I plugged the other half of the second pill about 90 minutes ago. I'm still at a great level, but it is starting to wear off slightly. I don't want it to end, but I'm not going to use any more. I'll just try to cherish the memories of this time when it is over.
i wish i wouldve have gotten so fucked up right when i started college and did better in the gen eds which usually arent that difficult. my gpa wouldve been a lot better, but oh well, cant do anything about it now.
and i hear ya tryptamine, i think everyone has at least something to be thankful for, but its hard to see it or at least acknowlege it and be happy that there is something good. we are completely surrounded by shit thats going wrong, so that plays a part IMO. you hardly ever hear about the good on the news, and while theres a whole lot of bad, theres still some good out there somewhere.
im glad to hear that your mom seems to be doing better man.
be grateful that you can go give her a hug, call her on the phone, whatever.
as for this thread............I LOVE OCs. about to smoke a tree or 2, ahhhhhh..........
What you said above is so true, and thanks for sharing your thoughts!
My problem getting things done in college is more due to depression and apathy than excessive drug use. The only thing I've done much of the last few months is poppies and neurontin/gabapentin, and then often just enough to prevent withdrawal. I actually seem to get more done when I am on a large enough dose to feel it pretty good. I used MDPV for energy, phenibut for sleep and relaxation, and I've tripped once prior to yesterday during this semester.
I'm really hoping that this MDMA session will help pull me out of the depression, emptiness, and apathy I've been feeling in recent weeks/months.
I'm so glad my mom has improved. I was thinking last year would likely be the last full year I had with her. I don't think I could handle it if she were gone. I'm still living with her, so I have time to be with her and say what I should to her. Unfortunately, the words I Love You hadn't passed my lips in months prior to today. I hope I will find it easier to tell her in the future and provide support when its needed as she does for me.
I'll be living at my mother's place possibly until I finish with my education. I try to help her out when I can since she has so many health problems. Also try to help with bills as much as possible. Usually only $150-200 per month, but I don't think she'd be able to keep her house without that. It's very hard to live on less than $600 a month and $150 food stamps and still pay the mortgage(takes up most of her money) and pay the utility bills. My parents don't get along, and have been separating and getting back together, only to separate again. Paying the bills isn't so hard when they are together but very difficult when they are apart. Even living together, they only get about $900 a month. Both parents are disabled and the checks are reduced when they live together. I'm afraid my dad may get his legs cut of soon. He has diabetes and heart conditions that cause them to swell and get infected, and he doesn't take care of himself. He eats lots of salt, sugar, and fat in his diet. Maybe I'll tell him how I feel about how he hurts himself, but I doubt it will change anything.
I told my mom that I was on mdma pills because I thought she'd suspect I was on something the way I was acting and being so open emotionally. She was okay with it, just asked me not to do too much or too often and not to do it if it was dangerous. I keep my dose fairly low, so I felt confident in telling her I'd be fine and it was safe. I may do it once more next weekend so that tolerance from other things won't be an issue, but I may wait until summer to do more. If I do more before summer, it will be because I feel it would help me in some way. I'll probably wait until summer, keeping my pills tightly bottled with moisture absorbers in a cool place until then. MDMA is a special thing that should be used sparingly.
OCs=Oxycontins? Never tried them, but I've done other opiates, and do poppies every day. I just adore poppies. OCs may be even better, I don't know. If they are as good/better/almost as good as poppies, then I can see why you love them. I'd like to try oxycodone some time.
I hope I can do something to make the world a better place someday. I wish so many bad things wouldn't happen, but some things are out of our control. It's just so sad when people hurt each other. There is no need for it, and that is something that human's don't have to do. Unfortunately, some people just don't care about others, have hatred for certain groups, and/or believe they are justified in causing pain and suffering to others because they think it is necessary for their cause. That could change if only people would care more about others and listen to their conscience when it tells them they are doing wrong.
I hope the emotional openness and empathy I feel will at least remain in a small part after the ecstasy wears off.
I hope everyone hear is having as good a time as possible, and trying to stay safe. Good evening bluelight, and may you all have a better day tomorrow, especially anyone who might be feeling bad now.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
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(damn smiley has more teeth than me bleh 
