Added some more to my chemical breakfast:
15 mg morphine, ir
400 mg tramadol
100 mg hydroxyzine
0,5 mg alprazolam
A fat joint, with both black soft hash and white widow, plus a couple of bong hits
Feeling better than expected. Really content, mildly euphoric, but most of all content: free from the stress of having to do something, or -- and this is often the reason for the 'having to do' part -- to constantly distract oneself to avoid being alone with one's thoughts, interior complexities, worries, and so on.
Been textning all day with the girl i spent the weekend with, mostly in my bed. She will want to fuck again cos got we got (another friend,
most of the time asleep or half-asleep. He is her ex; and only stayed one full day) yet it was epic (likely boosted by me taking benzos, making more caring, stress-free, fluid; she does not take benzos) cos i constantly, and for a reason, kept her on the verge of an orgasm, then finally, the last day -- she had a magical orgasm, my sheets and the fact that she
messaged me that the sensations from my unique way of handling sex, since it's not an act, it's beautiful; although she found it frustrating that i made her wait, but texting me later and the next day me that shes still extremrely horny from the weekend.
Don't know where this i going. She missed me at the train station (our trains leave around the same time, so we used to talk and wait on the train together; i met her this summer but has not until now really known her on a rather superficial, friendly level) but i started work later today.
According to my friend -- who is her best friend -- that she was extremely attractes to me.
Wonder where this will go. I'v lived like a hermit for two years (with a couple of one night stands now and then, but lesser now than before cos of age and maturity, e.g., not going out partying anymore, and rarely stays all the night long, cos when youre there, then you're instantly, 'ugh im too old for this boring alcohol fuelled ritualistic dances made to prepare for sex, and initiating contact with all these girls -- forced to yell cos of the tasteless eurodisco playing in the the background -- ending up with an understimulating conversation and a fucked up throat that'll give you a fine whiskey voice), but i enjoy being alone, invest myself in my interests, work out. So i feel peculiar, a bit nervous, regarding the regarding the interests and her intentions.
