how to keep your dope friends when you are getting clean?

[Janalied]

I'm on my 7th day without dope and I stoped taking my subs today. I went 24 hours with out withdrawing from either one. I'm very proud of myself, the longest I have gone without dope in 2 years. But I gues its not over yet, all my friends do dope and none seem to want to quit. I don't want to be a loner but I don't want to get tempted.
Should I try to convince my friends to quit, Should I just ask them not to smoke around me, or should I just try to find new friends?

 

[verso]

First, congrats! Seven days without is no small thing, not for a regular user, and so yeah... you should be very proud of yourself.

I'm not sure how you might keep your friends because you likely will find yourself in a situation where you are tempted to use again. I'd like to ask you whether or not you have anything else in common with these friends other than dope, but truthfully, even if you do, well... I know how these things go down, and it's likely that your friends will want to get high no matter what you guys plan on doing for that day. It's not fair to you and not fair to your friends, really, because they're not where you are right now and asking them to not use around you or whatever is just not going to happen. So this is where your two paths diverge.

If it were me, I'd use the time to meet new people and explore new things. I believe very much in reinventing oneself, turning over a new leaf, and so on; and while you may not (and perhaps should not) change those personality traits and whatever other quirks you may have that are so deeply a part of who you are, you can certainly make some big changes.

I'd read a new book, go out to eat at a new restaurant and try a new cuisine: Indian, Thai, Vietnamese, Ethiopian..., go see a movie or a concert, take a walk to somewhere you've never been before, take a short trip to somewhere you've never been before... Does this make sense? It might sound hokey, I know, but you might like it. It can be like a breath of fresh air to do something so different when you've been doing the same thing for so. so long.

Best of luck to you! And please, report back to let us know how you're doing.

 

[LogicSoDeveloped]

I've been wondering the same thing-at a lesser extent of course with pot. All of my friends smoke heavily and I'm trying to figure out ways to not want to smoke cause I'm around just about everyday.

 

[Doctor X]

If you hang out with friends who use, you'll probably end up using again.
That's why they tell you in rehab to make new friends. Your friends that are using aren't going to not do it because you're kicking.
This doesn't mean turn your back on your friends just let them know that you won't be hanging out while they're using.

 

[DroneLore]

I've been wondering the same thing-at a lesser extent of course with pot. All of my friends smoke heavily and I'm trying to figure out ways to not want to smoke cause I'm around just about everyday.

I found the temptation to smoke around my friends pretty easy to resist after a while, although I did have to spend about a month holed up in my room at first. Can't comment on H though, that shit tends to call out much louder.

 

[LOGan1314]

Just let them know what you are trying to do and if they still use in front of you...they aren't your true friends.

 

[Nightlites]

Ive been in ur shoes, and I tbought I could kick it with my old peeps after I was clean 7 months, soon as I got there that was the topic of talk : dealers, runners, random shitty dopesick waiting stories n old times using together...
Personally I relapsed.

Id say go find a girlfriend, lotta homies disapear after they get serious with a girl...
U can do anything with ur chick u could with ur old homies, but u can also have sex! Lol huge plus lol

Idk, personaly id keep my distance... If I would have deleted all my #'s I wouldnt have relapsed 7 months later. Jus my 2 cents

 

[burn out]

You can keep your friends (depending on your will power) but you need to also find new ones who dont use dope. If you only hang around people who do dope all the time, that is just not a good environment even if you manage to stay sober youll always be tempted. we as humans, copy each others behavior.

 

[34-dihydroxyphen]

It's not worth hanging around them til they get clean. I've basically abandoned all the friends I grew up with because they are still using oxy and heroin on a daily basis.

It isn't out of fear of temptation, I'm on Suboxone and I have successfully chipped before while on it, and I can do it again, although I am hesitant to as it seems like the more I chip the harder it is to make the jump back onto Suboxone, with the withdrawals becoming increasingly worse no matter how much Suboxone I take, and having to cut down on Suboxone again being a pain in the ass as well (I like to be at 2mgs a day in order to have the option of getting high available to me).

I'm worried my friends might rip me off in their junkie stupidity. I've had people rip me off who I wouldn't have believed in a million years would rip me off because they were using opiates, people I grew up with and had always been friends with (although not my absolute best friends). And I had to hurt them to attain my peace of mind (more important than the money is the principle, and if somebody fucks with me I need my peace of mind). They endured some fucked up shit because of what they did, and I feel bad about that. I don't want that to happen with my absolute best friends (or at least the people who were growing up, I don't even know what is going on with them now). I don't know if I could hurt them if they ripped me off, but I would rather not find out.

So fuck 'em. If they come around I'll come around. But I'm not going to allow them to do anything that will fuck any chance of us ever hanging out again as friends.

Having a girlfriend makes it a lot easier. It's a good suggestion. Making new friends can be difficult, as most people aren't as fun as your old junkie friends. Nobody else knows how to party the same way, except the young borderline alcoholics, but they are a bunch of blowhard assholes. Reconnecting with some people you grew up with and haven't talked to in a few years is a good idea. One on one conversations about missing years are never boring.

 

[xstayfadedx]

Its hard to do... I was clean for a few months but of course if you remain friends with people who use they're always there.... There to help you in your time of need and there to help you get back to your old ways. Meaning when you go fuck it I want to get high and there's no stopping me....your friend will be like you sure man, I don't know? But of course then next thing you know your in their car going to cop dope. Shit, if I stayed away from my friends who were using I probably would still be sober right now (I mean not a great excuse) but instead I'm back in the dope game. Instead of worrying about meaningful stuff I'm worrying about that new connect, who's selling? And budgeting my money for drugs... I blew a few hundred on drugs already in a day. How pathetic... I stopped for a second and know I can go back to being clean but can only do that if I drop these "friends" but right now I'm not ready to do that.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

It's easy to keep your friends with a few basic rules...

1) let them know what is acceptable and what isn't. If you don't want to see them IVing, let them know that. If you can't be around heroin dealers or dope in real life, tell them to leave it at home, or shoot up away from you and don't nod out in your presence willingly, etc. - so on. If that shit triggers you, of course.

2) Let them know you don't want to just talk about using anymore, because, you're over it, whatever.

3) Find something else to do fun!!! If you have nothing else to be friends with that person over, you may find there's little/nothing else to discuss/have fun doing. However, there's tons of non-drug related activities that are extremely enjoyable.

4) If you have nothing else to do, buy a bag of weed to smoke, so you have something non-physically addictive to enjoy.

Don't let other people using get you down. Realize they will also have withdrawal symptoms to deal with that are severely unpleasant, and remind yourself constantly why you wanted off in the first place, why you wanted a greater control over your hard drug intake, and so on - never give up hope in a stronger you.

lastly...

5) if you find yourself relapsing , cut out the old friends until THEY get clean too. :D

 

[wcote]

Just be talking to me uncle about staying clean and the like.

Me and him agreed, burn every bridge you have to do with the drugs.

They are your friends, and being clean its painful cus you have to make new ones which aint easy......

but they are too much of a risk to yourself.

YOUR THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON. Getting and staying clean is selfish, and never seeing those friends again is selfish.

But do it for yourself..... delete numbers.....

Its down to you in the end.

Peace.

 

[verso]

Yeah, I have to say, C.H., that I'm surprised by your response although I respect your opinion and always have.

It just doesn't seem plausible to me. I used to be more into the scene than I am right now, hanging out with some serious addicts who spent nearly all of their time, money and energy on dope. If your friends use more than just occasionally, then I wouldn't think it very likely that one would be able to hang out with them and do the normal, everyday sorts of things without dope coming up, one way or another.

I think that, for this to be the case, you would have to be very much committed to staying clean and your friends would need to be weekend players, "chippers" to the umpteenth degree. But that's just my two cents...

 

[LilbabiC]

When I was trying to get clean I had to temporarily give up my using friends. When I was strong enough to be around them, I found out that we didn't have that much in common and the friendships just died down. Except for one friend who decided to get clean a year after I did.

 

[Tommyboy]

Yeah, I have to say, C.H., that I'm surprised by your response although I respect your opinion and always have.

It just doesn't seem plausible to me. I used to be more into the scene than I am right now, hanging out with some serious addicts who spent nearly all of their time, money and energy on dope. If your friends use more than just occasionally, then I wouldn't think it very likely that one would be able to hang out with them and do the normal, everyday sorts of things without dope coming up, one way or another.

I think that, for this to be the case, you would have to be very much committed to staying clean and your friends would need to be weekend players, "chippers" to the umpteenth degree. But that's just my two cents...

I agree. This seems to work itself out when you get clean, or at least cut back. A few months ago, my call history was all drug users/dealers. Now that I barely use, I barely talk to them, and there is maybe 1 drug friend in my recent 10 calls at a given time now. They're not going to call me to see if I feel like going for a joy ride to the ghetto while they cop 100 bags of heroin if they know I'm not getting any. They are not calling me to pool together cash with them to buy weight, because they know I rarely do dope now, and when I do, I just get 1 or 2 bags.

Just work on staying clean, and the rest of the stuff will work itself out. As much as I loved the thrill of hopping in the car and going on a dope run, it gets old fast, and it's time to move on. I never planned on keeping or losing any of these dope friends, but like I said, it worked itself out.