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how soon is to soon to begin dating

sconnie420

sconnie420

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 9, 2012
Messages
1,185
Location
midwest
So long story short my bf of 8 years officially broke up w me..I'm no where near ready to get into another relationship, but I would like a companion..if it leads to more so be it but I'm not really looking..I guess I'm just wondering what's a good time frame to start dating other people? He has already been on numerous dates w different girls, and no this isn't a compatition btwn us.. also I've been out of tbe game so long, where do u even meet decent men at..the dating sites I've browsed look, very unappealing as far as selection goes.. I'm no where near over my ex, but need to do something to move forward..working on myself is a given.

Any advice would be helpful as I've never been in the position I am now..I dnt wana be single forever.I'm getting older and am looking for a life partner, if it can't be my ex it has to be someone...
Where do u meet good men? How do u find a man who doesn't want kids? Any good tips for getting over a ltr?
 
once you can feel happy without being in a relationship, and are comfortable in your own skin, then ur ready i guess
 
You can date whenever you want. You don't have to follow any type of timeframe :)
 
Ya, this is my first breakup w/ a ltr..so any tips for over coming is appreciated..hopefully I never have to go through this again. I'm ready to start settling down, which hopefully don't scare them away..
 
Mysterie said:
once you can feel happy without being in a relationship, and are comfortable in your own skin, then ur ready i guess
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Totally 100% correct. I know it's a super lame answer (from your perspective) but it's so true. You can't commit yourself to another person without being whole yourself. If you do, you're only setting-up yourself and your future partner for heartbreak. Not cool. But if you're just out and having fun (and you disclose this to whomever you're hanging with) then no-harm no-foul. Enjoy yourself :) But whatever you do, do NOT talk about your ex. Talk about you girl (or let him talk about him if he's interesting enough).

I know that the end of this relationship may be shocking...which will be followed by anger and resentment shortly thereafter...but you have to remember that it didn't work...and the signs were there all along. You just failed to see them due to attraction, love or some other judgment-clouding emotion. It's all good though, we've all been there. ESPECIALLY ME.

Believe me, just because he's seeing other people does NOT mean that he is over you. He has a void that he's trying to fill. Plain and simple. He's grieving over the loss of the relationship while simultaneously adjusting to the new life he's created for himself. Don't trip on him. Focus on you. And make sure that the next time he sees you, you're better than when he left you. This is a must!
 
ive been asked out twice today..my friends brother is hitting on me..I can't say I care fornit to much, makes me a uncomfortable..good for the ego but very uncomfortable.. time to work out the stress is killing me.. I miss my man, and am not ready for this..
 
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Get out drinking with your friends, flirt and have a laugh. When your ready to start dating - you will start dating - there is no hard and fast rule.
 
sconnie420 said:
Thanx..ya that's my plan..I have a casual date on saturday, it wont lead to anything but...I guess we'll see how it goes..jst sux.I want my man back..
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You broke up for a reason though - yeah the nice bits were nice but it seems the bad bits outweighed them (for one of you at least) Take something from the breakup though - I could have done this, I should have said that etc - this is what I want etc.

Good luck with your casual date - who cares if it leads to anything, a bit of attention never hurts ;).
 
Ant..I'm definitly going to do that before i get into any thing serious again.. I'm defintely learning a very hard lession from all this..and its one I don't want to have to go through again..hopefully the next bf I have will stick around..
 
sconnie420 said:
Ant..I'm definitly going to do that before i get into any thing serious again.. I'm defintely learning a very hard lession from all this..and its one I don't want to have to go through again..hopefully the next bf I have will stick around..
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I'm really nosey - why did you break up? After the break up what did you learn about yourself / your partner?
 
The break up is a long story..I learned I need to just chill the fuck out..I need to let go of control and face the abandonment issues I have..my partner well, idek what to say.. I just found out he's going on his 2nd date w this girl he met last weekend..it makes me so fucking sick.. I'm so sad now..this sux!
 
Keep busy. Hang out with friends. Go out. Party. Do some fun activities (hobbies of yours?) Go to the gym. Focus on work.

Maybe you'll meet a guy. Hang out casually. You don't have to get into anything serious.

It does seem like you're still a bit hung up on your ex, which is expected, so it might not be great to jump into a serious relationship right NOW but that doesn't mean it can't happen in like a week or a month from now!
 
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