10mg diazepam
3.2g kratom
That's on top of 150mg armodafinil in the morning and caffeine... slightly pissed with myself that I relented, tried to abstain from anything for the past 2 days and most of today but just felt so shit and anxious and incapable of doing anything useful, despite all my bitching about kratom I've obviously managed to pick up some kind of minor dependence, obviously on top of (mostly) minor doses of speed and etizolam through most of last week which didn't help. Just crashed massively over the weekend, could barely get out of bed, today was better except for that unshakeable chest deep directionless anxiety... This up down cycle gets fucking tiresome I must say, I wonder why I keep doing this to myself. Not to overstate my suffering, obviously as far as withdrawals go, objectively mine is pretty mild... but still feels pretty exasperating. Guess I will try to go for a really rapid taper so this week isn't a total fucking write off. Hope everyone else is in a better mood than I am today!