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How High Are You? v. Im Peaking, Hold Me.

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Suboxone, bong hits, and some mxe. Feeling good...

Also yeah the names of weed are mostly bullshit but I got a friend who gets his shit from Medical Dispensers in Colorado. Sooo I believe him and it's dank but yeah the names can get stupid. Casper Mangocheesecake is dank...im seeing ghosts
 
Tryptamine*Dreamer said:
I am in bad benzo withdrawal. I think I am going to die. This would be a good way to torture somebody. I drank some DXM just a little while ago with Lyrica/pregabalin+ethanol to try to reduce the severity. It helped for a while but it is getting much worse now. Maybe I have lost my mind permanently. I am a fucking idiot and I don't want to die any more. This is horrible. My skin is burning. My arms and legs keep jerking and it feels like when the doctor hits your knee with the hammer but in many other parts, even my neck and face. I may have a seizure. I hope I don't die. This seems to go on forever. It will be at least another 3 hours before I can get clonazepam to make this stop. This is so fucking bad,miserable, and hellish. That is just my opinion I guess. I feel psychotic.


Update:
The second bottle of DXM kicked in. DXM usually raises my blood pressure but it is lower now than before I used it. My blood pressure dropped from a high of 186/111 to 154/98 after the DXM. It seems DXM is maybe useful in benzo withdrawal as I hoped. My skin still feels like it is burning though. My arms and legs are not jerking as much. I still feel completely psychotic and insane. I might have more DXM because now I am less miserable. Maybe more will make this less hellish.

Just to let you know: I did not trip on DXM on the 4th. I felt to bad to do that. I'm doing it now because not having benzos is hell and I want to stop suffering.


Update #2: Got my clonazepam. Sweet clonazepam under my tongue. Now it will be okay. I hope my mind comes back to normal. The last two days have been like Hell. I hope this stops what has been happening to me. I suppose this horrible misery may be caused by something other than benzo withdrawal but maybe 3 days ago I started to feel like this and lorazepam made it stop. I hope this works. If it does not, death would be much better.

Now I am going to watch an episode of The Walking Dead, then I'll lay my weary head down to bed...
Pleasant dreams to come...
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Dude that scares me, i am dependent on clonazepam now. Getting off is gonna be such a ride. How many mg are you on a day, how many mg did you cold turkey?

- I am on 10mg valium, .5mg klonopin, .5mg subutex, and about a gram of weed. Feeling good, real sedated..
 
Well, I had been using the following amount per month for a while:
120 0.5mg clonazepam pills
120 0.5mg alprazolam pills
90 0.25 alprazolam pills
30 15mg temazepam pills
60 1mg lorazepam pills
14 3mg lunesta pills (not a benzo but probably cross tolerant since it is a z-drug like ambien)

also used a lot of ethanol in the last 4-6 weeks
maybe 30-40 75mg lyrica pills/month for several months (not a benzo, but it is a gabaergic)
probably around 30-40 600mg gabapentin pills
This likely had no impact on the withdrawal, but I have used a lot of valerian root most nights for a long time and I think it is a weak GABAergic drug. Also used some kava in the last month, but not much.

I can't estimate how much per day on average since it varied from one day to the next depending on how much I wanted to use each day but the minimum dose of benzos for the last 2 or 3 months was probably pretty high.

Now I am trying to use just enough to prevent withdrawal. It seems that 2mg clonazepam twice per day is probably enough to prevent withdrawal symptoms without causing any noticeable intoxication. It may be just a bit too low to completely eliminate symptoms. I may need more like 2.5mg/twice per day of clonazepam. 2mg twice per day is definitely feels close to what I need. Glad to report that I do not feel like it caused any damage. What I read about the withdrawal syndrome, neurological kindling, and excitotoxic brain damage was terrifying, even more so since I was withdrawing bad at the time. I knew it was dangerous but I had never read about neurological kindling or brain damage from benzo withdrawal.

For anyone else who might have to go through that: don't let yourself just run out or even run really low before you start to taper off. You really will regret it. Also, DXM at a high enough dose will reduce a lot of the symptoms and completely stop your body from jerking around constantly, at least if you are affected the same way I was. I was prepared to take an even higher dose of DXM than what I used if necessary but I was able to stop increasing the DXM dose before I reached a 3rd plateau level - probably a good thing since that can be scary on its own, without being in withdrawal.

I am going to try not to use benzos any more than I need to to prevent the return of withdrawal symptoms or to help with a bad trip. I don't intend to get high on them at all at least until I am able to quit with withdrawal. That will be easier said than done but it is not worth it. I don't intend to use them for anxiety. I don't want to use them even for panic attacks unless it gets bad enough that I might have to go to the hospital or my blood pressure gets really high from a panic attack and the panic attack doesn't end without benzos pretty quickly. Any panic attacks that do not cause a major elevation in blood pressure or chest pains will be better handled without benzos. I might use hydrocodone or maybe an instant release antipsychotic or something else that has proven helpful for severe anxiety. Benzos should be a last resort.

Maybe I should just stop obtaining so many benzos even though I get them all at low cost or for free in some cases. If I don't have so many I will not be able to use them like I have been using them in recent times.

I really did not reduce my dose until I was almost out because I thought I'd get more before I ran out. I took 1mg lorazepam the first day of significant WD symptoms. This helped some, but I probably still had some clonazepam in my system from maybe two days before that since it has a much longer half life than lorazepam. The next day, I had 0.5mg lorazepam and that did not seem to help at all. I had maybe a day and a half with no benzos and things kept getting worse until I tried using DXM to help things. I tried DXM because NMDA receptor antagonists should reduce excitotoxicity and resultant brain damage that may occur from benzo WD. It definitely reduced the symptoms of withdrawal much better than lyrica and alcohol.

I would have probably needed to go to the ER if I had not been able to get clonazepam when I did. That was the worst thing I have experienced in a long time. I would have surely committed suicide if I had felt that way without the fear because I felt insane and also extremely depressed (significantly more than when I decided to choose a date to kill myself pretty recently and stuck with that choice). I somehow don't feel depressed at all now. Maybe because that WD was so bad and it feels so good that it is over.


I am not really high at the moment. I have had 1.5mg clonazepam and 22.5mg hydrocodone today. I will have another 1mg clonazepam and 7.5mg hydrocodone before bed. I will try reducing my daily benzo dose by an equivalent of 0.5mg clonazepam every 7-10 days until I can quit using benzos daily. That should be slow enough. If not, I will do it even more gradually. It probably has to be done much more slowly than with opiates since benzo withdrawal symptoms can take 6 months or longer to completely go away, according to what I have read.
 
I'm feeling all right, man. It was a really, really, good day today. First, the girlfriend found $40 under the sink at a public restroom which we promptly spent on a few bags of dope, of course. And then, we came across a few oxycontin 40 mg, albeit the new formula ones of course, and a half bottle or so of the green 15 mg "roxies." I won't say that we found them or stole them, but we didn't buy them. So, yeah, a pretty good day for sure!

I'm feeling....comfortably numb.
 
....why do I never get lucky with shit like that? Are you serious man all that in one day?!
 
I'm nursing a faint alcohol buzz and I'm out of greens so that (this) will be all I have tonite. well, at least I don't work tomorrow. hoo-ray!
 
Brewed a a 20 pod batch of tea last night, didnt sleep so i just brewed up more throughout the day, also dabs of girl scout cookies. Feels good man
 
Took 50 mgs of hydrocodone a few hours ago, with 6 Fioricet...it's just now wearing off. :(
 
I've been sipping on a DXM-laced, lemon-flavored soft drink for hours. Had some gabapentin, cannabis, & a touch of alcohol... and I'm starting to feel quite dissociated :)

Tryptamine*Dreamer: I wish you all the best getting off those benzos! Sounds like a frickin' nightmare :(
 
Tryptamine*Dreamer, oh yes.. I've been there too mate, I feel you. Just like you it used to take great effort for me to keep my dose 'therapeutical' and not 'recreational'.
In the beginning I was just popping them by the handful for fun, but after a (surprisingly short) while I found myself needing atleast 200mg of valium per day, and that was just for maintenance. (200mg diazepam = equivalent, they were actually always a cocktail of 5 up to 10 different benzos.)

Right now, I've been steady at 12mg bromazepam/day for over a year. :)

Anyway, I don't mean to bore you with my story, but I just meant to illustrate to you that I can most likely relate with what you're feeling right now. So, if you ever feel like talking to someone who has been through it (multiple times :|) to get some stuff off your chest or even for a plain ol' rant on how terrible benzo w/d is, you shouldn't hesitate to shoot me a PM.
It's shitty business, but I really take pleasure in talking to people who have a benzo problem so I can offer them some words of comfort and sometimes a little advice. I remember that when I tapered, comforting words coming from any bluelighter who was going/had gone through it were more comforting to me than the 'support' I was getting from friends and family.
Atleast the BLers I spoke to back then knew first hand how fucking shitty benzo w/d is. My irl friend's 'support' consisted of telling me I should 'just stop' (:|), and that not being able to stop is 'for losers'.

Well, that post turned out alot longer than expected. I more than likely have traces of amphetamines left in my body lol. =D
Anyway! Best of luck tapering mate, you can do it!! Don't forget to keep us posted! ;)


OT: Took a few pretty high doses of amps yesterday & yesterday evening. I was at a friend's place all night so I wasn't able to get some sleep. Since getting (not waking :() up this morning I've taken 150mg tilidine and 12mg bromazepam. I'm about to spark up an amnesia haze joint too.
The first 2 drugs I mentioned are working quite strongly already, probably has to do with last night's lack of sleep. It's rare that I can feel tilidine this hard while I have a tolerance this big.
Meh, no complaints here. ~ TL;DR: 150mg tilidine, 12mg bromazepam, lighting joint now. %)
 
Well I had the interesting experience to have been somewhat of a guinea pig for a dope dealer I've been hanging around with lately. He was re-upping from a new source, so I got to sample a few different bags. He uses dope too but he wanted some other opinions. I was like... well, it's dope... It seems to be getting me high... what else can I say, you know? It's not like it's wine where you can make shit up and be like... *gulp, gulp, swish, swish, spit* "This is earthy, with some fruity notes and chocolatey under tones..." So, yeah. Whatever. Haha.

But seriously: I've never seen that much of heroin all in one place before. It would have been awesome to have had Harry Potter's invisibility cloak at that moment... Also, we shared some cocaine, which is always delicious. I've probably had the equivalent of 11 bags of heroin tonight. And 2mg of clonazepam.

But yeah I'm also like, WTF am I doing hanging out with a drug dealer and that amount of dope in one place? What if the motherfucker gets raided? I don't think they'd just let me bounce and go home scot-free. :\ Stupid things we decide to do for free drugs.

I'm working on a website for this guy's legitimate business and in turn I am thrown bags and sometimes even buns. I am noddy enough right that I can't really see my screen and typing is difficult. Nod-land.

So yeah, peace bitches. :D <3
 
On small doses of uppers, downers, MXE, and lots of weed right now.. I've done this mix the last few days, very pleased. :)
 
^ MXE's definitely on my to-do list.

I've got a nice DXM afterglow going %) It's funny how you can build up a tolerance to coffee and cigarettes over many years, and then have it dashed all to pieces after taking DXM. Not that I'm complaining, mind you ;)

So now some PSE is in order, and then... cannabis, probably :D
 
verso said:
I won't say that we found them or stole them, but we didn't buy them. So, yeah, a pretty good day for sure!
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Funny how that works. Just recently I was helping a lady move, and as it turns out she had a bunch of booze she didn't want... so I ended up getting a box of assorted hard liquor and another of assorted beer, in addition to 30$/hour helping move her shit!

So then a few days later a friend comes over with a bunch of meds that were going to be thrown out. Not on my watch! So now I'm sitting on a nice bit of oxycodone, pentazocin, PSE, fentanyl patches, etc.... And now I hear more green bud and hash is on its way!

I'm going to have to redistribute some of that stuff just to keep my karma on the ^ side :)
 
Guys why the fuck is subutex so strong.
So for the past 2 days, i've been taking like .5mg klonopin early in the day. And maybe 1mg or less subutex (snorted) later at night. I swear it feels insanely strong, when i'm watching TV i see 2 of them. I see 2 of everything unless i focus real hard. Why the hell are subs so strong, i puked real hard last night to. And i usually don't puke off opiates, unless of course i'm doing a high dose.
 
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