crzydiamond
Bluelighter
I wish i could "LIKE" this 1000 times. OP--listen to this girl. You won't get better advice on this issue
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how to deal with being unequal to girls? :(
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I wish i could "LIKE" this 1000 times. OP--listen to this girl. You won't get better advice on this issue
You're beating yourself up a lot here regarding lack of sexual experience - fair enough you are 29, but you could have another 60+ years ahead of you having mind-blowing sex. There must be millions of people in the same boat as you, there will be girls out there that are also inexperienced and around the same age. I take it you masturbate a lot for a release and probably have a unhealthy porn consumption, just like a teenager? All the stuff in the majority of porn is complete bullshit, it's time to get your dick out of your hand and go on Tinder or something! If it's been so long since you've had it then expect the first few times to be a little 'awkward', or not the best sex you're ever going to have. Stop all of this bullshit about 'catching up' - sex doesn't work that way, you could be lucky and the first chick that comes along could be compatible and your first sexual experience other than a prostitute could just work, and you'll be banging away like a pornstar all night, she'll be thinking 'wow, this guy rocks'.
You can't judge how good a person will be in the sack from the way they look or how many partners they have had. Sometimes people have good sex and sometimes people have bad sex.
You can't judge how good a person will be in the sack from the way they look or how many partners they have had. Sometimes people have good sex and sometimes people have bad sex.
Not sure if this point was made already but it's a very good point to make. Not all sex is great, and not all sexual partners are great together. People have different chemistry together, different anatomy too, different bedroom desires and so forth. Your point about the porn is also a good point and probably deserves repeating in this thread. Basing your expectations and assumptions of sex on porn and what you see in hollywood productions is a one way ticket to disappointment. I mean not once have I ever seen a sex scene in a hollywood film where the woman queefs, someone gets cramp, or anything else.
I think everyone here has given good advice and perspective, but you also need some tough words too. You're self obsessed, and your solo sexual escapades (pretty certain you're not celibate) are keeping you locked into a spiral of negative thinking, bordering on delusion. You are projecting what you believe sex is all about based on movies and suggestions from media, not from actual reality. You are also making grand assumptions about the internal state of people having sexual experiences when you have no idea what is going on in their heads. My close female friend, according to your view, is 'winning' at life.. but I assure you she is not.
Stop whining and go have a sexual experience without a prostitute. Figure out how to get to that point.. work out, work on your personality, whatever it is. Do it. The sooner you do it the sooner you'll realize you were wasting time lamenting over something which is pointless to lament over. It is dominating your thoughts and that is a brutal waste of time and energy.
You don't even need to leave the house nowadays. You could download an app like Tinder or Badoo and be hooking up fairly quickly, as long as you don't act a weirdo or be pushy when talking to women on these type of apps, they can work well if you use them well.
Or, if you want to go down the old fashioned route - go to the local nightclub/meat market, where everyone is out to get drunk and have a shag. Don't worry about your lack of inexperience, everyone has been there, it doesn't matter, it's not like you don't know what to do or anything. You've been with prostitutes, so you still have some experience of being intimate with a woman.
The first time might be bad or good, remember that, if it's bad who cares? I guarantee everyone has had more than one poor sexual experience, for a variety of reasons.
Or, if you want to go down the old fashioned route - go to the local nightclub/meat market, where everyone is out to get drunk and have a shag. Don't worry about your lack of inexperience, everyone has been there, it doesn't matter, it's not like you don't know what to do or anything. You've been with prostitutes, so you still have some experience of being intimate with a woman.
The first time might be bad or good, remember that, if it's bad who cares? I guarantee everyone has had more than one poor sexual experience, for a variety of reasons.
Its not about being good or bad in bed. Its about having done things or not. Having been brave or not, to get yourself biggest pleasure and art of life. I was not. DO YOU UNDERSTAND, that for all those girls and people its normal to do things i can only see in movies? Do you understand this?
What can i talk with that girl with which i can meet next weekend? She was already at so many places (dubai, europe, egypt). i was nowhere...do you understand the difference here? How much richer she is because of this and the experiences and adventures she had?
Therapy doesnt give facts away. Facts what all those cute girls alived in youth. How many times they had sex. I can't go over this simply. Its facts, its numbers, its statistics! I am not person to lie to himself, i am objective realist. Therefor, therapy is useless, because facts always stay, how much those girls had sex and enjoyed their youth, prooved they are more capable then me, because they could have sex all their youth, so its not even something special to them anymore. This show greatness of a person for me.
I am thinking about to move to new city next month, but i dont see a point of moving to other city, if i am marked forever anyway and can never have sex with all those beautiful girls out there, because they alived so much. I go through city and with every girl i see on street i think how much she enjoyed sex so far, that she has done all the things we see in movies or that she wants to do them, because we must experience it, to show our greatness as a person, because we must do things that media is telling us.
What can i talk with that girl with which i can meet next weekend? She was already at so many places (dubai, europe, egypt). i was nowhere...do you understand the difference here? How much richer she is because of this and the experiences and adventures she had?
Therapy doesnt give facts away. Facts what all those cute girls alived in youth. How many times they had sex. I can't go over this simply. Its facts, its numbers, its statistics! I am not person to lie to himself, i am objective realist. Therefor, therapy is useless, because facts always stay, how much those girls had sex and enjoyed their youth, prooved they are more capable then me, because they could have sex all their youth, so its not even something special to them anymore. This show greatness of a person for me.
I am thinking about to move to new city next month, but i dont see a point of moving to other city, if i am marked forever anyway and can never have sex with all those beautiful girls out there, because they alived so much. I go through city and with every girl i see on street i think how much she enjoyed sex so far, that she has done all the things we see in movies or that she wants to do them, because we must experience it, to show our greatness as a person, because we must do things that media is telling us.
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JessFR
Bluelight Crew
She is not inherently richer or braver because of that
All she did was travel, now I'm probably the odd one here, but I don't see how that's interesting.
I live in Australia, and absolutely everyone here travels constantly, all seeing the same things, all being tourists, all getting drunk and taking selfies of themselves at places. So what?
Why is that interesting? Or brave? Anyone who's lived on the street will likely have far more interesting stories and far more worth talking about than your average tourist. My point here is I fail to see how doing the same things everyone else does is interesting.
Say you'd gone to those places too, how would you have more to talk about then? Lines at the airport, lines to see the sights. Staying at a crappy motel. Doesn't seem to me like much to talk about. Interesting stuff worth having a conversation about usually involves either interesting experiences, by which I mean actually interesting experiences, like unusual things that happened involving you, as opposed to the same experiences half the population had. Or mutual interests, which require no experience.
Have you considered that by her having gone to these places and you having not, you'd actually have more to talk about than if you'd both gone. Since she can tell you stuff you didn't already know.
I know you feel like not having experienced that stuff makes you feel inferior, but it doesn't. Doing the same things everyone else does, because everyone else does it. Makes you a sheep, a follower, that's not what id find interesting personally.
You are not marked forever and doomed to be unable to have sex with pretty girls, and you know why? Cause virtually no one cares about this except you. Nobody out there's going "well I was going to have sex with him but he didnt copy everyone else by going overseas to the same places I did so now I wont". This is why people keep telling you its all in your head. Because no one else is thinking it. Your freaking out about it and sabotaging yourself as a result.
Therapy is not useless to you, It only feels that way, which I told you it would. Do it anyway.
You think all those people out having sex in their early 20s are happy because of it? They're not. Many are miserable. Others are indifferent.
A lot of people didn't have the same experiences you didn't have, but they aren't doomed and never have sex because of it and throw their life away over it.
This is all in your head.
Again
THIS IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD.
Your objective facts and statistics are totally meaningless, how you feel about them is the part that matters. And how you feel about them is the part that doesn't reflect reality. How you're reacting to it is totally irrational. You think you're the only person to miss out? The only person to be nearly 30 and feel like you didn't do enough in your 20s? Cause most people feel like that. Its never enough. Jf you'd had sex and did all that shit then you'd be one of the ones whining about how you didn't spend more time on your education or career. And if it weren't that it'd be something else. Its very normal to feel that way. It's the extreme of your reaction, and obsession with sex and copying tv and movies that's unusual.
Movies and tv isn't stuff worth copying. You're trying to be a sheep, try and be you, stop trying to copy others and emulate other people. Learn who you are and be you. Cause that's much rarer, more interesting, and more worthwhile than what you wish you had.
All she did was travel, now I'm probably the odd one here, but I don't see how that's interesting.
I live in Australia, and absolutely everyone here travels constantly, all seeing the same things, all being tourists, all getting drunk and taking selfies of themselves at places. So what?
Why is that interesting? Or brave? Anyone who's lived on the street will likely have far more interesting stories and far more worth talking about than your average tourist. My point here is I fail to see how doing the same things everyone else does is interesting.
Say you'd gone to those places too, how would you have more to talk about then? Lines at the airport, lines to see the sights. Staying at a crappy motel. Doesn't seem to me like much to talk about. Interesting stuff worth having a conversation about usually involves either interesting experiences, by which I mean actually interesting experiences, like unusual things that happened involving you, as opposed to the same experiences half the population had. Or mutual interests, which require no experience.
Have you considered that by her having gone to these places and you having not, you'd actually have more to talk about than if you'd both gone. Since she can tell you stuff you didn't already know.
I know you feel like not having experienced that stuff makes you feel inferior, but it doesn't. Doing the same things everyone else does, because everyone else does it. Makes you a sheep, a follower, that's not what id find interesting personally.
You are not marked forever and doomed to be unable to have sex with pretty girls, and you know why? Cause virtually no one cares about this except you. Nobody out there's going "well I was going to have sex with him but he didnt copy everyone else by going overseas to the same places I did so now I wont". This is why people keep telling you its all in your head. Because no one else is thinking it. Your freaking out about it and sabotaging yourself as a result.
Therapy is not useless to you, It only feels that way, which I told you it would. Do it anyway.
You think all those people out having sex in their early 20s are happy because of it? They're not. Many are miserable. Others are indifferent.
A lot of people didn't have the same experiences you didn't have, but they aren't doomed and never have sex because of it and throw their life away over it.
This is all in your head.
Again
THIS IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD.
Your objective facts and statistics are totally meaningless, how you feel about them is the part that matters. And how you feel about them is the part that doesn't reflect reality. How you're reacting to it is totally irrational. You think you're the only person to miss out? The only person to be nearly 30 and feel like you didn't do enough in your 20s? Cause most people feel like that. Its never enough. Jf you'd had sex and did all that shit then you'd be one of the ones whining about how you didn't spend more time on your education or career. And if it weren't that it'd be something else. Its very normal to feel that way. It's the extreme of your reaction, and obsession with sex and copying tv and movies that's unusual.
Movies and tv isn't stuff worth copying. You're trying to be a sheep, try and be you, stop trying to copy others and emulate other people. Learn who you are and be you. Cause that's much rarer, more interesting, and more worthwhile than what you wish you had.
JessFR, its not about that if you alive good things or not at travel. Its about doing them! So you have numbers. Even if its boring, its just important you did it. Its important you have new mark on your list. The same with all sex fetishes and different stuff. People do it, because they want numbers and try different things out, because its important to do this, to have fullfilled life. Thats why so many girls at 18 are experimenting and did already so much these days. Its norm these days, to try as many things out as possible. To do as much as possible in life. Facebook is proove.
Offcourse people dont care about this, because its normal to do it for them!!! If they would be in same skin as me, they would understand how it is to not have lived. Otherwise they can't. Understand please, you dont understand this feeling. Only people in same skin, who didnt have life until 29 can understand. Only people who were all the time at job and at home in room.
Offcourse people dont care about this, because its normal to do it for them!!! If they would be in same skin as me, they would understand how it is to not have lived. Otherwise they can't. Understand please, you dont understand this feeling. Only people in same skin, who didnt have life until 29 can understand. Only people who were all the time at job and at home in room.
^ lots of people have been in your position and can understand. they also made changes and improved their outlook and changed their lives. and lots of people care. your thread has 47 responses.
if people didn't care - on some level - you'd have no responses.
in fact, it's pretty shitty to post on a forum looking for help and inviting feedback and opinions and, when you get (nearly 50 of) them, turn round and tell people they don't care. don't you agree?
do you understand that the things you believe to be true aren't objectively true - they are only true because you believe them to be true. so, from there, do you agree that you could choose to believe something else and that would be true? i can't speak for him but i expect that's exactly what jessfr means when he tells you this is "all in your head".
maybe you don't really want help with this - maybe you just want to tell everybody that they can't possibly understand what you're going through and continue your pity-party and feel sorry for yourself? if that's the case, you may be better posting in a blog instead of on a discussion forum.
are you interested, at all, in considering that the way you're feeling can change. if, on some level, you want it to? that, at very least, it's a possibility?
alasdair
if people didn't care - on some level - you'd have no responses.
in fact, it's pretty shitty to post on a forum looking for help and inviting feedback and opinions and, when you get (nearly 50 of) them, turn round and tell people they don't care. don't you agree?
do you understand that the things you believe to be true aren't objectively true - they are only true because you believe them to be true. so, from there, do you agree that you could choose to believe something else and that would be true? i can't speak for him but i expect that's exactly what jessfr means when he tells you this is "all in your head".
maybe you don't really want help with this - maybe you just want to tell everybody that they can't possibly understand what you're going through and continue your pity-party and feel sorry for yourself? if that's the case, you may be better posting in a blog instead of on a discussion forum.
are you interested, at all, in considering that the way you're feeling can change. if, on some level, you want it to? that, at very least, it's a possibility?
alasdair
I mean that people, girls outside dont care what a guy alived or not. I didnt mean people on forum.
How are things i believe not true? Do you read statistics? Do you see pairs outside when you go into shopping center or in the park? Do you read forums what girls write about sex? Do you see pictures from parties? Do you see movies, which represent outside world? Watch erotic movies, not porn. Watch writtings about sex in media. How wild youth today is. Watch FETLIFE!
I would nothing rather then start new life, but if you look from realistic point of view, i cant catch up to those people anymore. Numbers tell it all. How many times they had sex. Be realistic, be objective and watch numbers. Leave emotions out.
How are things i believe not true? Do you read statistics? Do you see pairs outside when you go into shopping center or in the park? Do you read forums what girls write about sex? Do you see pictures from parties? Do you see movies, which represent outside world? Watch erotic movies, not porn. Watch writtings about sex in media. How wild youth today is. Watch FETLIFE!
I would nothing rather then start new life, but if you look from realistic point of view, i cant catch up to those people anymore. Numbers tell it all. How many times they had sex. Be realistic, be objective and watch numbers. Leave emotions out.
crzydiamond
Bluelighter
There is always going to be someone who has had more than you (experiences, sex, or whatever)
There is always going to be someone who has had less than you.
That is life. Accept it. Move on, stop competing, and find happiness in things that don't involve comparing yourself to someone else
There is always going to be someone who has had less than you.
That is life. Accept it. Move on, stop competing, and find happiness in things that don't involve comparing yourself to someone else
Pretty_Diamonds
Bluelight Crew
OP, what you to achieve or change with this thread? What do you need/want from us? What can we do to help you?
i think if you assume that movies are an - or maybe the only - accurate reflection of reality, then you're not looking from a realistic point of view.
again, maybe you don't really want help with this - maybe you just want to tell everybody that they can't possibly understand what you're going through and continue your pity-party and feel sorry for yourself? if that's the case, you may be better posting in a blog instead of on a discussion forum.
are you interested, at all, in considering that the way you're feeling can change. if, on some level, you want it to? that, at very least, it's a possibility?
alasdair
Nothing we can do to help him imo..it's entirely his decision if he lets the past haunt his mind or if he chooses to get out and meets girls now..I see where he is coming from, he missed out on certain milestones that make a man feel likea man..sex with women, dates with women, spending the night..once past a certain age, the damage is done and u can't go back to experience those things..sure, he could get a girl and spend the night at her place but it's not even close to the experience and feeling of doing this when you are in your teens..I see where OP is coming from but he puts much too much emphasis on sex..much more to life than sex..this is just something he will have to figure out..trust me OP, sex is verry overrated...
I am interested, but there is no way out unfortunately. One and one can never be three. The same i can never be equal to all those girls if they had all those numbers in youth. You dont know how it is, if you know all those girl have done things i see only in movies and for them its something so normal as eating bread. Do you understand this?
I would believe you what you talk, if there would be not so many evidence which say opposite. Just read media, forums, i talk with girls online. Now i talk with one 20 year old girl on fetlife, who has done all fetishes she ever wanted already, had many sex partners. For me she is goddess. She lived life to the fullest.
For me she is a young slut who I wouldn't touch with a barge pole. But each to their own.
I think people who think like that are only jealous, because they dont have such rich sex life as them and are not so brave as them, so they want to make them less worth with words. Its human nature, unfortunately.
well, you seem to have all the answers. odd for somebody so unhappy and asking so many questions.
good luck.
alasdair
good luck.
alasdair
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