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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

How to keep happy?

trammies said:
Personally, I'd have to say regular exercise is without a doubt the best thing for improving your mood and happiness throughout day to day life. :)
The main difficulty is actually finding the motivation in the start, but once you get going it's brilliant. Like 2 hours or so in the gym, proper exercise.
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sp true. a few good walks in the snow have really got me feeling happy. Sport is good for the soul
 
Treacle said:
It's helped me get through a very rough month or so. Focussing on yourself, and how you feel. If you don't think you look good, then you can really work at changing it, and it can really make you feel good. That was my angle, anyway. It's generally good for getting out aggression and making yourself tired, if you have trouble sleeping.

Trammies: Sorry to hear about your surgery. Hope it's nothing too major.
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that's right. remembering you are important; to yourself and others. You are important capable and strong. You don't have to say a certain way because people say : "oh swim/n you're so _________."If you want to be different or be youself you have the power.

(snap the power 19880
 
yeah liking what mugz was saying - especially the second rule about not taking things personally. If you can do this, and its not easy, then the effects on your social circle can be huge. To put another way, integral to the definition of someone who is "hard work" is someone who takes everything personally. eg. You're late for the bus so you havn't got time to stop and chat with someone you bump into. The next time you see them you can tell there is a little resentment there. This type of person i find hard work. I don't shut them out though because that used to be me. I hit rock bottom 3 times in my early 20's and pretty much used buddhist theory and meditation to keep me in the game. Anyway, i'll just slip in a little piece i read from a monk called sumhedo if i may. Its funny because not only did he attempt to refrain from taking other peoples actions personally, he even refused to take many of his own ruminations and thoughts seriously too, instead preferring to grant this internal chit chat with about the same level of significance you would do to a couple of noisy neighbours yacking pure piss chat the other side of the fence. Works for me anyway.
 
Even though I've now completely sobered up after months of overly persistant drug abuse and even more so than usual lately I'm going to meet a mental health nurse or go back to my addiction councillor by the weekend.
 
For the first time since our break up I've felt like I can do this... whatever "this" is... today.

I've had to rely on keeping busy for the past week but today, with not much to do after work, it wasn't so bad. I wrote her parents a letter saying thanks for all the hospitality when we went over there. Didn't feel too bad.

Still a slight hint of regret over not being able to fix our relationship, but I need to remember that she proper fucked me over and I, lord of the squirrels, deserve a queen fit for a squirrel.
 
working out does wonders after a break up.

i'd also say meeting new people. Get out to bars and clubs and just socialize. Relationships tend to make people a bit secluded and cliquey and if you start to meet new people, get into other social circles, try new things you wouldn't have done while in the relationship, you'll start to feel like maybe the break up was a good thing, as it allowed you to have all these new experiences and meet all these new people.

Also, bear in mind that just cause someone seems over something, doesn't mean they are. People themselves can think they are over someone/ something for ages, then can be so sure that you were a waste of time and everything's better now,but then something happens (generally a future relationship fucks up) and they'll remember how good you were to them, and that actually really there was a a lot of good things about your relationship, and then they'll start to wonder why they ever even broke up with you in the first place.
 
RLP said:
For the first time since our break up I've felt like I can do this... whatever "this" is... today.

I've had to rely on keeping busy for the past week but today, with not much to do after work, it wasn't so bad. I wrote her parents a letter saying thanks for all the hospitality when we went over there. Didn't feel too bad.

Still a slight hint of regret over not being able to fix our relationship, but I need to remember that she proper fucked me over and I, lord of the squirrels, deserve a queen fit for a squirrel.
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finding nuts. that makes me happy. no need for warnings with me. i seek out the nutty food willingly.
 
^ buying cholcolate and then finding out that you are a winner...of a bar of chocolate...couldn't decide between the peanuts or the coconut chocolate yesterday. the good lord guided my hand to the peanut one and i have one another bar of chocolate, simple as..no go to www. swap the wrapper for a bar of chocolate. fair deal
 
I've been feeling agitated recently and I invoked a bit of a fight with her today. It felt good but at the same time I felt shit for doing so and when she gave it back I just made efforts to diffuse the situation with my old niceties which made it all pointless in the end.

I told her I needed to stop talking to her, that it was unfair on me whilst I still hadn't adapted to our lack of relationship and that space would give me chance to build myself up without her. So I have removed her number from my phone (I don't know it off-by-heart) and I have removed her from facebook. We work together (albeit in different offices) so it may be difficult to avoid all conversation. We share some friends too.

Whilst I now feel I've got past the denial, bargaining and anger stage of this, now I just feel lonely. Stage four feels like its on the way.

This is proper shit.
 
It's at this point on page 5 I should probably apologise for making EADD a really sad and annoying place to be in this thread.

I'm bored of being sad now.

Anyone got any hobby ideas I can take up? Thinking of getting a road bike and doing that.
 
You brought cheer to us with your charming squirrels... you certainly haven't made EADD sad or annoying, and you've not really moaned much considering your shitty situation. Glad there seem to be some rays of light already.
 
If you got fucked over, fuck them. Don't contact them, don't waste your time to be disappointed as you will be. Well done for making that decision, as I assure you it's the right one. :) Don't bother fighting why cause yourself unnecessary stress? Start using that time to get together with old friends, go out more, work out at the gym or just start lifting weights. I couldn't eat for ages after my experience and lost a load of weight, once I started to pile that back on it was muscle instead.

I understand that probably sounds harsh, but said it once and say it again don't mug yourself. It took me a few weeks to realize that and I wish I had known it from the beginning, but we all learn from experience. So for whatever you might consider a mistake you made a few weeks down the line don't blame yourself for it. It's normal to feel lonely, some people, such as myself just have the want for a person around all the time and it's a massive change to go from that to not. Whether I was in a relationship before or not, if I was sitting alone for long periods of time I'd feel lonely. Remember to consider that, as it took me a good few months to click onto that and I wish I had sooner. I didn't miss the person, I missed the comfort of a relationship/'companion'. Of course some people out there, (think the likes of Spade possibly but not 100%) are the complete opposite.

Hope things improve, it goes up and down and whatever you do don't touch benzos. I swear to fuck, seen it happen with others too, they make the whole 'single' thing feel worse by 1000x. If you saw the likes of my posts when I've been coming off them and been at complete rock bottom, in comparison to how I feel when I'm not on them and have a sober perception on things its insane. To the point were I've had to go back and edit posts. People I know who have ignored this advice seem to take much, much longer to get over the relationship.

Cycling was a real good one for me, headphones in, cycle about head is cleared and good exercise. Only problem is the snow/weather here at the moment has stopped me being able to go for a run/cycle. I'm not much of a gym guy myself. Sleep lots too - not drug induced though.
 
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Really liking what you wrote SpecialK about cutting people out that fuck you over. I noticed when you said that what you were saying might have sounded harsh that you're perhaps coming from the sort of position similar to me. Its just that on so many situations when i was younger i would see someone acting in a way that seemed harsh at the time, however, when i saw the bigger picture and how learned how deceptive some people can be without it being obvious to others i learned to see things more clearly. I have a hunch that growing up feels a lot like this to relatively truth oriented people. Its got nothing to do with toughness of character or anything else, its just that people who are naturally less likely to try to manipulate people and use others tend to be more trusting as a result. What can you do but assume that others in the world see it roughly like you do right? Not that i'm an expert or anything but it certainly seems plausible to me.

Definitely agree with whay you say about benzo's. With the exception of alcohol, nothing has had a hold over my life like benzo's have done in the past. I broke up with a girl around 2 years ago, maybe 3, whenever gbl and mephedrone got banned. It was hideous because we were both working full time right under each others noses. I wasn't so much depressed as the thing had fizzled out over a fair amount of time, but i was extremely stressed as she was a take no prisoners type who just did everything she could to complicate every aspect of my job. What i'm getting to is what SpecialK was saying in the opening part of his post. Even though my ex was the one that was fucking me around, because of my nature it was always my tendency to feel guilt over hurting her, which is what i think made her act the way she did. I could definitely have weathered the storm had i held my own more but i just didn't have the social intelligence or whatever to deal with it at the time. The fact was that i had sort of had a couple of years of isolation and depression before i got that job and i sort of went into the work environment very naive for a 25 year old. I always went out of my way to help people, like covering shifts (don't laugh), not siding with one set of people rather than another - in fact i went out of my way to be friends with the ones that got bullied by the cooler girls especially, whether i liked them or not. Anyway, the reason i used the word storm as that when things fell apart with this girl, she had a lot of other girls on the cafe (it was a restaurant) who then turned on me to try and be more popular etc.. The worst thing i realised was that even though it was unconscious, the people i had been nicest too stuck the boot in the hardest, as if all the things i'd done for them had identified me as someone who could be easily deceived and disposed of should the time come. When i left is irrelevant but things came to a head and i quit, without leaving notice or anything. The sub plot to all this however is that at the very same time i quit i was finishing off the last few ambian pills - of a box of 60! I had been taking tramadol and gbl daily thoughout the whole time i was there anyway so i was used to a lot of the bullshit, but i had sworn myself off benzo's due to previous addictions. The months after that where not pretty. I had no job, still a few hundred quid left i had saved, which i invested in more ambien and other benzo's, and bottles of gbl! I got so bad on that stuff that 20ml was a good day for me.

Ok so i'm not sure exactly how useful all of that was, but atleast RLP you can be confident that you are not the only one capable of penning a sob story on BL. Ha i'm just kidding. At the end of the day, we all have bad times and the stuff we write is gonna reflect that, but we're real people, even if we happen to look like typed words and squirrels or whatever. Next time you'll get to cheer someone else up when they're down. I also want to emphasise that the story i told about myself was loaded with positives. And i learned so much from all the negative situations, whether it was about being more careful about telling people i barely knew that i did pills at the weekend, to learning how to say no more - actually i don't do that either, "i'll have to get back to you later on that mate" works just fine as a response to a request to cover someones shift. Most importantly you get tougher, whether you like it or not. In a way that makes that easiest and the hardest part at the same time.
 
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