been in this situation please give me advice on how to cope with a LTR? How to keep yourself distracted and not too depressed, how to keep the 'fire' alive, etc? Thanks.

 

[nooneanymore]

sometimes its best to break up. you're so young and have a whole life ahead of you, why take the hard road and try to prolong a LDR.

make breaking up like taking off a band-aid, fast and quick. its better than slowly growing apart and seeing someone in the relationship fall for someone else.

 

[llama112]

Once a month isn't too bad. No, it's not ideal. Perhaps try to see if you can afford twice a month (once a month you visit him, once a month he visits you). Make the most of the time that you have when you're together - so visit for full weekends, not just one nigh t. Webcam chat is fun as well, webcams are pretty cheap and most computers have webcams in them already. Surprise each other by sending each other things. It doesn't have to be gifts (but those are nice too) but like, snail mail. Write a cute letter, send a pic, and mail it off! Luckily it's 2013 and you have TONS of ways to keep in contact - email, text messaging, etc.

Also, keep yourself busy. Just because your boyfriend isn't around doesn't mean that you can't go out and have fun! I'm sure you already know this, just wanted to mention it anyway though. Keeping yourself busy in general is helpful. When I was with my ex, when we didn't see each other on weekends, I'd still hang out with friends and do things. He would do the same. That type of thing can work. When my boyfriend and I weren't living together, we did see each other most weekends, but there were weekends that we didn't see each other and I did miss him. But I'd still go to parties, hang out with friends, do work, whatever I felt like doing. Keeping your mind off of missing him by being busy is helpful!

 

[pofacedhoe]

if you can meet once a month it might work. it will hurt to be apart most of the time and the distance will require a really strong foundation based on personality and friendship as the sex will be intermittent.

good luck

 

[Maya]

Hi pagey I'm also in a ldr atm and it is tough. The thing though us we have an excellent communication we talk to each other 4 times a day or even more hehe. I think that communication is the key and the constant conversations that will make u miss each other ♡♡♡. I miss him so much!!!

 

[Bearlove]

I did LDR for a few years - each break was few months apart.

Skype is your friend, staying in contact, keeping involved with the day to day (what may sound trivial to others) stuff. I've mentioned in this section before about skype (or other cam /chat apps) - don't just use it as a telephone conversation (how was your day, how you doing) and the usual questions but if you can set a time and just leave the cam on and go about your own things. I've watched a football match with my partner before when we were both on skype - I was chatting with friends online, but still felt like I was watching the match with him. Even if your not watching TV and your both working just having each other in the same room (so to speak) really helps. We used to take photos of what we were eating and send them, even what we were wearing that day (stuff that comes naturally when your together). I feel these personal day to day things help so much more than the BIGGER issues about physical contact etc.

Set your schedule and try and stick to it as much as possible - yeah 'surprise visits' are great but leaves you thinking, I wonder if they are going to surprise me this week, I have a feeling they are coming tomorrow etc (just sets you up for a fall).

Make the time to send a good morning / good night message every day - if you start to skip the basic messages then its easy for the distance / time to creep in.

They are certainly not easy so I wish you luck.

 

[B1tO'RoughJack]

what does he do for work? What is holding him in Paris? Can he move to London?

If he is truly your best friend, then I think I can presume that it wouldn't be "rushing into things" to live together.

I agree with the skype thing though. If it wasn't for skype I would say long distance relationships are doomed.