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⭐️ Social ⭐️ How High Are You? V. How Much Wood Does a Woodchuck Chuck?

Head high from this vape.

Thinking bout wether to take any benzos today our just wait till the Tramadol arrives.
 
Kinda jealous of all of you guys who wake up early everyday... Hell, some of you probably don't even go to sleep but still end up waking up early, somehow.

Woke up at ~2pm and plugged 35mg of racemic amphetamine and ~10-15mg of morphine sulphate.
It's alright but tbh I'm not really able to enjoy my Sunday because I keep thinking about all the stuff I'll have to do tomorrow.
 
15mg diazepam, 300mg flmodafinil, 60mg PPAP HCl over the day, 50mg sertraline.

Too sedated from the diazepam, I need to switch to a less sedating benzo, probably etizolam or klonopin. Not nearly enough anxiolysis which is my whole point for taking it, to counter the ramping up of anxiety I seem to be getting from this sertraline. Stims obviously are to counteract that sedation... and the impassable SSRI-induced brain fog I seem to be getting.

I don't think I am reacting well to sertraline. I wanna get back in touch with the doctors and request a short course of a non-sedating benzo, ideally klonopin, and probably something for my untreated and horrific, life interfering ADD symptoms, just to get through this fabled SSRI-adaptation period, but I probably won't because of my country's super cautious approach to prescriptions and not wanting to disadvantage myself in future by being labelled a drug seeker.

I'm trying not to keep god damn self medicating though but I've still got another few months of all the fucking shit that's driving me to it. At least I was born in the age I was, in a first world nation, and my problems are primarily manifestations of my mind rather than brutally inflicted upon me. I'm sure all will be well in time. All the best to y'all.
 
Another floating heavy head, currently chilled the hell out watching a film that my brain can't make sense of it haha. Film called Lucky from Shudder - great streaming service for horror\thrillers mostly.
 
Not high at ALL and my body is pissed.
3 300 mg gabapentin
1 damn excedrine
.1 mg clondine
Two hits of some glueberry. Today was supposed to be day one no weed. I made it until 3pm. I woke up at 6 and usually smoke in the first 20 mins)

I couldn’t take it. I must say, I’m disappointed in my self.
Oh, and like 5 cups of coffee.
And a handful of alcohol tincture drops 👀
 
Plugged and snorted a little bit of some 2c-t4 and watched The Pond(2021) pretty weird and creepy.

the-pond-movie.jpg
 
Finished work. Got so high I accidentally knocked all my weed on the bed. Gahhhh. Guy I’m dating offered to get me weed tomorrow so I guess I’ll take him up on that since I just lost 1/3 of the little I had left haha
 
6mg Clonazepam - these Indian meds are either weak or very underdosed. Took three 2mg ones in the space of a few hours and nothing but a weak Clon feeling.

Ah well. More interested in the Diazepam and Alprazolam anyway if we're talking benzos.
 
Aight y'all. Not especially high. Had 2 coffees today, 60mg PPAP HCl and 250mg Flmodafinil in 2 divided doses, plus 20mg diazepam in 4 doses of 5mg... plus 50mg sertraline.

Hard to get too much of a handle on what this SSRI is doing to me if I keep toploading with stims and downers but I had a few days last week I felt more shit and catatonically depressed than I have since quitting kratom cold turkey. I still need to function in this world, so my options seemed limited... hoping this is that fabled SSRI adaptation phase and things will improve... diazepam usually is too sedating to me on it's own to be functional and flmodafinil is recently too anxiolytic so they balance each other out well. Just gotta keep on keeping an eye on myself I guess.

Actually drank 4 beers on a whim the other day for no reason other than I couldn't handle the unsettledness. Does that count as a relapse? Perhaps, but fuck that 12 step sobriety obsession. Arguably valium is also a relapse in which case I bailed out earlier than planned anyway but motherfucker, obviously total sobriety just isn't a total priority for me right now. I'll stick to the plan anyway and try not to have to not count any more relapses, at least until it gets totally ridiculous. 🤔 #almost4monthssobernotsober
 
Back sober for a week now on bupe. Went a bit over board for a good week. Blew through a good 8-9g of fent dope in a week. Reminded me of why i only fuck around every few weeks for a weekend. Hella wd's getting back on bupe. I can't believe how much it raised my tolerance. Stable again at 6mg, hope to be back down to 4mg by next week and trying hard not to touch any d for a while
 
Don’t know whether to open a bottle of red wine tonight or not. Already have had 2x1mg Alp and 2x10mg Diaz from around 1.30pm today (near 6.30pm now). Feel so tired but chilled.
 
Up to you dude if you like drinking! (HR considered and all)

I'm cracking open my second can of beer rn, trying to eliminate jitters.
 
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