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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic

How much of a loser am i

That's right, I agree totally. It's a tough condition but it doesn't make you a looser.
People can judge, label, call you names but only you have the power to let this be absorbed;
Fight for yourself. People respect that.
Most of us have been or is in your spot right know. The longest you wait, the harder it gets.

Just try to stop and you'll feel better about yourself. Turn this situation so that you win at the end.
You can do whatever you set your mind to. If you want to stop you will stop.
Just deal with it. It's a difficult battle but it's build by small steps one after another.

You can turn this around!!
 
Feeling a little better after reading your responses and I would like to thank you all for your input. I had a decent quiet weekend and that really helped me a lot.
 
Yeah, I had real trouble with MDPV. I was on that for 4 years and didn't imagine I could ever live without it (had taken some other stimulant drugs before, including Meth and never had trouble with them, for that reason you could say I encountered that unprepared, was hooked after 2 days(!)). I was addicted to opioids before, but could do my job with that. MDPV almost ruined me. Then, in 2012, I hated my life so much, that I made an decision and kicked it. The first year was very hard and I needed more time to recover, but I made it. Today it is illegal, but I think it would be everything but impossible to get it (more expensive, but still available). But I don't do it. So it's not missing sources, it is MY WILL not take it anymore and I am VERY confident, that this won't change! Now of course my Life is still absolutely not perfect: Now I have the same problems I had before I was hooked by MDPV, but since I recovered, I have a real chance to work on them! And in the end even now, with all those problems unsolved, I yet feel so much better and I am happier, than in 2008-2012!

But the point here is: When I was most down I had still my family and friends who helped me and gave me confidence and solace. Without that, I wouldn't have been sucessful! For sure!

So: Use the chances you still have. Maybe they are gone if you wait too long!
 
Fenta,
It seems that you have been through a lot!
I'm sorry you are feeling lonely. What happened to your family and friends? If you don't mind me asking.
We'll be here. Use your experience to keep yourself healthy again.

A precious and simple thing you can do for you; one day at a time, baby steps always forward.
If it's too much time, do it every hour until you make it through the day.
We all have had our share of bad experiences. You can do this!

Good luck! :)
Erk
 
Hi Erik,

thank you for your words! But I think you misunderstood me - I have family and friends. What I meant was: I had lost much, but I still had them who helped me out. But I often feel lonely for another reason: It is because of the woman I fell in love with when I was 13 (this was almost 20 years ago) and she still lives 10000 miles away (and is married). I at least established contact 2015 and come to terms more or less, but it isn't easy and I miss her so often! I want to establish at least a (real) friendship for some collaboration.

And hell, you are right, I should use my experience and knowledge to do more! I definitely should establish healthier sleep-patterns. But I'm someone who loves the night and it's attractive to stay alive then.
I'm glad I'm off MDPV but now I have to solve all that Problems. I can't do anything against the yearning for love, but I have to defy things like procrastination, escapism, pessimism, perfectionism and a few other things. Maybe an ADS treatment would help! But there is also another problem: I'm interested in many technical things (for instance electrical engineering (I'm even a bit familiar with installations in the US, although I've never been to the US yet), security issues and many topics relating computers), pharmacology and a few other topics. I have competence and experience there, but it's impossible to become a specialist on every area, but I have a problem to decide. To give something high priority. So I try to do all and everytime I see that someone is more competent an any of those areas (even if he isn't in others) I think I'm still not good enough and have failed. And that feeling is such a motivation-killer and leaves me depressed. That's not a constructive way of thinking, but I feel a bit helpless, how to handle that *?*

My basic problems had their beginning in my early childhood (I was not completely unhappy, but often it was a disaster), they are not drug-related.
 
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Hi Fenta,
I know these feelings can make us feel lonely and sad. I'm sorry to hear you are going through this now.
I live far away from people who I love and it takes time to adapt, specially when after you see them again.

It's great that you are off MDPV. It's normal to go through all these phases. But with time it gets better.
Don't put yourself down. You are skilled and being depressed makes us thing we can't be what we wish to be.
It's common to happen when you quit but it slowly gets back to your life.

I hope you get better soon!!
Erik
 
Well after this 4 day binge I don't feel so bad after all. Avoided any psychosis with low doses. A lot of your words meant a bunch to me and thanks
 
Just remember that you are not a loser. You can change this and we'll help you as much as we can.
Remember that it's all up to you!
Good luck! :)
Erik
 
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