@Nightraver real glad you've perked up through that hangover, hope your day goes well from here mate.
@TripSitterNZ have the best trip bro and allow yourself to let go and be free with it.
There's no right or wrong way to trip remember, and no trip is a failiure.
Although saying that, I may contradict myself there slightly.
I just took 4 mg's Etizolam, finally got back in bed after hauling myself up in the tiredest, fatigued state, for toilet, water, vitamin C, and etiz.
Mum left dog in kitchen below me when she went out cos she had diahrria.
Dog was whining, whittleling, squealing, last 3 hours now.
I was having no trouble sleeping, just constnatly having to wake up, painfully from the depths, for a desperate piss every hour and a half.
I was having the most intense dreams ever- literally dreams inside of dreams.
Really very nightmarish, being reflections of the world, 3d and Spiritual.
Real, real messy dreams. I was tripping seriously hard in those dreams.
But once all I can hear is that permanent torturous wolf howling, it torments me. I can't get back to sleep, just 3/4's, but still dreaming, just more conscious and on edge, and far worse nightmares- apocalyptic, so so real as well.
My no 1 problem, always- lungs full of mucus from allergies, can never breathe waking in bed, no physical energy as a result, and panic attacks in that unbearable waking position, too tired to move, too hard to breathe to relax.
I handle my trips very well.
The 2 days after comedown, especially the first wake after heavy trips, Im not so good with.
Because I start each day in such physical discomfort and hills to climb, and emotional torment.
No allergies, Id just get up, breathe, calm myself. Vape some weed, cuppa tea, walk in sun, phone a friend, breakfast....none of that is possible unless I spend 3 hours managing my allergies first.
I actually feel a lot calmer and brighter mentally since 20 mins ago. Etiz, and getting some thoughts going, slightly easier breathing.
Damn, it's the horrendous, painful steam inhalations I have to do, just so I can breathe, and I can't vape weed, drink tea, get washed, eat food, or drink kava before ive cleared all that mucus.
A big glass of kava, right now, or a cup of black tea and a vape is so called for.
50 tabs in 6 days out of 7, has landed me in one dark place this morning. I was having a real emotional crisis and panic attack.
It's the most intense, melancholy, unsettling, panic attack post LSD tripping ever for me.
Even my single 200ug trips, and even moreso the 400-500 ug ones, I have a dark, shaky day often following.
But never on this scale. I was honestly despairing, suffering too much physically with breathing and fatigue, head so emotionally scrambled.
I plan never to go so heavy on acid again because I do NOT like this aftermath.
Im too emotionally unstable and mentally foggy to counel myself, and I feel desperate for some counselling which I was denied since april 2020.
I can't ever ask for any emotional support from my mum. More the opposite. I need to hide it, the worse I feel, which just exacerbates the panic.
So I just have to dig deep, stay calm, stay focussed, ride out these waves returning from Orbit.
I really didn't think 5000 ug in one week was too much, but I don't ever want to be in a spot like this again. Mentally a mess!
Still, I did the crime....emergency coping measures for the day. I need more sleep, may then have to haul myself through a steam inhalation so I can get some serious mood lifting, anxiolytic Kava into me.
Tripped so hard yesterday on 1130ug, but I feel even more "fucked" today.
It's these intense, dark moments make you vow to change your life, praying it's possible to feel clean, bright and optimistic again.
Just a case of how to get there. No way am I going so hard on acid again. Im sure it will turn good but damn, such darkness and phenominal fatigue as always.
Just going to breathe calm, focus on my steam later, get washed and make some needed kava asap, by that mountain top, as always, I will feel mightiky better but such a tough climb always.
Final week 6 of Flu probably makes it all feel a lot harder and grimmer though to be fair.
I should have the mental resilience like always, but damn it's tough and Ive never felt the need more for a support service- just to "air" things out openly to clear away the cobwebs.
Messy few days but may surprise myself if I feel alright at any point today.
Moral of the story, 50 trips in 7 days possibly out of my own comfort zone.
That waking feeling like you are losing your mind is awful.
Gonna nap off now hooefully on the 4 mg's etiz, then jump up, rush through the nightmare steam inhalation as if it's the last thing I have to do do in the world before everything in life is perfect then I can have my kava and should be feeling significantly mentally calmer and happier by that point.
