TL,DR: my experience with smoking cigarettes and getting super baked on weed with strong coffee for the past couple months. my story might be more intense than the average person because i have schizophrenia.
i've just been smoking cigarettes and smoking weed.
i smoked a couple packs of cigs before the winter and then went the winter with out smoking and didn't have a problem with it. i have been smoking a couple cigarettes a day. i skippped smoking for about a day a couple times, but i've mostly been consistently having nicotine a couple hours after i wake up and not having any cigarettes before bed.
i don't really crave cigarettes when i'm not smoking them in the evening. i get high on weed and do physical therapy as if i were doing yoga. it feels good. i think my adrenaline is probably higher. there is definitely a specific feeling. if i constantly do body scans and monitor my breathing, my muscles don't really get tense. i have spinal arthritis and get some negative symptoms when my muscles tense. i've mostly been feeling healthy up until very recently. what i believe is a rise in adrenaline feels good. i just lay there listening to music or ASMR. listening to the ASMR i can feel my muscles relaxing more than if i haven't been smoking cigarettes. it kind of feels good
very recently i started doing some more intense exercise, what i call tai chi hip hop jogging. i do made up languages along to the radio in hip hop esque beats and get into some really good breathing patterns doing tai chi with my hands and i can jog a lot longer than i can as a normal person would jog just breathing in and out with out the rap flow..... ... .... .. i noticed when i started light walking even with out raising my adrenaline which i started doing a couple years ago now and consistently keeping up with that i sleep less, but it's healthy... with the more intense exercise, i find myself sleeping less.... i had to wake up for an anti-psychotic injection, and was only sleeping like 4-5 hours for a few nights. i would like to sleep longer - i normally sleep between 8-12 hours, but i'm at the point where i need to shit while i'm sleeping a short time, and can't get back to bed after waking up to take a shit. i drink coffee when i could take a nap to try to stay on a schedule. i have some appointments with my psych team. the day before yesterday, i woke up to get an anti-psychotic injection after only sleeping a short time. it's a very small injection dose of haldol. it normally doesn't bother me at all, even when i was on higher doses. now that i'm on a lower dose and exercise it doesn't really affect my sex drive. it's really not doing much. i'm not sure if it's causing me pain with the cigarette withdrawl though.
anyways, yesterday i woke up needing to take a shit again and instead of trying to go back to sleep or relax and nap because i wanted to stay on a schedule, i had a dose of coffee and pot... i went for my usual walk hoping to do a long walk and get into a healthy flow. i smoked a cigarette because i thought the withdrawal or slight adrenaline boost that i get a couple hours later would assure i didn't nap... the cigarette felt good, but a few minutes i made eye contact with a kid that was probably in middle school and i look like a weird hippy. he was kind of smiling. anyways, this got me thinking about the economy crashing and i got really dizzy. it was partially psychological, but definitely because of my drug induced and sleep deprived energy.
i have a thread in the longue of BL about how crying relaxes me and i get insomnia. i've been describing getting off anti-psychotics and crying more. it hasn't really been bothering me, but with the little less sleep from crying and also what i described in the first paragraphs of this post, my brain chemistry is really bizarre. i don't think i'm going to smoke cigarettes. i described how my muscles noticeably relax when doing ASMR, but i don't feel the tingly euphoric sensations as much. i've actually been thinking that cigarettes are kind of more enjoyable and i could just listen to the ASMR and space out with out the bizarre euphoria. sometimes i still get the sensations, but it's not as prevalent.
i've been getting way too hyped smoking cigarettes though and i can't get on a schedule where i'm not waking up to shit after not sleeping long enough. i think if i didn't have to wake up for appointments and just went off schedule with out the consistent coffee drinking, which i could do in the future cause they are gonna let me stop taking my meds and keep social security (they just have me on them now because my parents want me to take them living with them), that i could keep smoking cigarettes and it might be an alright lifestyle... i don't think i'm gonna smoke very often in the future though. i might not smoke at all... i originally started up again because i put weed at the tip of cigarettes to hide that i'm smoking weed. i have to move to federal housing and won't be able to smoke a lot of weed. i thought adding cigarettes with weed at the tip would be a helpful way to get through the day. i think i could, but i don't know if it's really worth it. i think i will just smoke less and deal with not always having an oral fixation going, which is something that helps me...
i was reading that it takes three months for people's dopamine levels to return to normal after a medium amount of smoking. i'm gonna see how i feel about that or if it is noticeable to me... i was writing in the first paragraphs about how i didn't feel too bad skipping a day with nicotine. i don't think on the second day that my dopamine levels are really dropping as much. i'm not sure if there is any science to that, but i've been feeling really achy with my spinal arthritis a couple days after not smoking. if it really takes 3 months for dopamine levels to return to normal, i believe that i'm experiencing less adrenaline. that i like the adrenaline from the initial stages of withdrawal. that it is even helpful to me, but after the adrenaline rise that comes hours or a day after smoking goes away, i believe i'm noticing the lower dopamine, and it's causing me to ache a lot. i feel really dizzy too with the sleep deprivation.
anyways, i woke up again today after only sleeping like 4 hours cause my father was taking me to grocery store. i feel pretty shitty. i was describing how korn was helping me with some of my pain, but today most of the engaging music i was listening to isn't really helping me. writing this post is helping me get into a good flow. i've spent about an hour on it. i don't think i'm going to go for a walk. i'm afraid of passing out.. i used to go hard taking stimulants and smoking weed and stay up even longer and get dizzy. i didn't really give a fuck if i passed out and got hospitalized. i bet i could go longer with this sleep deprivation, but i don't want to mess up. i've been in trouble a bunch of times and don't want the authorities to think i'm having problems. i don't know if i could get banned from smoking weed or something cause i'm passing out in public. it just doesn't seem worth it to me to make a joke about my life anymore.
if i notice i start to feel remarkably better within the next couple weeks, i'm not sure that i'll ever smoke cigarettes again. i definitely won't all the time. i fucking love the taste and smell of camels though. cigarettes and just having a pack is fucking cool too.
for the rest of the day, i'm just gonna smoke a bunch of pot and try to get into a groove with playing some folk guitar and singing today. i was playing really well the past few nights going kind of crazy from my brain chemistry. always doesn't work that well, but i'm kind of pleased with what i'm doing.. if i weren't injured with the spinal arthritis and getting dizzy, i'd be into going nuts all the time exercising and doing music and art with the cigarette with drawl. i love the adrenaline.. i have schizophrenia and HPPD. i've been getting more frequent and cool hallucinations. it's actually really cool. i like it a lot. i hallucinate a lot anyways when i'm not withdrawing from cigarettes too though. idk, it's just been really crazy. it's almost like i'm on acid.
anyways, probably no more cigarettes for me. just weed and coffee.... when i move to federal housing and have to smoke weed less, i'll probably cut down on the coffee i need weed to chill out the coffee buzz.
