• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

How to act around new girlfriend

bighooter

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
1,660
Basically i've been a 'druggie' for nearly 10 years now (im 24) and have only ever had 3 relationships (the longest lasted 1month) and that was with an alcoholic girl with lots of mental problems and hence probably why that relationship lasted the longest. As I too have mental problems and hence why im asking a question like this.

The other 2 girls said I was like a robot and was over within a matter of a week or 2 at most. In the sense that im just too distant/ not your normal type of guy.

I suffer with depression and anxiety, maybe psychosis however I havent been diagnosed with it. From being on so many anti depressants and probably drugs in general have basically turned me into a cold hearted robot with no emotions or so i'm told.

Now the thing with this new girl is that I like her and I have been told she really likes me and wants to give it a damn good go.
But Ive been going out with her a couple days and we're always with a mutual mate so I havent really had time to get to know her properly I still feel like we dont really know each other.

We cuddle up n kiss n stuff so I sorta show affection by caressing her n sh1t I guess, but when it comes to actually talking to her I dont relaly know what to say and where to go from here.

What sort of plan is there to follow? Or will we get closer after we've had sex?
As at the moment I just feel like we're not bonding as much as one would expect.

However shes got really bad self esteem, is very shy, has been in a abusive relationship so shes quite timid and quite hard to talk to.

I just need a bit of help please guys as I dont want to mess things up as I see this girl as the one thing good ive got going in my life and dont want to screw things up.

I mean for example what do you do in normal relationships? (at the start) i.e playfight, kiss, cuddle, talk about what she likes, what shes doin etc....

I just need some guidance, thanks my dear friends. PEACE.
 
For people that are shy I'd imagine watching movies together or any activity that requires the primary attention to be on something other than you two conversing would be good. It allows you to be around them and become more comfortable in their presence, talk a little bit and try out light conversation without having to worry about awkward silences, and gives you both something to focus on so you don't feel pressured right away to be talking all the time or constantly trying to impress the other.
 
Have sex with her as soon as possible. Sex creates a physical bond that girls are biologically programmed to acknowledge. Than immediately take advantage of the connection that you just established and get to know her, she'll be much more willing to open up to you. Show interest in her passions and remember the little things, but at the same time don't be afraid to bring her into your world and share your hobbies with her. Avoid anything resembling a traditional date (dinner, movie) there is far too much anxiety and expectations that are associated with something like that. Instead, keep it simple by going for a walk with her or inviting her over to cook up some dinner (even if its just mac n cheese or ramen). As far as how to act, find the fine line between being dominant, confident man and just being an asshole. Tease her like you would tease your little sister. Above all else just have fun and exude confidence in everything you do
 
Last edited:
Have sex with her as soon as possible. Sex creates a physical bond that girls are biologically programmed to acknowledge. Than immediately take advantage of the connection that you just established and get to know her, she'll be much more willing to open up to you. Show interest in her passions and remember the little things, but at the same time don't be afraid to bring her into your world and share your hobbies with her. Avoid anything resembling a traditional date (dinner, movie) there is far too much anxiety and expectations that are associated with something like that. Instead, keep it simple by going for a walk with her or inviting her over to cook up some dinner (even if its just mac n cheese or ramen). As far as how to act, find the fine line between being dominant, confident man and just being an asshole. Tease her like you would tease your little sister. Above all else just have fun and exude confidence in everything you do

I second Carl Sagan's advice. This man is wise in the ways of the poon. The reason why girls get into and stay in abusive relationships is the same reason they get into and stay in any relationship - for example, a relationship with YOU. And that reason is - they just can't help but love the guy! And where does that love come from, you ask? Here comes the golden nugget of wisdom: A woman's strongest love is born when she believes her man is a man of value, a man of high social status, a man who stands out from the crowd and who can be her rock and lead her through the stormy seas of life. Forget what chicks say about "sensitivity", "listening" and "being an independent woman". Sure, you need some of that but nothing gets a pussy wetter than a confident leader. Be that confident leader and you will always have your choice of loving female followers.
 
Well I guess I kinda screwed up royally then because today I went and seen her and her 2 mates who are currently living with her went out for the day but instead of making a move I bottled it and we just sat there and watched TV for a few hours.

Then she moaned about how boring it was and decided to go to her mums, I am sat at home now thinking of killing myself I am a utter discrase of a man, what on earth is wrong with me.

I think because shes kinda depressed at the moment coz shes going through a bad patch in her life as shes had her baby took off her and social services are deciding whether or not she can or cant have him back in 2 weeks.

But anyway her low mood sort of put me on a bad vibe today and I just felt emotionless I couldnt even touch her I just felt dead of all life.

I have suffered with severe depression and anxiety for years now and can only think this is why I feel so void of emotions and so awful at human relationships/interactions.
 
You don't have to force yourself to be a macho Don Juan regardless of what anyone says. She obviously likes you the way you are enough to spend time with you. Just keep spending time with her until you're comfortable enough to open up more or make your move.

The only thing that helps people with social problems like that is practice. Eventually it becomes easier. Killing yourself over a chick is never a cool movie. There are plenty of skirts in the world to chase even if you fuck up with this one.
 
You don't have to force yourself to be a macho Don Juan regardless of what anyone says. She obviously likes you the way you are enough to spend time with you. Just keep spending time with her until you're comfortable enough to open up more or make your move.
absolutely.

op, i know it's really hard to not do it, but you're spending way too much time thinking about this and planning it and second-guessing her responses, etc. you're making this so hard for yourself and setting yourself up for failure because you'll never live up to your own (or everybody else's) vision of how things are 'meant to be...'

take a breath and get back to basics. like gm says, stop worrying so much about how you think you should behave and just get on with being you and spending some time with this girl you like.

alasdair
 
Well carl. There is only one problem with creating a strong bond based on the chemical reaction of a physical exchange/enmeshment.

She may not be a good fit for Mr. Hooter in an intellectual or emotional sense. Sure, people can and do stay together for the hot horse play, but I get the impression that the OP may be looking for something a little more substantial and stable than that.

This is all in my opinion based on all the information presented up to this point.

:)
 
Last edited:
Maybe you should tell her what you basically told us. That you like her alot, but you have trouble relating to other people.

Whether you feel this strongly or not, it is something almost everyone has gone through, and I would wager that she would instantly connect with you about this on a deeper emotional level.

Carl Sagan is a great physicist, but terrible relationship adviser. Do not have sex with her until you are comfortable in each others presence and have determined if your emotional bonds are worth pursuing or not.
 
Be that confident leader and you will always have your choice of loving female followers.
how do you suppose he does that given his issues?

you can't just tell somebody with depression and low self-esteem "be more confident" and expect them to magically be more confident :\

alasdair
 
im looking at ur other posts and all im gonna say is lay off the psychadelics. they depersonalize u. get sober stop wacking off and be the man u wanna be on the inside natural confidence and taking the pussy not asking is the way to go. well make sure its mutual rape is bad and couldnt really be that fun ne ways.

be dominant and coy at the same time its how i do it and i aint even that great looking but great looking on the inside!
 
It took me over two years to fully recover from the social anxiety issues I developed from heavy drug abuse. It's definitely not a quick or easy process.
 
Why don't you invite her on an actual date? Go do something different with her. Don't just sit around and watch TV. Going to a movie is even more interesting. Or go out and do something. Go for a walk. Go out for dinner. Go bowling, play mini golf, do some sort of activity like that.
 
"I like her and I have been told she really likes me and wants to give it a damn good go"

This is what I assumed to be true

"What sort of plan is there to follow? Or will we get closer after we've had sex?
As at the moment I just feel like we're not bonding as much as one would expect."

This is what I was addressing
 
Then she moaned about how boring it was and decided to go to her mums, I am sat at home now thinking of killing myself I am a utter discrase of a man, what on earth is wrong with me.

I think because shes kinda depressed at the moment coz shes going through a bad patch in her life as shes had her baby took off her and social services are deciding whether or not she can or cant have him back in 2 weeks.

You gotta be extra careful with your emotions when dating a single mother.
Sometimes the problems might not have anything to do with you at all, but you will continue to beat yourself up trying to figure out what went wrong.
Take my advice about single parents: You will always be #2
 
Top