Generally speaking, in all serious realtionships I have encountered and have been in, me and the guy i was dating have almost always has undeniable chemistry physically mentally and emotionally and moved way too fast in all areas. These relationships never worked out because I was not taken seriously, and me and the fellows were not on the same page when it came down to what we wanted in the near and later future.
How do I hold off with sex in relationships, take it slower, and still let the guy know that I want to take it seriously, and I want sex (when it is to come, to be cherished and respected) and not just given. Is that too much to ask for as a young female seeking a male in his mid twenties, and how do I let men know this once we pursue something more serious without coming off too harsh and scaring them away knowing that they will not get to "hit it" as they some may say.
Basically I am asking how to let a guy know what it is I want from him, and how to compromise with him, without getting to attatched too soon.
I want to make note that I do not have a problem with sex early in the relationship, but it seems to spoil the possibility of a long term relationship if we get involved too quickly into it. Guys tend to think I am slutty and not girlfriend material, although I want to somehow let them know I am looking for a relationship
Let the guy know that you do want sex, just not right now -- and don't just leave it at that either, or else he'll think you're just saying it to reject him nicely. Give him some kind of a time frame, like say "I usually don't have sex with a guy until I've known him for at least like a few months" (or whatever your time frame is).
Make sure that in his mind he knows that you'll have sex eventually, just that now isn't the right time.
If you're willing to or ever in the mood, talk to him about sexual stuff on the phone so he'll know it is something you think about and want. Get to be comfortable with him talking about the subject, so he'll know that you're truly trying to be honest and sincere.
Honest successful communication is the best thing you can do.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, don't turn him down or try to change the subject when he starts talking about sex (guys really hate this); although you might be thinking that its best not to talk about it so you don't build up his desire for sex by putting it on his mind, this really isn't the case. Guy's don't work like that, and we really don't "get our hopes up" for sex that way. When a guy does gets his hopes up for sex, it doesn't matter whether its on just a date with a girl or with a girl he's known for a long time, he will still get just as upset that he didn't have sex (whether he tells you or not).
Guys are kind of like a light switch:
off/on. If you let him talk to you about sex, you're actually helping him turn himself
off more than likely, as opposed to
on. He probably has a lot of pent up desire for you, and letting him talk to you about sex let's him get it out.
Hope all of that helps, sorry I know it's a lot of text lol.
Also PS, if you don't mind me asking, why don't you want to have sex? What's stopping you from doing it with him? It's pleasurable isn't it? Isn't it really just two people arbitrarily moving certain body parts together? If you're wearing protection or birth control, there isn't really anything bad about it.
Ah, I read in your post that you don't want it to ruin the relationship. If you go about having sex the right way, this won't happen at all. It seems like sex is traditionally portrayed as just some boring ritual that is a part of every day life, and people are worried that its abnormal to think of sex as anything more than that -- this is wrong. If you get interested/excited about sex with him, and act almost like you're curious about it and want to try different things and fetishes, then you can look forward to having a very strong, loving, and enjoyable relationship with him at a very personal and comfortable level, while also letting him get what he wants
