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how to advise a friend who's boyfriend wont stop looking at porn?

one has to be a serious douchebag to not bother hiding porn from their girlfriend, unless she was into it. i am insecure and probably BDD, so i hated to find porn on my boyfriend's computer. it pissed me off. still, i was going looking for it. hidden files, etc. (before he learned how to hide them better or really stopped for a while). since then i have learned that the general consensus is your boyfriend pretends not to look at porn and you pretend to believe him. that is good enough for me. someone who can't even do that, is a cunt she should drop anyway. this is apparent even without the propositions which is just kind of...alarming she is still with him.
 
melsarmic83 said:
For starters, I must say it disgusts me some of people attitudes on this subject!
They are in a relationship right? I am in a similar situation myself which is at the extent of full secrecy where he now has passwords etc to hide the contents on phone/iPad.
The point is, she doesn't like it. She isn't asking him to chop off a limb!! For whatever her reason is for not liking it, surely he could stop it or at least hide it so she isn't suspecting anything.. especially since he clearly thinks viewing porn is so much more important than the arguments it's causing in their relationship.
True, it's human nature but when it's beyond occasional/rare than it's obviously going to cause problems.
My solution? Talk. If that fails & he won't consider her feelings.. withold sex. Tell him to go get his computer out!!
There's more than one way to skin a cat right & us girls can have more fun on our own for a while if it means proving your point & getting it across :)
Another idea for her, go hard & download movies of well endowed guys & show him how he like it!!
I wouldn't be having a baby with this man, he sounds like a very inconsiderate, selfish & sick individual, IMO.
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Are you serious? It's porn! Your solution: "withhold sex?" And: "The point is, she doesn't like it." The fact that she simply doesn't like it is the point now in your opinion, is it? Yeah, great attitude you got there :\ So I suppose his right to have the freedom to simply masturbate in privacy and without a guilt trip doesn't fit into the equation here? What makes you think you have the right to control another person's healthy sexual fantasies? And what do you think you'll gain out of this? You think he'll love you more? Want to cheat on you less? I mean, I just don't understand what the problem is! Can you explain it to me?

I'll never understand women like you. What on Earth makes you think that you have the right to control your partner to this extent? Do you not value him as a person in any way, shape or form? I find it ridiculous that you're insecure enough to be worried about him watching porn - you should probably see someone about it. Such insecurity will ruin relationships. My partner and I both watch a fair amount of porn and this certainly does not mean either of us love each other any less.

"I am in a similar situation myself which is at the extent of full secrecy where he now has passwords etc to hide the contents on phone/iPad. " Your relationship is in trouble, and I can guarantee that ti's due to underlying issues such as insecurity, lack of trust, guilt-trips, bitching, lack of freedom etc. If he chooses to watch porn, then that's his choice! He did it long before you, and will do it long after. Just deal with it, or you'll push him away. We're all entitled to our own fantasies and to explore our sexuality in peace, as long as it is not hurting you, you either join in like a good girl, or you stay the hell out of it.

No offence lady, but you're the kind of woman that gets repeatedly cheated on and never figures out why.

Sorry for ranting, but this sort of attitude is what gives most women a bad name.

EDIT: Just saw your last post about this topic:


melsarmic83 said:
I completely get where she is coming from & I dont believe it has anything to do with insecurity.
Before I met my fiancé, I had about 10 pornos & watched them regularly. Not long after we met I stopped watching mine as I preferred to just have the real thing.
He had lots & lots of porn dvds (which I threw away) downloads on his pc & it did start to get to me as I felt I wasnt good enough for him & that was the reason he needed to watch porn/look at pics of other women.
I have argued about this so many times with my fiancé!!
I simply made it very clear that what I didnt know didnt hurt me & if he was going to keep watching then to do it in his own time, without me having any knowledge what so ever.
Although its going behind my back, I dont know so it causes me no harm.
It comes across as being insecure, but it is different.
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You get together and you think you've got the right to throw away his stuff? Wow. It's not his fault that you're insecure. Leave him alone, and sort out your own issues.
 
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melsarmic83 said:
"the point is, she doesn't like it. She isn't asking him to chop off a limb!! ...surely he could stop it or hide it so she isn't suspecting anything..."
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The point is he DOES like it, and she should accept that or move on after trying to COMPROMISE(n this case she needds to find outthe root cause of his compulsive porn viewing - there WILL be (a) deeper issue(s).##I agree with the rest of your post...except the hiding or stopping part. He shouldn't be the only one to compromise his behaviour, she needs to grow up and maybe find some tasteful erotic and loving porn they can watch together, like women masturbating or people fucking outdoors etc.
Jean-Paul said:
one has to be a serious douchebag to not bother hiding porn from their girlfriend, unless she was into it. i am insecure and probably BDD, so i hated to find porn on my boyfriend's computer. it pissed me off. still, i was going looking for it. hidden files, etc. (before he learned how to hide them better or really stopped for a while). since then i have learned that the general consensus is your boyfriend pretends not to look at porn and you pretend to believe him. that is good enough for me. someone who can't even do that, is a cunt she should drop anyway. this is apparent even without the propositions which is just kind of...alarming she is still with him.
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Putain de merde - seriously why should any of us hide it?! We shouldn't - not all porn is bad, and if you don't like it find another fucking boyfriend. Don't expect a guy not to like looking at otherwomen - you should go find a gay dude you can be fag-hag to if you want that.

There should be no secrets - NO SECRETS - in a relationship...there should maybe be things omitted, not on purpose, but if something is asked, an honest answer is the way, and one shouldn't go around hiding your habits from your SO, otherwise you will never know for sure whether they are accepting the real you - that's awful.

Jean-paul - I suggest you remedy your BDD if you think you have it - it's not easy but it's possible within a few years.
 
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